- 5 years ago
I need some advice, or maybe some tough love. This is long, sorry. My fiance and I are getting married in a few months. “Jane” and her fiance “Jack” are getting married a couple of weeks before us.
Context: Jane is tough to be around. She’s a sweet girl on the inside, but she also has some really ugly qualities that make her difficult to spend time with. She openly brags about everyhing from her “natural talent,” to her fiance’s pay check (she doesn’t work), to her trust fund. She’ll tell me that I have to do things – like get my nails professionally done for my wedding – because “it will look terrible otherwise.”
I can spend 2 – 3 hours with Jane before I have to politely excuse myself. I don’t feel close enough to her to talk to her about these things. I know she considers me a close friend (I’m really not sure why), but I don’t feel that way. We know each other because we participate in a shared hobby – think, book club.
With their wedding coming up, Jane has tons of events planned. The problem is two-fold:
1) With Jane’s tendency to brag, it’s getting even harder to be around her. I don’t want to attend these events and spend the whole time hearing her talk about how great she is. I hate the idea of gritting my teeth and smiling through hours of this. I’m the only one from our shared hobby who was invited, so I don’t/won’t know anyone at these events except for Jane.
2) All of these events are EXPENSIVE and I’m starting to resent that I will have bought an engagement party gift (already done), a bridal shower gift (this weekend), a wedding gift (in a couple of months), and contributed to her bachelorette party, while Jane openly brags about how much money they have, and we’re penny pinching. (Not that the comparison matters, but we didn’t have an engagement party and I’m not having either a bridal shower or bachelorette myself, as we don’t have a bridal party.)
Speaking of the (two-day) bachelorette… I just received the invite yesterday, which sparked this post. The party weekend is two months away, and the Maid/Matron of Honor sent out invites early so that we could all plan the weekend together, including “surprises” for Jane. I know what goes into planning and executing even a small scale bachelorette, and I really don’t want to spend the last few months before my wedding helping to plan this two-day extravaganza – not to mention the expense, and then spending two days straight with Jane.
If I haven’t mentioned already, we’re just guests – neither my fiance nor I are in the wedding party.
Lastly, to be fair, I think Jane’s personality has been exacerbated by the wedding planning process. Though always braggy, she hasn’t always been this bad. When she’s not bragging about herself, she’s actually quite a nice person, and we’ve really enjoyed spending time with her and Jack in the past. Jack is nothing like this, and because he calls her out on it, she tones it down when he’s around. While we’ll never be super close, I’m hopeful that things will go back to normal after their wedding and she’ll be more pleasant to be around again, so I don’t want to burn any bridges.
Am I being a terrible person for not wanting to go to these events? Do I need to suck it up and attend? Am I being reasonable, and if so, is there a way to get out of all these things? Help bees!