Post # 1
I love to read the posts on here and often find a lot of the suggestions quite useful. I must say many Bees offer the best tactful responses ever…but sometimes I find that the hang up on etiquette gets to be problematic. Anyone else find that sticking to the “Rules of Etiquette” can make things harder?
The biggest one I don’t understand is not mentioning gifts in the invitation…we put “No gifts, please” right on the invitation. But if I received an invitation with “We are registered here…” I would be so thankful. It would make my life so much easier.
We put “Dress is Formal”. I hear you’re not supposed to tell adults how to dress, perhaps but I don’t want anyone showing up at my wedding looking a mess because they thought we would be outside. 99% of my guest don’t know what my venue looks like. I want them to be dress accordingly and feel comfortable.
Don’t tell them they can’t bring a date because they will know when it’s just their name on the invitation — nope, didn’t work.
I’m inviting real people who have never been to reform school (and like me probably can’t even spell etiquette if it were written up top) and I need certain information to be given to everybody.
Just curious if anyone else has drown etiquette to the wind do to ease…
Post # 3
Clear labels on my invitations. It didn’t ruin my wedding, and as far as I know no one declined because they were so offended by the clear label. And you know what? My hand didn’t cramp, it was cheap, and it was fast!
Post # 4
I threw the etiquette book out the window when we got engaged. It’s not 1900 anymore. I am all for making things as easy and informational as possible for everyone. I really don’t think anyone on our guest list would notice if something wasn’t quite per etiquette. I’m at the “I don’t give a damn” point in the planning. I’m going to do things how I see appropriate and fit, and sorry if I offend someone, but that’s how it is.
I totally agree with everything you said!
Post # 5
There was a post earlier about a pregnant bee that lived far away from her family and wanted to have a get together to celebrate. So many posted how it’s tacky and rude to host your own baby shower (bridal shower, etc) as it is gift-grabby.
My thought is, no matter who hosts/plans/brings it together – a shower is a party to give gifts. So, if the mom or sister hosts it, it’s gift grabby. But if a friend hosts it, it’s not? Who cares who hosts it?
Similar idea for house warming parties. You’re not going to ask someone to host a party in your own house? It’s just weird to me.
Post # 6
I feel the same way! Some rules are so old fashioned now and who even cares anymore?!
There’s another wedding forum (I’m sure 99% of you know which one I’m talking about!) that is SO caught up in everything etiquette, it’s crazy. I imagine those people to be really stiff and serious in real life.
Post # 7
I follow most “rules” and even when I decide not to, I at least come here and get opinions so I can weigh the potential pros and cons to make an informed decision whether or not to follow them.
However, even though it’s the Bride and Groom’s Big Day, I do believe in at least being considerate to the guests and making an effort to understand how they would feel about certain things. You don’t have to have every detail of your wedding conform to whatever will not offend everyone else, your preferences be damned, but there should be a balance somewhere.
Post # 8
Yeah I would have loved to thrown in a “we are registered Here” on the information card because I’m very picky about my kitchen stuff and I really don’t want things that I wouldn’t actually buy myself. I know you should accept any gift and be happy but as a cooking and baking fiend I’m pretty particular. It seems kind of pointless and wasteful for me to receive something and then have to give it away to Goodwill. I’m hoping that’s an extreme that won’t happen though. I have received so many invites with this information I thought you were supposed to send them out. But anyway, I didn’t put it with my invites it’s only on my website and on the shower cards my Maid/Matron of Honor sent out. However, it sounds like practically no one visits the websites.
I’m not sure I’m breaking any etiquette rules though. I’m going to use return address labels! They have a cute monogram on them!
Lucky for me my MOHs were sooo excited to plan a shower for me. Cause I would have been kinda sad if I didn’t have one!
Post # 9
@MrsPBandJ: I think the problem is that sometimes sticking strictly to “etiquette” doesn’t work because your whole family doesn’t follow those rules and/or it makes things uncomfortable. For instance- “etiquette” dictates that all my cousins above the age of 18 should be given their own invitation and a +1. Well, that is about 30 “extra” people for me. If I gave all my SINGLE cousins a +1 I would have to not invite 30 family members. Believe me, not inviting several aunts, uncles & cousins would be seen as FAR ruder than not giving my 18 yr old cousin who lives at home and will have a great time when she’s seated with her other cousins at the reception a random +1 so she can, what?, bring a gal pal with her? Makes no sense.
Meanwhile, almost every invitation I’ve ever received to a shower or wedding has had registry information in it. The one time I got one that didn’t I was SOO annoyed because I didn’t know what to get them! I didn’t know their family members, only other friends, none of whom knew where they were registered either. It ended up they DID have a registry, but were following “etiquette” rules and “passing the information word of mouth”. Well, it never reached me! So annoying. I WISH people still put attire expectations on invitations. I used to see it all the time. Now I never know if I’m going to be over dressed or not!
Post # 10
There are some etiquette rules that really need to be kept. The people that don’t know how to properly address an invitation and don’t bother to look it up cause all sorts of confusion. When an invitation is addressed to Ms. Smith only, and there’s a space to write in how many people are coming, Ms. Smith doesn’t know if that invitation includes her fiance, her children, if she’s supposed to assume they’re all invited or if it’s just her! People who don’t send thank you cards because “That’s so outdated” make me want to do the Snapple smack on their heads. And trust me, if you don’t send the cards, people WILL notice. Most of them are just too nice to say something to your face.
That being said, I’m all about getting my return label stamp. I am NOT writing that 100 times, thank you! And I’m strongly considering the clear address labels.
Post # 11
There’s nothing wrong with providing information, people welcome it. But it has this stigma of being demanding. If you list dress code, you’re telling grown people what to wear. If you put registry info, you’re telling people that you expect a gift and where that gift should come from. I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with putting that information on an insert or something if it can’t be on the actual invitation.
Post # 12
Fuck etiquette, do what seems nicest and easiest for your guests and what makes you happy = my entire motto of planning any event
Post # 13
@MexiPino: Nope, etiquette only dictates that your over 18 cousins are supposed to get their own invite. No such thing as plus ones. You need to invite their fiance or spouse if they have one.
So you’re actually in the clear for inviting those 30 family members. Your young cousins don’t need random dates.
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
We’re sending emailed (classy Paperless Post) invites. *gasp*
Post # 15
While I understand how annoying it is to follow each and every silly etiquette rule, I would just like to say that as a guest of weddings that have not included registry info on the invitation (which has been all, in my recollection), I’ve found it isn’t that difficult to look the couple up on stores’ websites. True, you might miss some obscure store’s registry this way, but you will certainly get the basics (Target, Pottery Barn, Belk, Bed, Bath, & Beyond, etc…) And if you have a feeling they might have registered at some offbeat stores, ask them!
Post # 16
Just FYI: I’ve thrown out three unopened wedding invites because I thought they were junk mail. They used simple labels on them. I’m not old fashioned, I just toss junk mail immediately.
Etiquette is a set of guidelines, not absolute rules. Ultimately, you want to be considerate of your guests & behave in that manner.