Post # 1
Yesterday I ran into my grandfather who I haven’t seen in atleast four years. We have never been close. He has always been difficult to be around…he’s sexist, somewhat racist, and just all around angry at the world. He is a good grandfather to my uncles’ children (all boys), but has always been hard on and cold towards me and my sibs (mom is his daughter) and my cousins (my aunt’s children). I’ve never been good enough. I used to see him occassionally, but when he told me he wouldn’t come to my h.s. graduation or grad. party I had had enough. At that point my graduation was understandably one of the most important events in my life and he just wouldn’t come (I think because my gma- his ex would be there but idk).
But yesterday he was so sad and seemed to genuinely miss me and my brother. He asked if I would call and stop by sometime soon. I left feeling terrible….what do I do?
I know I should go and see him, but he somehow always makes me feel bad. Should I give it one more try? And if he wouldn’t come to my graduation or my brother’s, I can’t imagine he will come to my wedding. It makes me so sad and then I get mad at myself for that because he has always been so mean.
One more thing…he refuses to acknowledge our younger (half) brother. My mom is so torn up about it (she also has a bad relationship with him as you might imagine). I just don’t know what to do…
Post # 3
That’s a tough one. I am in a similar situation. My grandfather passed away about 18 months ago and my grandmother kind of went off the deep end. Christmas was the tipping point when she got into an argument with my mom and we left. She then proceeded to send me a check for the exact amount of money I spent on her gift and the gift she bought me that I accidently left at ther house, she returned to the store. Anyway, I haven’t spoken with her since Christmas now. My dad insists I should just be the bigger person and talk to her. It’s hard, I want a relationship with her but not the person she is now.
Maybe start out small, give him a call and see where it goes.
Post # 4
Sometimes it does take a bigger heart to heal a huge rift. I know about it since I’ve got a weird mom who went off the deep end and became pretty much a teenager since my dad passed away.
I would try to have your grandpa there and tell everybody to make him feel welcome. He may have realized how deeply he hurt you and his actions may have come back to haunt him.
If a heart seems repentant, then give them a chance! It is your family. I believe in living life with no regrets and trying to let my ego take a back seat. Hard to do, but with my mom sitch and a few things regarding my ex husband and a weird sitch like that too, it can be done.
If my mom shows some slight improvement we’ll have her there. It’s wonderful however your grandfather seems to have shown that he has feelings and that there can be a basis for healing. I’m still waiting on that w/my mom.
Post # 5
I was wondering, is there a good reason that he refuses to acknowledge our younger half brother, I mean, did your brother say or do something unforgiveable to him?
I understand that it may have been awkward and difficult for him to attend your grad and seen his ex wife her new husband but I feel that he should have put all feelings aside and been there for you on your grad day, even if he had only stopped by for a few minutes.
I’d either do one of two things: I wouldn’t invite him because he can’t just pick and choose what moments he wishes to be in your life. He has to be there all of the time or none of the time- your not an option, you’re his grandchild. Or, continue to visit with him and see if his attitude improves and if he makes an effort to meet you half way then I’d consider inviting him. Also, I would take in to consideration how your other family members who have been ignored by this man will feel about him attending your wedding, if it’s going to make their day uncomfortable then I wouldn’t invite him. I would look out for the folk who had been consistent and comforting in my life and if that meant not inviting grumpy gramps then so be it.
Post # 6
My grandmother did the same thing! She’s difficult to get along with, but then she called me to talk. I ended up sending her a wedding invite, to which she declined to attend because “she’s too old to travel that far.” (Did I mention I had a wedding close to home for this very reason?) I say give him a chance, but be prepared for whatever reaction you get.