(Closed) Etiquette Breaches

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

People who are fully aware of the wedding date, acknowledge receipt of the STD and invitation and fail to RSVP via response card or e-mail! I don’t get it! I have a cousin who did this and he tried to get my mom to pass me a message from him (even she got annoyed by his behavior and told him to call or e-mail me himself..what are we, in the dark ages?!) . And before I jumped to conclusions, I made sure he was alive, well and not in any sort of crisis. 

I know he uses the internet. He’s in his early 30s, and he’s got time to use Facebook and post bazillion photos of the meals he consumed. I’m sorry but if you have time to do that, you have time to send me a 2 word e-mail. Ugh.

Post # 17
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

 

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JiminyCricket:  I agree, lack of consideration for guests is the worst breach of etiquette for me. I once went to a wedding at a very pretty church, the bride was quite late and the ceremony was quite long so by the time it was over we’d been there for probably 1.5 hours and quite a few guests were desperate to get to the reception (a 30 minute drive away) and.. err.. use the facilities as there were none at the church. The photographer wouldn’t let people leave though and kept everyone there standing around (in the cold with quite a few girls shivering in thier partners borrowed jackets) for probably another 40 minutes through all the bridal party pictures so they could photograph us throwing confetti as the bride and groom left the church (smiles by that point were a bit forced). The bride and groom are generally lovely people and they had planned the wedding in six months so probably didn’t have much time to dwell on the details but the lack of consideration did let them down

By The Way I’m also in complete agreement with Bees who have mentioned wearing white to weddings, I’ve posted a whole thread about this, I’m irrationally incensed by it

Post # 18
Hostess
5622 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m not huge on etiquette, and neither is my family, however, we all get a sour taste in our mouths when we are at a wedding and there is limited or horrible food/drink.

I went to my aunts wedding when I was 15 years old, and our family STILL talks about how awful the food was. All that was served was a thin slice of roast beef [think arbys roast beef], a spoonful of potatoe, spoonful of green beans, and a dinner roll. It was family style and they sat 12 people at a 10 person table.. and never adjusted the food, so me and my mother each ate a dinner roll and what was left of the mashed potatoes. On top of the awful food, you got 1 glass of water with your meal, and then everything after that was a cash bar [including bottled water, soda, juice, beer, wine].

Needless to say, we left after the first dance to stop at mcdonald’s before they closed.

Post # 19
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

Two of my friends got married a few years ago and quite literally our entire circle of friends were members of the bridal party except me. I honestly did not feel too bothered by it, she had a sister who was her Maid/Matron of Honor and then the rest on both sides were friends. She must have wanted even numbers. I got spared the dress expense, so who cares? What got to me though was being left out of everything. Practically every wedding event was bridal party only so I was the only one of our friends left without an invitation. It was especially frustrating for the rehearsal dinner. I understand that typically that is close family and bridal party only, but my boyfriend was the only one there without his SO. People kept asking him where I was and it made him really uncomfortable. He also overheard the bride telling people that I had declined because I had to work. Nope. Wasn’t invited.

Same thing with the morning after brunch. On top of all that, it was an out of town wedding. So for both of these events my boyfriend was answering awkward questions about where I was, and I was in the hotel room watching TV.

  • This reply was modified 7 years ago by mohbestie.
Post # 20
Member
2706 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

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mohbestie:  THAT is horrible!

This happened to me last night:

A few weeks ago I was verbally invited to a bridal shower.  I was a bit surprised considering I didn’t expect to be invited and hadn’t received an STD or invite to the wedding.  The wedding is now 18 days away and I received my thank you card that said “*just a reminder the reception is at Xpm at x – hope you can make it.”  

Seriously?! My “invitation” was part of a thank you card?  And no mention of the ceremony?

GIFT. GRABBY.

Post # 21
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t like when people throw their own showers (bridal, baby, bachelorette party, whatever). That bugs me.

Post # 22
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

 

stillme:  I have a friend that threw her own baby shower. It was a little awkward (mainly because she also ran all the games) but I’ll give her a pass.

Her SIL thew her one and would not let her give any input on the guest list. Mommy-to-be wasn’t allowed to invite any friends of co-workers or her SIL would have a tantrum. It was strictly family only. A lot of her friends had already bought gifts and were expecting a shower, so she decided to have a small one at her house for those people. Her Mom co-hosted, but has a lot of health issues that affect her memory so she wasn’t great with the organization or time managment on the day of. There were maybe 10 of us and it was fun. My Mom pointed out to me how big of a faux pas it was, but I don’t think she invited anyone who hadn’t expressed an interest in participating in a shower in the first place.

Post # 24
Member
2354 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m not big into etiquette rules. I mean, I follow the basic rule which is to make sure my guests are properly hosted and comfortable, but I also follow my judgement, traditions, and what’s considered acceptable or not in my social circle. Ex.: cash-bar is acceptable, dry weddings are a huge faux-pas. Potlucks are welcomed and quite common for small weddings, while registering for gifts is uncommon and would be frowned upon. I don’t plan on doing any of these at our wedding, but as a guest, I also wouldn’t be offended by a cash-bar and I would happily participate to a potluck, dollar dance, and other traditions that might not be ”appropriate” etiquette-wise, but are FUN ! I don’t care wether or not I’m served top-shelf liquor or if the venue has a valet service, I want to laugh and celebrate the people I care about and do silly things like pinning a $5 on the groom’s tux while dancing the Macarena.

Post # 25
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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mohbestie: Why didn’t he say that you weren’t invited? I can’t stand liars. Just own your decisions. I don’t think it’s my job to make people feel comfortable about their own choices. 

Good on you for having so much more grace than I have!

Post # 26
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

 

bitsybee:  From what I remember, for the most part my boyfriend told people who asked that I wasn’t invited. He just felt really uncomfortable about it, especially when people came up to him saying “it’s too bad MOHbestie had to work…”

Post # 27
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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laceydoilies:  haha, yeah. No hard feelings at all – I just wouldn’t (won’t) do it myself!

Post # 28
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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brendaray2009:  I think if you’re gonna have a coronary cause there was no address or stamp on an envelop then you need help pronto.  

My biggest ettiqette pet peeve is not giving everyone a +1 especially if they are in a relationship and “child free” weddings ecept for precious nephew and godddaughter and my best friend’s toddler, and breastfeeders… UGH!  You can’t have it both ways!

Post # 29
Member
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The only etiquette issues that really bother me are those where the guests aren’t taken care of. I’ve been to weddings with not enough food. I’ve been to weddings with TERRIBLE food. I’ve been to weddings where everything was a cash bar, even water. Weddings with not enough chairs and I had to stand for hours in heels, balancing a plate and a drink. Weddings where the guests are asked to cater the whole thing out of the goodness of their hearts. It’s even more obnoxious when these things happen and the bride is in a $3000 gown, or all of the attendants are carrying peonies out-of-season. Take care of your guests — those are the parts of the wedding that people will actually remember.

Post # 30
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Etiquette does not require response cards. In fact, they are traditionally viewed as impolite because they suggest that you think your guests do not know how to respond to an invitation.<br /><br />But obviously they don’t, or we wouldn’t all be on here bitching about having to track them down!

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