Post # 1
Anyone ask their boyfriends when they felt comfortable popping the question, And then they do it way sooner?
Example: say you asked him when he felt he was ready for marriage, he says 4 years and then asks you only two years later?
I’m being a bit too hopeful that it’ll happen sooner for me than he said but he is pretty straight forward so I doubt it. I’d love to hear everyone’s story on this topic. 🙂
Post # 2
I had the opposite, so sorry to not be much help. Early on we thought three years would be the timeline, then four years came around and he said it would be early 2017. He proposed June 24th which is barely still the first half of the year! Haha.
Two years earlier than he said seems like a big difference, but a variety of factors can push up or delay a proposal. For us it was a rough patch and then money/jobs. How old are you?
Post # 3
Wait, aren’t you only 18 and you’ve only met your boyfriend 2-3 times in person because you live across the country from him?
I don’t think he will be proposing early. He’s got the right idea. You two both need to think about school and your careers before making a huge commitment. Focus on yourself and learning what you want in life. You haven’t seen enough of life to decide to move/give up career prospects for him. You haven’t seen enough of him to know if you two are truly compatible.
Post # 4
Do not ask them about it specially if you are still too young. They’ll freak out. Trust me.
Post # 5
colorfuldreams : I was 19 when I started dating my now-husband. Honestly, while I knew I wanted to marry him fairly early on I also knew that we were incredibly young and immature and didn’t see us actually marrying much before 30. As it was we were engaged at 24 and 25, and married at 27 and 28; which felt and still feels young, but we’d been together a long time by then.
Honestly, if he’d proposed when I was like 20/21 I would probably not have accepted as we were very much in the honeymoon phase at that point, and we have both changed considerably since our early 20s (we’re now 31/32). And I would 100% not have got married before 25.
Post # 6
It happened relatively quick for us, but we were in our 30s when we met, had both been around the block as it were, and were just both in the same place mentally about getting married. I think it was like 3 months or so from the first time I brought up the topic of marriage with Darling Husband until he proposed.
Post # 7
We talked about 2 years being a good amount of time to be together before thinking about engagement. He proposed at 2 and a half years. I felt emotionally ready at 1 and a half. So I was quite ready when he finally did.
Post # 8
I’m not really concerned with my age, I know people married at age 19 and they are still married, and I can attest to her successful marriage because she’s a part of my family that being said he was significantly older by about 11 years. If he freaks out then that is fine, we probably dont want the same things then, which sounds mean and I know we both have lives to form but I just wanted to see where we were headed. Ive dated him long enough that i found it acceptable to bring it up, im waiting on his timeline though and as you’ve said, im young so i have time. The reason I asked him is I feel i love him enough I am ready when he is. However the fact he wants to wait so long is why I was slightly concerned so I asked, and it seems he wants to be fincially stable which is 100% understandable. ( he might be the guy who thinks a rings has to cost more than a car, despite my saying it doesn’t I have a feeling that is also a factor) he also wants to live closer which is a bit of a different topic than this because 4 or 5 years later just means I’ll have finished my degree and be poor or trying to build a foundation for my job somewhere he won’t be because the army makes you follow. I do see everyone’s point though, I am young, I don’t want to scare him too much. So while I may hope it’ll be a bit sooner than he said I can wait because our careers are important.
(I typed on my phone sorry about the lower case i’ s my phone has it out for me)
Post # 9
When I first started dating my fiance, he was pretty anti-marriage. He had a few nasty relationships in the past. Then about a year into our relationship, he came around to marriage but stated that his timeline would be 10 years. I was 25 at the time and said I was absolutely not waiting till I’m 35 to get married. About two years into our relationship, he knocked himself down to a 5 year timeline. I was okay with this. I was sure to tell him that we would have a longer engagement, which I think helped with him proposing before. He ended up proposing 3.5 years into our relationship and we are getting married after almost 6 years of being together. So we ended up on the 5 year timeline which we were both comfortable with.
I don’t know if this will help you at all LOL.
Post # 10
We started talking about marriage from the get go to make sure we were on the same page. First looked at rings about 8 months in. Didn’t get engaged until we’d been together two years and living together a year and a half. We were 27 when we got engaged.
At 19, I would wait a significant amount of time before marrying anyone. I was with my ex for 7 years, 19 was an age that was part of that time frame and I was convinced I loved him enough and we’d been together so long and everything would be fine if we got married. Plus, I had friends who got married at 15 and were still happy, so, I mean, it would totally be the same for us since we were sooooo much older and more mature, right?!
Spoiler: everything would have been a pile of shit had we gotten married.
Post # 11
colorfuldreams : I’m not so much concerned about your age as the fact that you have only met two or three times in person. Is this the case? If so, you really don’t know enough about this guy.
Plus you mention that in four years you’ll be poor and building a foundation for your career in a place where he isn’t. All that is still the case right now. Except that you haven’t even started building the foundation for a career. And your have to wait 4 years of long distance to get married or have a long distance marriage for at least four years of you got engaged now because you haven’t even started college. Seriously, hold your horses.
And trust your guy when he tells you that he needs time. He’s not lying to you about this. Don’t try to read clues into what he’s saying. Actually enjoy being a young adult. You’re about to enter a phase where you will have a type of freedom that you won’t get again if you end up married and with a family. Enjoy this phase. Grow from it. Mature from it. And then start thinking about marriage.
Post # 12
Okay I definitely should have looked into the backstory first. Can I ask why you are so eager to get married at 19? It definitely seems to be more about getting married in general than about the guy, since you think him sticking to the timeline he already gave you means you “want different things.” Sure, there are examples of teenagers getting married and it lasting, just as there are examples of couples getting married after 10 years and then divorcing a year later. But the odds are against you here. What’s the rush?
Post # 13
It’s time to focus on now. You’re in college? Focus on building your life, your friendships, and discovering what you want out of life. If things are meant to be with this man, they will happen. Why rush it?
Post # 14
Regarding your question—DH said he never wanted to get married. Nineteen years later, he proposed. 🙂