(Closed) Erg! Shut up about your daughter already!!!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Just for fun, how shall I drown my silly sorrows?
    Leftover champagne in fridge : (41 votes)
    44 %
    Leftover rose wine in fridge : (43 votes)
    46 %
    Beer : (9 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    717 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m sorry you’re struggling with this.  it sounds like you’ve made every effort but you can’t force it.  stop chasing them.  be cordial and civil but stop begging them.

     

    what does your husband say about this?

    Post # 4
    Member
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I’m sorry you are having a tough time with it!  I have a whole lot of tips, but do agree with PP.

    ETA:  There is no option for all of the above Wink

    Post # 5
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Im sorry you are going through this and I cant offer advice on how to deal with it but I can tell you that you could be in my shoes and it would be the exact opposite of what you are feeling. Fiance has 2 brothers and a sister and his mother is amazing and I love them all but they are VERY OVERBEARING! We are super close with his family, his sister lived with us last summer, has a key to our house comes over whenever she wants to, his mom has just recently just put in an offer on a house 3 doors down from us, his brothers live out of town but stay with us like every other weekend, we have family dinners with his fam at least once a weeks sometimes 2 or 3 times, me Fiance his sister and mother all play in the same volleyball league, Fiance and I are the first to get married in his family so its EVERYONES business (so they think) etc etc etc. So as someone coming from the opposite side of the spectrum Im telling you its not so bad to not be super close to them because sometimes its a little overbearing and I want to rip my hair out! It sounds like they do like you and care about you so thats great, youve done all you can and maybe thats just the way they are with other people as well….. has your Fiance noticed they are like this with you? Does he have any suggestions he can offer? Have you talked to him about it?

    Post # 6
    Member
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I’d go with the rose wine.  I’m sorry they’re not responding the way you want them to!  I don’t have much good advice (that’s why I picked the rose wine).  Just keep being lovely (but maybe back off a bit with the gifts and stuff and just stick to polite conversation and emails).  There’s no point in letting yourself be disappointed even more.

    Post # 7
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    You can’t change them. I’m sorry. It’s possible that once you’re married or have children they will include you more, but try not to get your hopes up.

    Try to direct all of this effort and attention elsewhere. Make some new friends, or reinvest in your relationships with your old ones. Reach out to your relatives. You sound rather lonely, and your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law have probably picked up on that and are avoiding letting you in for fear that you’ll want to be included in everything and interfere with their one-on-one time. Once you back off and don’t come across as so desperate to be included, they’ll probably be more inviting.

    Post # 8
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I know it’s hard not to, but I would try to not take this personally. All family dynamics are unique (and often weird!) and there isn’t always a good way to explain or understand them. If you were another woman, I am sure they would treat her the same as you – this is about their bond and relationship, and the way they interact with each other vs. the world. Not just you.

    My advice would be as other PPs and just… relax. Take a step back. Be happy and friendly and YOURSELF, but otherwise, stop trying so hard to fit it. You’re only stressing yourself out! It will either happen naturally, or it will remain the way it is. Pour yourself into other relationships where you get the feedback you crave! 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2084 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 1993

    I’d drink it all.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. Is there anyway your Fiance could speak to them?

    Post # 12
    Member
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @HerNameWasLola:  You didn’t come across as clingy to me. It just sounds like you want a close relationship with your FI’s family. Who could blame you? Hopefully they come around, but in the mean time just let it go. Some people are just like that. My sister-in-law is never affectionate in any sort of way, and she has been in the family for over 20 years. The rest of us are very affectionate, but she’s just different unless it’s with her own family. I think it’s a little outside her comfort zone to be as close as we’d like her to be.

    Post # 13
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I’m sorry your ILs aren’t as close to you as you’d like. I think you need to back off and accept the fact that they have different expectations for their relationship with you. As long as they’re not being rude or disrespectful to you, they should have the right to set boundaries that they’re comfortable with. It may hurt that you came in with different expectations, but I think you should focus on changing your expectations rather than trying to change them.

    Post # 14
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I really feel for you. I’ve tried for 6 years too. After we got married some of his family is now friendly with me but still keeps me at a distance. Only now, I am the one who doesn’t feel like trying any more. I know they will probably never call unless they need something from Darling Husband and can’t reach him. I figure it is their loss πŸ™‚

    Have some wine πŸ™‚ Let it go if you can πŸ™‚

    Post # 15
    Member
    4371 posts
    Honey bee

    They’re just not that into you, and that’s ok. Just be nice and move on. No need to keep investing in a one sided relationship.

    Post # 16
    Member
    340 posts
    Helper bee

    It might be because you were just a girlfriend and they didn’t want to get close just in case that you guys broke up, but now that you are engaged and soon to be married things will change and if they don’t I would write a long, heart-felt letter explaining how you feel. And make your txts and msgs about how excited you are to be apart of their family. I am so sorry you are dealing with this though and you have a right to be upset and hurt. Also, if you don’t feel comfortable maybe have your Fiance talk to them about your concerns. I hope you have a better day!

    The topic ‘Erg! Shut up about your daughter already!!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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