- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Thank you guys in advance for reading this. I honestly receive so much support from all the bees, especially during a difficult time I am going through with my best friend. Honestly, this is the only place I feel safe in sharing this.
In my previous posts, I have shared how my best friend and I are slowly drifting apart, or at least I am. Its not more so because I don’t care for her, but I just don’t feel that she is the person that is right for me in my life or as my best friend. You can kinda say im spent. She is inconsiderate, flaky and just irresponsible with life. Slowly, after a recent discussion and concerns she shared with me, that totally made me feel horrible, but also angry, I began to realize enough is enough. Half of it is the blame on me, because I have enabled her so much and you can say just been there for her unconditionally. I have shared my concerns with her, as a best friend. But she just doesn’t get it.
Has anyone been in a situation where in a best friend relationship, there are cases were one is always giving? Well, I am that person. My friend even recently acknowledged that in comparison to her, I have always been there for her. I guess that is why it hurts when I feel like a moment that I can count on her like my wedding, I feel like I cant share anything with her because Im afraid she may judge me, offend me, or make me feel bad for having the life I have.
Well, I am so excited for our destination wedding and trip! It’s a month away! I am planning to go visit some of my family members who live 5 hours away to spend time with them and possibly do bridal showers etc. My best friend was planning to also go since she has family there and she can possibly partake in the events if I have any. I made sure I went down during her break to avoid her complaints on how she does not want to spend money on two trips. I am very considerate and always have been with her. She informed me she is not coming down anymore, which is totally fine, I have no issues with that (though she was bugging me and making sure that things have to be around her schedule). Because of this recent uncomforting feelings with her, I kinda even feltl relieved that she is not coming because she would probably stress me out (this is my fault though because I am always worrying about her, just always making sure she is taken care of.) I am slowly trying to stop doing that and start taking care of my own needs and myself. And while she has reminded me that I should not worry about others including herself, I know her. She is a brat. I know my best friend.
While I know I don’t feel comfortable as much as before with her, I was hoping to see her before my trip. Since we were going to be in the same city, I was planning to go to lunch or dinner, talk (maybe even share my feelings a bit more in detail) and say our goodbyes. She is my best friend and I want to be able to say goodbye and have her wish me all the best before I travel and get married. However, since she is not coming anymore, I just don’t feel like making the trip to go visit her (she lives two hours away from me). I always go visit her, I always am the one to initiate things, yet this time I really feel it should come from her to say “hey let me go over to your place and spend the weekend. How can I not see you before you leave?” Basically, I am tired of going out of my way for her, if in the end of the day she would never do that for me. I would go up and beyond for my friends, but I think it’s time to also be around people who would do the same. If she does not plan to come visit me before I leave for my trip, I may not even see her before I get married, because honestly I don’t see why I have to. Plus, I have so much going on, planning, emotionally getting ready and also financially that its time for me to think of that first, rather than being afraid that she is going to be upset because I wont go down to visit her before I leave to my Destination Wedding trip.
What do you guys suggest? Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Should I just go as planned and simply “go with the flow” and accept the fact that if she is not even willing to come and plan to visit me or say goodbye before my trip, that its not worth to even see her? Im just tired of feeling dissapointed and resented with her.
Thanks bees. And sorry for the long post.