Etiquette – asking guests to pay for rooms

posted 2 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

annabananabee :  My reading was that the £14,000 includes the rooms which is why it’s so expensive. So if the guests paid for all 35 rooms themselves it would be £5,250. 

Post # 33
Member
6602 posts
Bee Keeper

That is $400 cad equivalent, and I would never pay that per night. An uber from a further hotel would still be cheaper. 

Post # 34
Member
3393 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

If you can afford it, you could consider offering the rooms at a reduced rate. 

Also, talk to your family and closest friends and see what they think. Because yeah, on the surface it may feel like subsidizing your wedding, but at the same time if they’re going to have to pay for rooms nearby anyways, there’s a good chance plenty of guests would happily take advantage of rooms being available right on site. 

Post # 36
Member
3393 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

After reading the rest of the thread I agree that booking this venue may not be a wise move, regardless of any etiquette considerations.

I’d certainly be nervous about s venue that has only hosted two weddings before, unless of course the only thing they are providing is the actual space and you’re coordinating all the other stuff anyways. But if they’re at all involved with the wedding set up or program, I’d be wary and at least talk with them some more about their relevant experience.

I’d also maybe try to reach out to some of the reviewers and see what they say. I did that while researching resorts for our wedding. I went on TripAdvisor and searched the reviews for weddings so I could send a PM to the people who left them and get their honest feedback on some of the stuff that wasn’t included in their review or that I wanted further information about. Everyone I reached out to was more than happy to help! 

Post # 37
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

If you can’t afford to pay for the entire venue, choose another. If it’s all family except two couples, I would pay for it all and not charge my family to stay at the venue. 

On another note, I wouldn’t trust a venue who has only had two weddings. 

Post # 38
Member
1255 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018 - The Venue, Barkisland, UK

There’s no shortage of country houses in the UK, so I’d be looking elsewhere. I wouldn’t pay that room rate as a guest (and anticipating a UK-typical cash bar, I’d expect the prices to be extortionate) and I would be wary of somewhere that’s only hosted two weddings; the price would have to be a lot lower for me to consider it.

Post # 39
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

nicotinerush :  I don’t think a guest should be expected to subsidize the bride and groom’s expensive choices, you may get a lot of declines if you choose this. 

Post # 40
Member
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

nicotinerush :  we had this at our venue. Half we had to pre pay for and half were open bookings. We “reserved” them for immediate family and let them know in the invite including cost but said to let us know if they didn’t want it so we could release the room. Our guests paid on checkout so we didn’t handle the money (I did have to request this). But ours were £130. I’m not sure than even with our 128 guests we could have filled 35 rooms at £250 per room that’s super expensive.

ETA PP mentioned cash bar. We paid for half a bottle, welcome drink, toasting drink, a 2 tokens per person. The idea being that everyone could have a good time without having to pay for their drinks unless they wanted to get crazy drunk. It was a compromise as my Dad wanted an open bar (and to be fair he would have paid it) but I didn’t want to risk carnage, some of our friends have no filter.

Post # 41
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

You don’t want to be in a position where you have to collect money from your guests. I would pick a different venue. Maybe they’ll let you take some engagement photos there so you have the nice photos without the hefty price tag and having to push your guests into staying there.

Post # 42
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

It feels like you would be asking your guests to pay you back for the venue, because that’s exactly what it would be.  Going this route would be a financial risk (what if many of your guests prefer to stay elsewhere and you don’t fill all 35 rooms?) and would create a really uncomfortable situation where you’re asking invited guests to pay you directly for expenses related to the event at which you’re supposedly hosting them.

Post # 43
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I am UK and quite a few venues have this set up. However, everyone I know who’s booked one offered rooms at the venue as an option, not compulsory. Also, I would never pay that much for a room. I think you have to know your crowd. I think it sounds really stressful to be on tenterhooks seeing if enough people stay there and for this reason would look elsewhere. 

Post # 44
Member
211 posts
Helper bee

This type of set-up is totally normal for many venues in Ireland. You book up the venue and the guests are offered the rooms at whatever price. Obviously it’s their choice if they want to take them, and you could be left with some of them not taken, but I’ve never heard of it happening. TBH I think it depends on where you from, and this site is skewed towards the US and people tend to say things are ‘rude’ (e.g. this, cash bars) when they are totally normal in other places. Here it’d be extremely rude to not pay for bridesmaids’ dresses, I’ve literally never heard of anyone having a bridal shower and would consider that kind of event rude. I wouldn’t consider it rude to offer rooms like this … so what I’m trying to say is you’d be better off asking people you know their opinions because this site is going to give you a very US-centric viewpoint.

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