(Closed) ethical bridesmaid money dilemma

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

If it were me, I would talk to each of them; separately, and not in front of the others and give them the option to drop out or accept your offer to pay for their dress and/or hair. I also would not tell the other bridesmaids what you are doing. It should be something just between you and each of them. I would not expect a gift from them or any of the other bridesmaids. Their gift is to help you out prior to the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with noritake22.  My motto as a teacher is “fair isn’t always equal.”  This goes for your bridesmaids too.  Clearly they mean a lot to you, so I would be straightforward with them and allow them the option.  Do it in a way that allows them to keep some pride and dignity, and if no one else knows about it, you should be good to go!  One of my bridesmaids had to fly from the completely opposite side of the country to be there, so I offered to pay for her dress.  She turned me down, but I think it made her feel better that I was very receptive to her money concerns.

Post # 5
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i asked the girls all to tell me the amount they were comfortable paying for a dress. the dresses my moh and i chose ended up being more than the amount 2/7 of the girls had said they could pay. for those 2 girls, i sent them individual emails saying that i’d pay for the amount over what they had said they could pay. it went over REALLY well–they both thanked me and were totally happy to have me pay for part of their dresses. i was actually surprised at how little drama ensued, just because it seemed so awkward! i didn’t ask the girls to buy matching shoes–they all wore black strappy shoes on their own choosing–and i didn’t expect them to get their hair done, though some of them did.

Post # 7
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m in a similar situation. 2/3 of my bridesmaids are mothers with young children and their money is tight. I dont feel right about asking them to buy an expensive dress but I also dont want to sacrifice how I want my bridal party to look. The dress that I am considering is not very expensive as far as bridesmaids dresses go (approx. $150) but it may be too pricey for some of them. I plan to discuss this with my girls separately and ask them what they are comfortable spending. Our wedding isn’t until October and we are going to start looking at b-maid dresses in January so they will have plenty of time to save if they need to. Fiance and I have decided to cover the remainder of the dress cost for my girls if they can’t afford the full price. This way we don’t have to shell out the entire amount for each dress but only whatever they’re not comfortable spending.

Post # 8
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

I would do EXACTLY what Finnaroo said.

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