(Closed) Engagment to be called off?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I valid in my feelings of paranoia/suspicion up until now?
    No you need to finally get over it : (5 votes)
    3 %
    Considering the circumstances your feelings are very valid : (141 votes)
    95 %
    Not sure : (2 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 93
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    confusedneedhelp:  always here to help. “Tough love” doesn’t work for everyone in all circumstances. A mentor of mine told me to take a 10,000 foot view of it all … And that really resonated with me. Fiancé and I are far from perfect, but even during our most difficult moments I never feel undermined or insignificant or even unloved … You should never ever ever need to feel that way. Keep your chin up, and walk away… Confide in some girlfriends, take a weekend trip somewhere warm, drink a bottle of wine, and stay away from anything “wedding” for the time being.  i had one very close friend call off her engagement. A simple email went out to her family, and another went out to friends. I helped her write them, and they were short and to the point and just asked for a low profile for the time being. It got the point across without additional drama and there was no response but support from people. You can do this. If you go back, you’re choosing a life of self doubt – possibly the worst side effect of abuse. If you cannot trust yourself at the end of the day (to make the right decisions, to have “valid feelings”, to have thoughts he would call “paranoid” but are completely legit… You will soon start to fade as a person. And it’s a LOT harder to get yourself back than you may think. And it’s a LOT LESS lonely to leave than you think it will be. Hugs. 

    Post # 95
    5891 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    confusedneedhelp:  Please look up ‘Gaslighting’. He’s been doing that to you…

    Also, are you the woman you want to be when you are with him? My Darling Husband is a recovering alcoholic. I always have a fear that he will fall off the wagon. Of course I want to be supportive of his struggles. But I had to ask myself when I would get out if it every came to that. And my response, to myself, was ‘when I’m no longer the woman I want to be’. 

    Post # 97
    1653 posts
    Bumble bee

    He’s a liar liar pants on fire. Leave.

    Post # 99
    5891 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    confusedneedhelp:  Thank you. Darling Husband is doing great, for the most part, with his recovery. I’m very lucky that he is very serious about staying sober. But I never wanted to be in a situation where, if things got bad, I never knew when to get out. So, that’s why I came up with my standard. As long as I can be the woman I want to be *and* I can support my Darling Husband, I stay. The second I turn into someone I don’t want to be, I have to leave. 

    Post # 101
    537 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    KoiKove:ย ย This is incredibly wise, and a standard that a lot of women (myself included) could find helpful not just in relation to marriage/relationships. Thanks for sharing.

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