- 5 years ago
1) Childhood friends that are no longer friends:
My FI’a parent have a group of around 8 couple friends who had children around the same age. Fiance grew up with them and did “camping” and other activities but my question is: Is it rude to not invite them?
We’re already inviting the parents- even changed the date to accomodate my Future Mother-In-Law having “her friends” there. But Fiance doesn’t want to invite the kids as well as it will dramatically change the price with our caterer (from 110 to 122 including SO’s and spouses) but my Future Mother-In-Law insists, saying it is not right to not invite them since they “went camping together.”
Fiance doesn’t even talk to them unless they bump into each other when their parents are having dinner together. He was not invited to any of their weddings and he did not feel offended.
Fiance wants to go ahead and take them off the list but we’re having everyone RSVP on our website which allows you to RSVP as many members of the party as you would like. My fear is that the parents will RSVP their children as well even if we do take them off the list. How does one go about this?
2) Future Mother-In-Law insisting on “traditional” things that are uncomfortable to me. Do I still do them?
My Future Mother-In-Law is insisting I walk down the isle with my father. The issue is I have a terrible relationship with my parents. In fact, I wanted to elope just to AVOID having my parents at such a happy time of my life.
To put things in perspective, I ran away at 18. I slowly reinvited my mother back into my life for some reason (guilt) but my relationship with my dad is nonexisistent. We don’t speak.
I had sent my mother some pictures of me trying on some wedding gowns and she hated all of them. She said that they were all cheap and I was “omg so fat.” She said that she forwarded the pictures to my father and he agreed that I looked fat and stupid. It made me cry because it always feels like a fight to just involve them.
My Future Mother-In-Law is also insisting on the father-daughter dance. I don’t even speak to him – much less touch him. I haven’t physically touched my father in anyway since I was very young. We are not affectionate and I was not given hugs or kisses. The thought of dancing with him makes me squirm. Typing about it makes me want to puke a little.
How do I address this with her? I bring up the fact that I had a touch childhood and that my parents don’t do dancing. She brushes the comments of with “It’s for your wedding. He’ll die some day and you’ll regret it.” Or “he’ll do it! It’s for the wedding!”
I’ve even blunting stated, “I don’t want to.” But she goes into another speech on how I’ll regret it when he dies and how her own father has done nothing for her but she’s taking care of him anyways in his old age. I’m confused on what to do because she is VERY insistent as she never got a wedding and out of the two sons, probably only Fiance will get married. But I don’t want to do anything with my father besides take some photos with a decent amount of space between us (like a wall or 3-4 people).
Would it be the end of the world if I didn’t do those things with my father? Is there any other explaination I could try to tell her on why it would only make my wedding worse?
Sidenote: I am actually very close with my Future Mother-In-Law. She’s an amazing, smart woman who is ambitious and caring. I’m closer to her than my own mother. She comes off a bit overbearing as she works in the “men’s world” of construction but she means well. She’s also a bit pushy and demanding as she is the type to get things done right the first time through. It’s VERY hard to convince her otherwise when she believes in something.