(Closed) Established Couple Syndrome & Registry Remorse? AGH!

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

First off, tell all of your family members and friends that you are comfortable telling, that if anyone asks, that they should mention that money is always a great idea. I am my SIL’s Maid/Matron of Honor and can honestly say I’ve had at least 10 people ask what they “really” want for their wedding. They aren’t an established couple, so they do need everything, but I would have no problem telling them “well, they’re trying to save for a house, so money would probably be the biggest help” if the couple had asked me to do so. 

Next, I would take anything that you don’t actually want off of the registery. If you wouldn’t buy something yourself (if money was no object) because you weren’t really into it, what makes you think you’ll like it better just because someone else bought it for you?  

There were lots of things that I wish we hadn’t registered for, and others that we didn’t, yet I wish we had. Go through your registeries a couple of times and really think about what you want/need, then go from there. 

 

Post # 4
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We are an established couple, have been together for 4 years, lived together for 2, and recently bought out first house.  We have had a very tough time creating registries. I was worried about prices, and things I “should” have, like crystal and fancy frames and a million kitchen gadgets.  I’ve since gotten over that and deleted crystal, silver frames, and many of the other fancy registry “necessities.”  If I don’t care about them and wouldn’t buy them on my own, they’re just going to feel like clutter to me!

Being an established couple also meant that the things we want are upgrades, and more expensive – Creuset cookware, nice knives, etc.  I found myself not adding the things I wanted for fear my registry would be too expensive.  I got over it and figured that people could buy gift cards if the cheaper items are taken.

I would recommend you go through your registry and only register for things you want.  Otherwise it’s going to be a big pain to return things, and people will wonder why the expensive crystal vase they bought off your registry isn’t displayed in your house Smile

Post # 5
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Darling Husband and i registered for things we needed (towels, sheets) and things we wanted (kitchen aid! i got two haha)- we both had our own places so we were set on almost everything. We kept our registry small (hoping for cash) we made out good on both though. im trying to think what we registered for:

a nice shower head

kitchen aid

new knives

a new duvet

towles/sheets

some placemats i liked

but we tried not to go crazy because we were hoping for $$$ – not proper etiquitte i know but i didnt voice it outloud – i thin we registered for a total of 25 things -and probably got 15 of them

Post # 6
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I agree about word of mouth for some people.

If you dont want china, dont get it.

dont feel bad about the 3.99 spatula. I have found these small items go quick because people buy several of them. So get more or upgrade measuring cups, cast iron skillet, the collapsable strainer etc.

Also think a little outside the box even within your traditional registries. Like a great stainless steel garbage can, new shower curtain and toothbrush holder, electric toothbrushes.

Cookbooks?

New pillows?

If you go for something like Target you could look into grills, camping equipment, gardneing stuff etc.

Just a few ideas

Post # 7
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

another bride suggested a “wishing well” online for me as I too am more established. You could easily put a note that you two are saving for a home, I think guests would be more open to giving cash if they knew you had a goal.

Post # 8
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Someone also suggested Honeyfund at one point, which is a website where you register for a monetary amount for something specific for your honeymoon. Even though your guest gives you $100, they register on Honeyfund for a $100 for a spa treatment; that way when you write a thank you card, you can tell them about the spa treatment. I know it’s not exactly the same concept, but if you want $, it could be a way to incorporate it. Fiance and I are in a similar situation, but haven’t started on our registry yet.

Post # 9
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

We are established, and we still were able to only register for things we really wanted (we don’t NEED anything, and made that clear to everyone and offered a charitable donation option as well).  We’ve gotten some board games, upgraded some camping equipment, gotten a $30 camp sink that I’ve always wanted and just never bought myself, some NICE flatware, a lovely high end vase, some nambe picture frames that I would have NEVER bought myself.

We are inviting an older crowd, and I will say that 80 percent of our guests have bought from our amazon.com registry, so don’t discount that.

Go back through your registries and remove things you don’t want, and then just enjoy the process.

Post # 10
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

We, too, are an established couple (been together 6 years, lived together for 5 ½). We have everything that we need/want but we’re still registering for upgrades on a few items (and the Dyson that I haven’t been able to bring myself to buy). I definitely feel like we’re registering for the sake of registering but there are things that we could use, just don’t necessarily need. Like you, I don’t think our families will be impressed with the $12.99 Pyrex dish that I want to replace the one I shattered into a million pieces.

I know this is highly regional but in my area the gift registries are only used for the shower and pre-wedding parties (most couples actually make the completion date the shower date, not the wedding date). 99% of guests give monetary gifts for the actual wedding, which we’re secretly hoping for. 

Post # 11
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

We were established (had stuff from 2 different households) and only registered for the stuff we really wanted.  We took off the china (we weren’t sure we wanted it), but were sure we wanted really great pots and pans, knives, vacuum…. there were no towels, sheets on our registries – but we did have the random gadgets.  I did take stuff off that was less than $5 that didn’t make sense (like who would really get it) but I don’t see any reason why you can’t keep it on there!

There were some things we ended up taking back (wasn’t our plan, but Darling Husband decided against some things he originally thought he wanted).

I was surprised with how many people gave us cash gifts instead of presents.  My advice is to just register for what you really want/need, and leave the rest up to the discretion of the guest.

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