(Closed) Engagment to be called off?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I valid in my feelings of paranoia/suspicion up until now?
    No you need to finally get over it : (5 votes)
    3 %
    Considering the circumstances your feelings are very valid : (141 votes)
    95 %
    Not sure : (2 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    1165 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I agree with everyone else. This guy is not worth your time and and it would be a huge mistake to stay with him, and also marry him in my personal opinion. You deserve better and I know you could find better. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    2318 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think you are asking the wrong question.  You wouldn’t have suspicions if he didn’t give you reasons to have them. So yes your suspicions are valid. Run and don’t look back. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    I feel like this is a very unhealthy relationship and you both sound unhappy to be in it. You deserve better…

    Post # 34
    Member
    4943 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If it was me, I’d walk, end of story.

     

    Sorry bee! 🙁

    Post # 35
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar and it is the worst thing in the world to want to give another chance and yet know that it’s a terrible idea.

    I don’t think this is the kind of relationship that you want for your life. I’m honestly quite suprised that you both agreed to get engaged when there were clearly issues that hadn’t been moved on from.

    I think you should call off the engagement, you’re not ready to marry each other and you shouldn’t have your engagement as a time of mistrust and arguments. You need to decide if you could ever trust him. If you can’t you need to leave straight away. If you truly think you can trust him again 100% you should put the engagement on hold and get couples counselling to work on all these issues.

    You both need to change (and I’m not sure how possible that is after the 2.5 years of mistrust and lies). He needs to put your feelings first and stop the BS about why he contacts other women – nothing can excuse that kind of behaviour. You also need to believe him if you decide to stay as a relationship without trust isn’t a relationship in my opinion. It’s hard but if you live someone you would trust them without checking up on them. 

    Personally I believe you deserve so much better than what you are getting from this guy. He hasn’t proved that he’s mature enough to have a relationship let alone a marriage. You deserve to ‘ve with someone who treats you right and doesn’t cause you to have these trust issues. It will be difficult but I think you’ll be happier in the long run.

    Post # 36
    Member
    1909 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    It seems like he’s either a horn-dog or he may have a legitimate sex addiction. You have to decide if you want to deal with a man who has these urges, and seems to not be resisting them.

    Post # 37
    Member
    994 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    I stopped reading half way through because you didnt mention a single reason why you should stay in this relationship.

     

    not one.

     

    Post # 38
    Member
    551 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Admittedly I only read the first couple of paragraphs, but I think it’s time for you to move on. You don’t trust him. After the number of times that he’s lied to you (that you know about) you have absolutely no reason to. You have already given him way too many chances. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    3492 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    I’d walk. That all sounds like WAY too much work. Relationships aren’t always easy but it shouldn’t be this hard to be content in your relationship. I’m not even talking about trying to be happy, just baseline content.

    Post # 40
    Member
    2733 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    He ‘zones out’ and sends inappropriate messages to other women. What’s next? He slips and falls into their vaginas too?

    I’m exhausted just reading this post. I wouldn’t waste another minute in this relationship.

    Post # 41
    Member
    301 posts
    Helper bee

    confusedneedhelp:  you have nothing to feel bad about. You cannot, and IMO can never, trust him. You have given him ample opportunities to earn your trust and he throws it back in your face each time. Run away and never look back. You deserve better.

    Post # 42
    Member
    2180 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I can’t believe this dude gave you The Twinkie Defense over his sending dick pics and answering craigslist ads. He’s a habitual liar and a bad one. Why do you still have his number?

    Post # 43
    Member
    1864 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    lmo013:  +1000000000 

    OP, I know the question you are asking is are your feelings valid (they are) but what are you reasons for wanting to stay with him? Do you even have any? 

    You said (I think) you’ve been together for 2.5 years and 2 years of that has been a train wreck. Please don’t live your life this way, there is so much better out there. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    While I normally would recommend couple’s therapy (I think you both need individual therapy too, tbh) but I think you should just cut your losses here.  It’s been unhealthy from the start.  You deserve better.

    Post # 45
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee

    Just ask yourself: do you feel loved? Do you feel respected? Are you happy? If you said no to any of these move on, he doesn’t deserve you

    The topic ‘Engagment to be called off?’ is closed to new replies.

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