(Closed) Engagment to be called off?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I valid in my feelings of paranoia/suspicion up until now?
    No you need to finally get over it : (5 votes)
    3 %
    Considering the circumstances your feelings are very valid : (141 votes)
    95 %
    Not sure : (2 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    994 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    SoonAsYouCan:  hahaha Ben Fraklin actually wrote an essay like that once. It was essentially him moaning about people who have vices and how weak they are… and then talking about how his distraction from women is because they throw themselves in his path (it read like he was trying to walk to the store and naked ladies were pouncing on his junk)

    Post # 47
    Member
    99 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Girl to girl, leave him. Reading that was torture and gave me anxiety, don’t make yourself live it anymore. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My ex-husband did pretty much all of the things you described. It was emotional torture and I eventually kicked him out after 7 years but not before considerable damage was done.  

    You will never, ever, being able to have a trusting relationship with this man and you deserve trust in a marriage.  You will be in a permanent state of hyper-alertness, looking for signs of cheating/inappropriate behaviour.  It’s exhausting.  It is no way to have a relationship, definitely no way to have a marriage.  You will 2nd-guess everything.  His reaction at you asking for his password is just panic at being caught out, and attack is his best defence.  I experienced this exact same scenario time after time.  

    He will rob you of your self esteem and your self belief. I was a strong, independent woman when we got together and somehow he managed to chip away just a little at a time until I thought I deserved the “love” I was getting. 

    Please leave.  Trust your gut, you know this is the correct thing to do.  

    Post # 49
    Member
    1811 posts
    Buzzing bee

    This is a toxic relationship. The trust was broken from the start and your foundation is built on mistrust and lies. Unfortunately, all you have done is show him by staying that you are willing to put up with his lies and constant stream of excuses. I would start choosing you over this constant turmoil and his evident lack of respect for you/your place in his life. If you were to get married, this behavior would continue and may, in fact, even get worse whereas he would know that he “has you.” Please walk away.

    Post # 50
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee

    I got tired just reading this and even trying to imagine being this distrustful of my Fiance. I have serious doubts whether you can move past all of this and this will not make a happy life for you or him. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    4044 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    YOU SHOULD BE GLAD THIS GUYS IS GONE!!!! I’m surprised you stayed this long and now he has the BALLS to break up with YOU!!!! Yeah, fuck that…..

    Post # 52
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee

    I think you need to give him back the ring. It’s for your own sanity. You have been together 2.5 years, and already, you’re both losing your minds over each other’s actions. Your actions are completely understandable considering his– I am still confused as to why he keeps doing what he does. If he loved you, he wouldn’t. If he’s some sort of sex addict but loved you, he would have been in therapy right after the first incident to show that he cares about the relationship and making you feel safe in it.

    As much as you might love him, I think you know why you wrote this post. There are so many better guys out there that will love you and worship you. You won’t ever feel the need to track them. You are going to feel proud of yourself down the road for getting out of this relationship, vs. getting a divorce in a couple more years of time spent that you knew would be rocky. When you end the relationship, do let him know that had he put serious effort into committing to therapy or other ways to “fix” (for lack of better word) his behaviors, you would have instilled complete trust.  Ironically, lying to keep someone from getting upset…. usually gets them even more upset later. 

    good luck!!

    Post # 55
    Member
    3307 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    confusedneedhelp:  Well whoop-de-doo. Alert the media. 

     

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