(Closed) Entitled bride – can't be around her! Help! (Long – sorry)

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
2345 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

No, you’re not a terrible person for not wanting to go! You’ve bought gifts, you’re attending the wedding and you aren’t in the bridal party. Think of a good excuse, – arrange a conflicting appointment if it helps, and spare yourself he expense and the annoyance. Hopefully she’ll recover herself a bit after the wedding. 

Post # 3
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Nope it’s time for you to think of YOURSELF.  I’d go to the shower and the wedding and give the gifts you can afford.  Otherwise spend what money you can and enjoy your own wedding party.  My “friends” who weren’t in the bridal party either didn’t contirbute anything to the bachelorette party or gave a $10 git if they wanted to.  Sorry but I’ve never known anyone I know that had an engagement party of a “two day getting ready party” or whatever it is lol.

Post # 4
Member
47458 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
Soon2bmrs1:  People can only take advantage of you to the extent that you let them.

Feeling obligated to attend and purchase gifts for an engagement party, shower and wedding for someone whose company you don’t really enjoy is silly.

Just say no (decline the invitation).

Post # 5
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
Soon2bmrs1: don’t go to those events. Also call jane out on her shit. It’s unfair of you to dislike her if you aren’t willing to let her know why. She’s not a mind reader. or accept her as is. Up to you. 

Post # 6
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

You are under no obligations to attend these events or give gifts. Just go to the wedding with a gift and attend maybe one of the other events. You don’t need to help plan the bachelorette since you’re not in the wedding party, so I don’t understand why this is an issue.

Post # 7
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Go to the shower and wedding if you already RSVP’d yes, skip the bachelorette since you really do not like her. You are not a terrible person but just do not care for her much. If you haven’t yet said yes then better to decline, let the people who do care about her be there.

Post # 8
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If you don’t have the time or the money to go to the events, then don’t go. While a wedding day is all about the bride and groom, they also need to realize that their friends have lives (you have a wedding coming up) and that everyone will not be able to attend all of their events. Just because she seems to be wealthy, does not mean that everyone she has invoted to her events is in the same boat. When planning my bachlorette, it was more impoortant to me that I spend the day with people I care about than have some crazy fancy event. My friends and sister or an budgets, so we had a budget friendt event. If Jane wants to have a fancy, expensive event, then the cost of that is that people may not be ablr to affort to attend. I also agree with PP that since you are not in the bridal party, you are not obligated to plan ANYTHING for her. As a sidenote, I had a friend who is on a super tight budget attend my shower and not give a gift. Guess what? I was happy she took the time to come (and not work) to my shower and celebrate with me. Also, you should call Jane out on her bragging, otherwise she has no idea that it bothers you. 

Post # 9
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - The Victorian

 

View original reply
Soon2bmrs1:  I have a very good friend who decided to get married a few weeks before me. I had my date set a year out and she set her date about 2 weeks ago. I will be going to the wedding (which is a flight and an hour-plus drive), but I had to tell her that I just won’t be able to attend any pre-wedding festivities. I just have too much other stuff to do with my own wedding at that time and we’re paying for the majority of our wedding, so we will not have a ton of extra money. I bought her a nice gift when she got engaged and I will get them a nice wedding gift, but I just can’t make it to all those other things leading up to the wedding for my own sanity. Tell her you are excited for her and can’t wait for the wedding, but you have things to do for your own wedding right now and won’t be able to make it.

Post # 10
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
Soon2bmrs1: You aren’t in the wedding party so you arent obligated to go to any of these events or spend an exorbitant amount of time and money towards them. I would politely decline the invitation and come up with any excuse if asked (although you don’t owe anyone an explanation).

Post # 11
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Decline the invite… simple.

Post # 12
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Then don’t be around her. There’s something very liberating about being mature enough to decline invitations to things you don’t want to go to.

Post # 13
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
Soon2bmrs1:  Just decline. nbd.

Post # 14
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

Maybe I’m just a cynic but she doesn’t sound like “a sweet girl on the inside” –you can barely tolerate her for three hours max on a good day? She sounds like a self-absorbed twit. I understand not wanting to destroy a casual friendship or upset someone, but the universe does not in fact revolve around her or her wedding. It’s okay to refuse to ask “How high?” when she tells you to jump, and if that’s friendship-ending for her, well…those are obviously her true colors.

Decline the events that you haven’t said yes to yet, and get her gifts within your budget. You’re a guest, in no world are you obliged to go to/pay for that bachelorette party.

If you catch even a hint of shit from her about the cost of a gift, (which you probably will when she takes offense to you not dropping everything to cater to her),  widen your eyes and sweetly bemoan, “Oh, I’m so sorry, we’re really scrimping and saving right now, we’re not quite up to Jack’s amazing ____k salary yet! Do you not like it? Do you want me to return it? I’m so embarrassed!”

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