Post # 1
For wanting to get engaged and married.
Heres what happened, I went to dinner with my friend the other night and we were having a great time and we were talking about different gem stones and the subjest of marriage came up and she was asking me what kind of wedding I would have (I am not engaged btw so it was purely fantasy talk lol) Anyway I said I would just like it to be a simple affair and that she would obvs be maid of honour (which she was happy about)
Anyway after dinner we went to the pub for a couple of drinks and we were talking about her ex (she was engaged but they broke up about 7months ago) we frequently talk about him and how she is doing and I fully support her and have been there for her thru it all. She then goes on to say ‘ I think you are all F**in idiots for wanting to get engaged and married’ and she meant it, it wasn’t in a half humourous way it was in a nasty way, if that makes sense…
Now I get that she is hurt because of what happened in her previous relationship, but was there really any need to say that to me after what we were talking about earlier on in the evening? And I assure all of you bees that I never talk about my relationship in any detail to spare her feelings obviously because of what happened.
But she seems to not be too bothered addressing my feelings with the same kind of tact.
Urgh. It’s just playing on my mind.
Post # 3
Does this change your opinion of having her as your MOH? If it does, I’d tell her flat-out how this made you feel and that you don’t know if you can have her support you on your wedding day. If it doesn’t, though, I might ignore it and chalk it up to her seemingly very tough time.
Sorry you have to deal with this!
Post # 4
@abbie017: I think because by the time I get married it will be a good while away because SO and I are hoping to be engaged at some point this year, that her feelings will hopefully be different by then because I hope she would have met someone who treat her right and she will be really happy.
I think she is saying it because she is hurt and upset, but she just seems to make a habbit of saying things things like this and not thinking about how it makes me feel.
Another example would be not long ago we were talking about jobs and careers, and I have an office job it pays well for the hours I do and I do enjoy it, but it’s not the kind of job where I could move forward in, but I am happy and grateful to be in work because times are bad and I work with great people :]
Well she just sits there and says how she wants a career and that she doesn’t want to be like her mom (her mom does the same job as me) in a dead end job that isn’t interesting and she wants to go places. (I mean I am happy and supportive of her upcoming career) but I just didn’t think she realised how hurtful and degrading that was to say to me…
She does this alot.
Post # 5
Hostestly, we are! If we only have about 50 procent of making it, normally we would not choose to make such an commitment in life. It was a bit rude of her but i wouldn’t think about it too much especially since you are not engaged so she doesn’t know you are waiting to get engaged.
Post # 6
@Cookie86: but she does know that I am waiting to get engaged, I mean I’m not going to say anything to her about it I just needed to vent. It just got to me.
Post # 7
Well it is her opinion and frankly if we can’t tell our friends what we really think and not feel that we will be judged for it then then are not really our friends.
She was drinking so the delivery of her opinion was probably not the best but at the end of the day I think the important thing to remember was that she was happy when you talked earlier about her being the maid of honour at your wedding. At the end of the day she seems willing to put her general feelings on weddings aside to support her friend and I think that is all you can ask.
Post # 8
@j_jaye: I don’t think it was about judging her it is her opinion, I just felt it was a tad agressive and condesending and if you readmy post after that, she has made a habbit of being condesending towards me in the past.
p.s she had only had 1 drink.
Post # 9
I think she is just hurting. She was mean about it but with a clear head and a few months, she should hopefully feel different. It’s like on the Sex in the City movie where Miranda told Big that Big and Carrie were making the biggest mistakes of their lives.
Post # 10
@MissLittleChicken: She was talking out of her own pain. She’s definitely still hurting from her own situation but that doesn’t excuse her comment. Honestly if one of my best friends said that to me I would call them out or shut them down on the spot because that was rude and just because someone wants to get married doesn’t make them an effing idiot…wtf. That was very consescending and just because someone is hurting doesn’t mean they can say any old thing to everybody…it’s called self control.
Post # 11
Clearly she is hurting. Not that it was okay for her to say but cut her some slack. It’s not really problematic at the moment since you’re not even engaged yet. Might have been a bit different if you were actively planning your wedding, but I’d just let it rest for now.
Post # 12
Aw, I’m sorry she was snarky and bitchy. It’s never any fun when people take out there frustrations on those they love. But it happens to the best of us. At least you realize this is just her misdirected anger over her own relationship. It will likely get better with time. But sucks that you are dealing with it now.
Post # 13
I can understand why it hurt your feelings, but I think it is far deeper than just a random opinion. She was engaged just a few months ago so she believed in engagements and weddings not that long ago.
Has she always been the kind of friend who will just come up with random opinions and not give a rip about hour feelings? Is this her norm or is this something you haven’t seen before?
In all honesty, I really think it is the hurt talking. Let it go and keep your ears open to other things like this she says. Then you can take her to lunch, tell her you are very concerned for her based on these things and ask her what you can do to help her. Of course, no wedding talk. I think she is just angry and hurting and you got the brunt of it.
Post # 14
@MissLittleChicken: She sounds like a crappy friend. Have you ever addressed this issue with her? I personally would let someone say those kinds of things to me, much less a friend. People don’t get free passes to be rude just because they’re having a hard time.
Post # 15
@hermom: This is actually her normal behaviour and I have been the most supportive friend anyone could ask for. and I do love her to pieces, but sometimes she can be quite mean, even when she was still with her ex. And I know your going to say then why stay friends with her, it’s because she has some great parts to her personality too. It is a hard friendship tho sometimes 🙁
Post # 16
It sounds like she’s feeling very hurt and bitter and twisted right now from her past failed engagement. Who can blame her, really. But I wouldn’t take harsh words spoken after a few too many beverages too seriously. Just let her blow off steam and move on. Hopefully, she’ll be in a happier and better place by the time you do get engaged and married. Most of us have had similar moments of cynicism, I think, and gotten over it.