(Closed) enough is enough: slowly parting from a toxic best friend?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hello!

I had a best friend who was also like this. Always a drama in her life. I made a lot of sacrifices for her. I took care of her a lot, too. I ended up being a bridesmaid in her wedding. I signed her marriage certificate as a witness.

Three years later I am not even going to invite her to my own wedding.

She was toxic and she was disrespectful. I stopped talking to her after she showed a great deal of selfishness in her marriage.

This “friend” is giving you a graceful way out of this friendship. It is not bad that you feel this way. There is a limit to how much you can give. I would take her up on this new silence. Then you can focus on your marriage with someone who really loves and cares for you.

Post # 4
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I had a best friend since I was 5.  We did everything together.  As we grew up, graduated, got full time jobs, SO, etc…we spent less time together.  But when we did get together, it was like we were always together.

 

And then her drama started.  Could I come help out with the kids? Could she borrow this or that? Could I drive her(or her kids or hubby)somewhere? Can I watch the house? Etc. Etc. Etc.  And then my Mom became terminally ill.  And I was her caregiver.  My “friend” offered to help in any way…but whenever I reached out, she wouldn’t call me/text me back.  Ever.

And when she passed away? Sure, my “friend” came to the funeral.  And did the “if there is anything you ever need, just call” BS.  And when I called? Or texted? Sent a card? Nothing. Ever.  And it hurt.  A lot. I don’t think she can deal with me not being able to give her whatever she needs/wants.

 

So, I decided that it was time to cut her off.  And I did.  This was in October.  She has texted me once since then.  And I have not texted her back.  I will not invite her to my wedding.

I have other people in my life who are there for me.  I don’t need people who are only there to take whatever they can get. Best thing I’ve done.

 

It might be hard to do, but I think it’s in your best interest to cut her off.  Nobody needs people like that in their life.  And you have an easy(ish) out!

Good luck!!

Post # 5
Member
4039 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m in the same situation – but I can’t seem to get rid of mine 🙂 We work for the same school and my Fiance works with her husband – we actually met at their wedding.

I just don’t feel like we fit anymore; we’ve grown apart. And there is nothing I can do. Argh

Post # 6
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Been there. My BFF for almost 10 years  is a very sweet girl with a huge heart. but she has a drug addiction that has made it impossible for us to be close. I wont go into details, but Its heartbreaking that I cant even rely on her to be in my wedding, which I would love for her to do.. fact of the matter is, she probably wont have the means to make it to the actual wedding. I cannot do anything to help her, because she will not help herself. Things are not the same between us, and I’m having a hard time letting go.

Post # 7
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Don’t feel bad. It’s always hard growing apart from a friend, but such is life. If I were you I wouldn’t plan to make a special trip to visit her before your trip – mostly because you’re not going to have time in the days before your wedding, and you’ve already gone out of your way to try to include her in things. Focus your time on the people who are truely there for you & surround yourself with loving supportive people before your wedding!

Post # 9
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@skschick:  I’m sorry hon, I can tell this is really painful for you, but you have to stand up for yourself. She’s probably still expecting you to come to her because you’ve always made the trip in the past. Don’t do it. Say goodbye over the phone if you really want to, otherwise let her make the next move.

Either she’s showing her true colors regarding her own selfishness, or she wants to wind down your friendship. Either way, it’s not healthy for you to be focused on this negative situation during a very important & already stressful time in your life. You have to make peace with the fact that you’re not going to see her before you leave, and the two of you may not remain close friends in the long term.

Now remind yourself “I will be traveling abroad for marriage in two weeks! woop!” and enjoy this happy time!! How about planning a girls day with one of your friends who has been there for you lately?

Post # 10
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I think you are doing the right thing – you have grown apart and if she will not make the effort to see you during the most important time of your life, then you are just not that special to her. Time to let her go and focus your energies on your new husband and the people around you who truly care. ((hugs))

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