(Closed) Engagement and Setting-The-Date Time Frame?

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@SamanthaLovesJames:  I don’t think there is any “right” way to go about this. It really isn’t any one’s right to judge why other couples do what they do, but the only time I could see thinking an engagement was too long for another couple (or wouldn’t “take it seriously”) would be if they were not putting the wedding on hold for financial, emotional, academic, or other reasons, but they wanted to make a commitment to each other. however, it’s not really anyone’s place to judge why people wait, but personally, I’d rather be engaged for longer, have that commitment of an engagement, while trying to complete other aspects of my life– school, etc– before making that last step. You shouldnt’ “have” to set a date. You could go to the courthouse the next day, no “date-setting” required. A friend of mine was engaged for 3.5 years, no plans on a “wedding,” and one morning they woke up and decided that was the day. They went to the courthouse and got married. I would only be concerned for a friend that was engaged and had not set a date/had a super long (i.e. over 3 years and not because of any of those concerns I mentioned above) if she or her fiance were putting it off because of other serious issues (i.e. my girlfriend doesn’t want to marry him because she’s in an abusive relationship, but has not had the courage to break it off, etc or he’s putting it off and just stringing her along). I realize that just sounded really extreme, but I hope that makes sense. As long as the engagement length is what both people want– that’s all that matters, and I wouldn’t say something to a friend about her date-setting or engagement length choices unless I was concerned for her happiness/safety.

Post # 5
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I remember thinking it was crazy/odd when we first got engaged and literally the first thing people would ask was “When’s the date?” I mean, we didn’t have a venue picked out yet, so the theory would be that it could be booked already and/or cost-prohibitive on the dates we liked. So with this in mind, I don’t see what is the big deal in terms of being engaged and not setting a date right away. A date depends on a host of things. In our case, there were financial issues (can we afford the wedding we wanted/expected?), timing issues (summer vs. winter – costs) and will all of the vendors be available on a specific date. We really wanted our venue and our photographer and it took some going back and forth to get both free on a specific date. Fiance waited until he was sure he wanted to marry me before proposing and I knew I wanted to marry him when I started pushing for a proposal, but I suppose it works to simply be engaged with a vague idea of when marriage will be – in years.

Post # 6
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think it makes sense to have a general idea of when you’d like to get married (ie: Fall of next year) within a few weeks of being engaged. If someone gets engaged and then doesn’t even have an idea 6 months after they’ve been engaged, I admit – I do think they weren’t really that serious. But I think you get several weeks before you even need a general time, and then it could be anywhere between a few weeks and several months after that to get an actual date depending on venue and such.

Short version: I do think if you aren’t working towards setting a date, an important component of the engagement is missing.

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