Post # 1
My friend who is getting married at the end of the year is having her shower this month. She is keeping the gathering small due to COVID and is following all CDC guidelines (masks, temp checks at door, hand sanitizer, distancing etc) and put invitation only on all of her invites that she sent out. She invited her aunts (she has 4 of them) two of them live in Idaho which are both coming out. She did not invite all her cousins, a bunch of friends etc because she was trying to keep her numbers small and only inviting those who were the most important to her. Auntie (let’s call her Gwen) from Idaho calls host to say that she is coming and she is bringing her daughter (cousin of the bride) and her daughter is bringing her 1 year old baby. Cousin wasn’t invited and bride and cousin have a history of cousin trying to one up the bride constantly. They aren’t close, they don’t speak on any regular basis and haven’t spoken in a decade. Hostess explains this is an adult party and that there aren’t any accommodations for a child and there will be adult things at the party such as drinking, nicotine and profanity. Gwen says that’s fine that her daughter Rachel will bring accommodations.
Rumors say that Rachel isn’t the best mother. She took small baby to a loud concert with two of the aunties that live in Idaho with her and when baby was wailing she expected the aunties to take care of the child. She also has bragged that her husband changes more dirty diapers than she does (she does not work and he works a full time job). Rachel is well known throughout her family to be stuck-up and literally thinks the world revolves around her.
Needless to say bride is stressed out because she didn’t invite this cousin who she doesn’t particularly care for, she invited herself and is deciding to bring a small child when there are going to be no other children at this party and she seems to have a tendency to not want to take care of the child. It’s like she likes the attention she gets from having a cute small baby but not the responsibility of actually having to take care of one. Aunt Gwen and Rachel have already bought plane tickets being that the shower is this month so she is full blown expected to be in attendance.
The bride feels like because her whole family (except for these two aunts that live in Idaho) lives here in Colorado that her cousin is using her shower as a way to show off her new baby and make it about her. I have given my advice about boundaries that are given the second she is greeted through the door and that no one is going to steal her thunder because no one knows Rachel and no one cares and tbh people will more be like why is there a baby at a bridal shower to begin with but she is still on edge. Any helpful tips on how to proceed with grace?
Post # 2
An indoor event? Inviting and allowing people to attend who have to fly? For that matter an unnecessary party of any kind? Seriously? Tell your friend it’s a bad idea and to cancel the whole thing. Problem solved.
Post # 3
she has had time to think about this and knows the risk so I’m not going to scold her over a decision that has been made and isn’t going to change. Not to say that you’re wrong. But if future posters can refrain from stating the obvious that she shouldn’t be having a party to begin with that would be great.
Post # 4
Really simple solution… Bride put foot down, tell them who can come and who can’t. If Aunties are upset then they can skip it also and go have other fun with their daughter and grandchild. Sounds like Bride is a push-over and used to this happening so they think it’s OK to make their own rules.
A flat out “NO” should do the trick. Good luck!
Post # 5
Aside from how this is an awful idea because, hello, pandemic…
Your friend lacked a backbone when it mattered – before the plane tickets were purchased. A very simple, “I’m sorry, Aunt Gwen, but I invited you and only you can decide to come or not to come. Given the PANDEMIC, I cannot accommodate others at this time.” In other words, she should have shut that down from the very beginning. If Gwen says Rachel will accommodate the baby, repeat again that you CAN NOT host Rachel; she is not invited. You need to keep numbers low and that’s that.
If she is afraid to stand up for herself like an adult, then I don’t know what to say. She put herself into this mess.
Post # 6
Yeah, it REALLY bears repeating, having people who FLY IN FROM ACROSS THE COUNTRY isn’t keeping with guidelines, even with masks and sanitizer. Beyond that, the risk skyrockets once you pass the 15 minute threshold. So yeah, I’m definitely on team “cousin is a bad mom” if she’s flying her baby to a party, regardless of whether or not she was invited.
Ignoring the pandemic, the only thing she can do is just say no and deal with any fallout.
Post # 8
I agree. I’m not going for that exact reason and didn’t get having a very small child around a bunch of them people that aren’t already in their social circle. I didn’t really know what else to say because I felt I said all I did.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Tell your friend that she needs to let her aunt know that her cousin and her daughter are not welcome at the party and they will be turned away at the door if they show up. It’s bridge-burny but I have no tolerance for boundary stompers.
It doesn’t matter that someone who wasn’t invited bought a ticket. I could by a ticket to Vegas and show you at some random wedding chapel, that doesn’t mean I have a right to be let in. Cousin and daughter can cancel their tickets, or they can fly in and entertain themselves at the zoo or something, but they aren’t welcome at the party, period.
Post # 10
I don’t know where you get off calling me any sort of thing. Yes that is exactly why I’m posting because I’ve already said it’s not a good idea, nor do I think it’s very smart that if the party is going to go on that an infant is going to be attending and she knows my opinion. I will not be attending so maybe don’t make your nasty assumptions about me. Just was seeing what others opinions were about HER situation, thanks.
Post # 11
Given that children are often asymptomatic vectors for covid, I’d be more worried about that than anything else. However, your friend lost her covid high ground when she invited out of state guests to a party where the main purpose to receive gifts. On top of that, there will be drinking, which means lower inhibitions. Where I’m at, bars are shut down. Period. If you order drinks, you are required to order food.
If we weren’t in a pandemic, I’d be gracious and act like the baby wasn’t there. Since we are in a pandemic, I would do everything in my power to keep that baby from coming to the party, including cancelling or getting a bouncer.
A baby can’t wear a mask. When it cries or coughs, it doesn’t know to cover its mouth. It can’t articulate that it has covid symptoms. If the adults in the same room are standing around and drinking, they’re probably going to have their masks off. Chances are they’ll get within 6 feet of the baby and hover, breathing on each other and talking.
What is your friend going to do if one of these out of state guests registers a temperature at the door? Tell them, “Thanks for flying in, leave your gift at the door but you can’t come in”?
This party was poorly thought out. Any party can have crashers. During a pandemic, one of them can possibly kill everyone.
Post # 12
Pandemic party aside, shouldn’t the host of the party be handling this rather than the bride? If the host decides that this person can be at their home then the bride has two choices, suck it up or cancel.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t go to this party. It is too high of a risk–especially with people flying across the country. She needs to grow a backbone and just tell any uninvited guests “no.”
Post # 14
I completely agree. I think I may even show her this comment because it hits the nail on the head. I think she needs to see it coming from more people than me.
Post # 15
I’m completely floored that people are flying to attend a bridal shower. I’m even more floored that a mom is taking her 1 year old baby on a plane during a pandemic to crash a party she’s not invited to. I would not attend this party if I were you. This sounds way too risky. Where I live indoor dining and bars are not allowed. Add out of state attendees that just spent hours in a metal can with strangers breathing in recirculated air…hard pass for me.