Post # 1
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
Ok Bee’s, I need some advice here. Big time.
Last time we chatted, I told you that I picked out a ring and there’s a good chance that J went back to the store a couple days later to inquire about financing plans. Whether he actually purchased the ring is completely unknown right now. I know he’s tight on money, and even though he got me that great camera for my birthday I still worry about him affording the ring. But he keeps telling me not to worry about those things and that everything will be fine.
Well, his sister lives in England and is getting married on Sept. 9th. Originally, just the parents were going to go. Now, not only the parents are going, but also J’s other sister and her husband! The whole fam-damily is now going, and J is feeling like he should go (well, he really WANTS to go too).
Here’s my dilema: I promised myself that I wouldn’t mention anything wedding related since we picked out the ring. But I feel like I should say something like… ‘I really want to go to England, but I’m afraid you won’t be able to afford other things (a ring)’. But I REALLY don’t want to have to bring it up! What should I do? We would love to go and see his sister get married because he rarely ever see’s her (maybe once per year, if that), plus… when will be the next time his whole family is together… In England!? They only see each other on holiday’s anyway (there’s a lot of distance between each family member). Ugh. I don’t know what I should do. Part of me feels like I should just trust what J said and let him do his thing (he said he’d have to play around with some savings to go), and part of me wants to bring up the whole engagement/marriage thing.
HELP!
Gwen
Post # 3
Member
1682 posts
Bumble bee
Bring it up, and GO ALREADY.
To me its a no brainer. The ring will happen. Going to England to see your sister in law getting married? Once in a lifetime event.
Post # 4
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
@bebefly: That’s what I said to him… When will his whole family be together again? Especially in England? I think it would be a fantastic surprise for his sister, since she was only expecting her parents to be witnesses (super small wedding at a court house).
I said to J: “I really wanna go because I have no idea if I (or we) will ever get a chance to go again. But then again, we’re only going to be there for 3 days.” He reassured me that we’d go back someday (England is one of the places I wanted to go for a honeymoon, and he’s aware of this). The only thing we’d have to pay for is our flight, because we’d stay with his sister.
Ugh. I wanna bring it up, but I don’t!
Gwen
Post # 5
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
Honestly, if you can afford it, I think you should go. And without trying to sound too harsh, it sounds quite selfish to say “I would like to be able to go to England, but what about OUR plans to get married” This is his sister’s wedding, if it means that you don’t get your ring for a few months yet, so be it. I also would trust your SO that he is responsible enough to manage the finances appropriately in regards to ring payments and/or a possible trip to England.
I think your SO would possibly resent not being able to attend his sister’s wedding because you wanted a ring now….and that’s not a good way to start out your marriage. Go and enjoy yourself! 🙂
Post # 6
Member
10450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
What about offering to pay for the trip yourself, like a pre-engagement gift to him? I keep telling my boyfriend that I’m going to get him an awesome present when he gets me the ring, because he wouldn’t let me split the cost or contribute at all so I want to do something nice for him too.
Post # 7
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
@Ree723: I told him that it was totally up to him if he wanted to go or not. I’m flexable with vacation and I have the money to go. I’m just worried about his finances (not necessarily just for the ring). He has a bit of other debt, and I wouldn’t want him getting in deeper, that’s all.
I think it would be a great once in a lifetime opportunity! But then there’s that evil little waiting voice inside of me that worries about other things. I know it’s horrible to think, but I think it’s just a natural thought process for waiting bee’s. Man oh man I wanna go to England. It’s one of the places on ‘my list’ of places to visit before I die, lol
I’ve offered to pay for his portion, but he refused. He can be a little stubborn sometimes, lol
Gwen
Post # 8
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
I would put more trust in him and start believing that he has the ring/engagement handled. The proposal is his to plan and put into action and it still sounds like you guys are moving towards that! Relax and trust that it will happen eventually, even if it may not happen as soon as you want it to.
Family is important and I think you guys should go to the wedding. You guys will have a great time and it will be great to spend time with his family. I would talk to him about how you think you both should go but I would NOT bring up anything about your own engagement and I would NOT bring up you questioning if this will delay things because you’re worried he cannot afford the ring. Show that you are happy that you guys have this opportunity to see his family and show that you are happy for his sister for getting married.
Plus, think of it like this: You guys go to the wedding. He watches his sister get married and sees the joy and happiness of it all. He then thinks, “Wow, I want that for Gwen and I.” Proposal follows shortly thereafter. 
Post # 9
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
@purplebee: I wish there was a ‘like’ button on WeddingBee.
J needs to get his passport this week. After that, he said he’ll make a decision. He knows I wanna go, and I know he does as well. Fingers crossed we’ll be able to afford it. I think flying out on a week night won’t be too expensive.
Gwen
Post # 10
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
GOOOOO! If you aren’t paying for accomodations, just get the weirdest time/cheapest possible flight and go. search like every day to three days for drops in prices and play around with your arrival and departure dates if possible.
How many times in life do you get to go there do that etc? Who knows when you’ll have a semi affordable (no hotel) chance to go back??? As long as you’re relatively secure financially you should totally go. I wouldn’t even bring up the ring or cost of it. Unless it’s really bothering you, then you should be able to tell him. Good luck!
Post # 11
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
Go to England! Enjoy the wedding!
Aside from this being one of your places to visit, you’ll also be able to spend time with SO’s family. Who knows, maybe someone will ask him when he’s planning to propose to you and plant that seed in his head? Wistful thinking, I know. But it could happen! 🙂
Post # 12
Member
48 posts
Newbee
Don’t have that conversation. Just go, enjoy yourself, and he’ll want to marry you even more for NOT bringing it up.
Guys aren’t stupid. He knows you’re ready to be engaged and he knows how much rings cost. He’s already two steps ahead of you and has probably done the math. Once you have the marriage talk, they know it’s on your radar and that they need to act within a reasonable amount of time. It only takes ONE discussion to plant your impatience in their brain. He’s aware of the financial dilemma. Just don’t push it.
Post # 13
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
Ok, so… It looks like it’s a go. J is going to get his passport photo’s done today. I didn’t mention anything last night about money, affordability, or marriageengagement. I only said that I was excited to go, and if he can make it work with his limited vacation time, etc., then great!!
I’ve always wanted to go to England. And you girls are right: When am I gonna go back? I WANT to go back, but who knows when or if that’ll happen! I can’t wait to pack my clothes. GAH! What to wear!?! We won’t have much time to shop or go sight-seeing, but it’s probably for the best that we don’t spend a lot of cash. I did a lot of thinking last night. I have decided to just let J do his thing and trust that he has everything under control. I know him, and he wouldn’t go on this trip if he didn’t have the money or have things in order. We went ring shopping and I picked one out. The ball is in his court now, so I will keep my trap shut until he proposes.
EEEEEEEEEEP!!! ENGLAND!!
Gwen
Post # 14
Member
15 posts
Newbee
What if he wants to propose IN England?!?! Not trying to get your hopes up, but that would be soo romantic!
Aside from all that, I hope you guys have fun!
