Post # 61
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
I’ve said this befpre and I’ll say it again, it’s me that’s calling his ex evil, for the record it’s not a term he has ever used for her. We have bad mouthed her yes but in all due reapect nobody knows the true extent so none of you can say if he is out of order. He isn’t out of order. I’ve never said anything other than they fell out of love, everybody has faults in a marriage of course they do but the complications started after they seperated…they have both admitted this so no I wasn’t a witness in their marriage so remain quiet on that aspect. I go off what I have seen of her since
I haven’t claimed he is perfect…far from it!! He’s an arse but I’ll defend him when you wrongfully accuse of other things, that’s not me “making excuses” for that’s just being honest
he is not an animal abuser!! He had been letting her out for a pee whenever she alerted us to her need, just so happens she didn’t alert us on one occasion so he yelled at her…that’s not acceptable but it’s not abuse
he did not propose to me to keep me, like I’ve said before he proposed after that
at no point has he ever pited me against her, none whatsoever. Nor has he ever bad mouthed her to the children, I’m unsure where that came from
a doormat?! No, I just disagree that you should not pick apart someone’s character over one fault, I will defend myself accordingly as well as him, that doesn’t mean I’m finding excuses
thank you for the sensible advice and support I appreciate that massively
I did not come here to speak about his exwife or the divorce I mentioned that as a side note but that clearly opened the floodgates for a bitch fest, please continue if you must but ultimately those comments aren’t what I came here for
My family and friends have no negative comments regarding us or our relationship, even when we broke up there was literally none of this bitching, I was supported in either moving on from him or working it out
Post # 62
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
colourmeyellow : Then it sounds like you’re all set. Go work this out and marry him. Good luck 🙂
Post # 63
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
Thank you I’ll come back when I need advice over the divorce
Post # 64
Member
7441 posts
Busy Beekeeper
colourmeyellow : Ok bee, I’ll try to be more empathetic. Maybe this relationship isn’t what you’d consider a true shit show, but is it making you happy? Your relationship should be a source of comfort, stability, and happiness in your life. Not a source of stress and anxiety. Your relationship should be your ROCK…it should be the one constant in your life that holds you steady when everything else around you is crashing down. In your case it kind of sounds like the opposite. You literally said you’re at rock bottom. Why are you at rock bottom? Because of your relationship. That’s not how it’s supposed to work in a healthy relationship. That’s all we’re saying.
As for your family and friends’ lack of negative comments, yeah my family and friends also chose their words very carefully when they were gently trying to counsel me about my previous shit show of a relationship because they didn’t want to offend me or alienate me. Randos online aren’t going to be as gentle though. I probably would have balked at the term “shit show” too when I was still in the relationship with my ex, but looking back with a few years of perspective and now being in a wonderful marriage with a man who is 100% my rock, hell yes “shit show” was an apt term. We couldn’t communicate and we made each other unhappy. it was a shit show. The good news is, there’s a better guy for you out there, and there’s probably someone better suited to your partner too. Your relationship shouldn’t feel like an uphill battle. I sincerely hope you find your happiness bee.
Post # 65
Member
13719 posts
Honey Beekeeper
colourmeyellow : You seem to take a lot of things at face value or for what you imagine they “should” be. What the divorce papers say proves nothing. It may just be that neither one of them wanted to air their dirty laundry. More to the point is you weren’t there and don’t really know.
Your family and friends have no negative comments about your relationship because they are part of your real life and have seen you break up and get together multiple times already. The stupidest thing you can do is badmouth someone’s SO, especially if there’s a chance they will get back together. It’s a good way to drive away someone you care about.
Post # 66
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
tiffanybruiser : seriously thank you!! Is it making me happy?? Usually yes, right now?? No
I’m at rock bottom because of this yes, ending a relationship is tough and although there will be someone out there for me, right now I’m sad at losing him and starting a fresh
Post # 67
Member
1421 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle
Are you sure the ex-wife is the evil one?
Post # 68
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
colourmeyellow : girl it’s hard to end a relationship no matter what the relationship was like. Even when I was miserable, it was still hard! The brain has a way of reminding you about good times and forgets about the shitty things that made you leave in the first place. We’re here if you want to vent!
Post # 70
Member
7441 posts
Busy Beekeeper
colourmeyellow : I understand that completely. Ending a relationship is brutal. But you will get through it! The future is bright.
Post # 71
Member
9940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Toxic relationships can be very addicting. There is a constant temptation to keep trying to “fix” it, change it, make things better. It’s an adrenaline rush, even.
He gives you just a little bit of kindness every once in a while, just to keep you attached to him when he feels he’s losing control of you.
I get it, been there.
The thing is, you have to be in a relationship with a mature, emotionally healthy person to have a mature, emotionally healthy relationship. Your SO sounds neither mature nor emotionally healthy.
It is difficult ending a bad relationship; but you should get off the toxic merry-go-round because you deserve so much better. You can find better once you get away from this toxic man and this toxic situation.
Post # 72
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
End it. Its that simple. No man should make a woman he loves feel like your SO has made you feel.
Post # 73
Member
13719 posts
Honey Beekeeper
You are judging the ex wife as “evil” because of her behavior during the most stressful time in her life. I hope you will give equal consideration to her ex.
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