Etiquette: crashing shower and bringing an infant

posted 3 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
13612 posts
Honey Beekeeper

An indoor event? Inviting and allowing people to attend who have to fly? For that matter an unnecessary party of any kind? Seriously? Tell your friend it’s a bad idea and to cancel the whole thing. Problem solved. 

Post # 4
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2021

Really simple solution… Bride put foot down, tell them who can come and who can’t. If Aunties are upset then they can skip it also and go have other fun with their daughter and grandchild. Sounds like Bride is a push-over and used to this happening so they think it’s OK to make their own rules. 

A flat out “NO” should do the trick. Good luck!

Post # 5
7704 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Aside from how this is an awful idea because, hello, pandemic…

Your friend lacked a backbone when it mattered – before the plane tickets were purchased. A very simple, “I’m sorry, Aunt Gwen, but I invited you and only you can decide to come or not to come. Given the PANDEMIC, I cannot accommodate others at this time.” In other words, she should have shut that down from the very beginning. If Gwen says Rachel will accommodate the baby, repeat again that you CAN NOT host Rachel; she is not invited. You need to keep numbers low and that’s that. 

If she is afraid to stand up for herself like an adult, then I don’t know what to say. She put herself into this mess. 

Post # 6
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Yeah, it REALLY bears repeating, having people who FLY IN FROM ACROSS THE COUNTRY isn’t keeping with guidelines, even with masks and sanitizer. Beyond that, the risk skyrockets once you pass the 15 minute threshold. So yeah, I’m definitely on team “cousin is a bad mom” if she’s flying her baby to a party, regardless of whether or not she was invited. 

Ignoring the pandemic, the only thing she can do is just say no and deal with any fallout. 

Post # 7
2060 posts
Buzzing bee


Post # 9
3869 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Tell your friend that she needs to let her aunt know that her cousin and her daughter are not welcome at the party and they will be turned away at the door if they show up. It’s bridge-burny but I have no tolerance for boundary stompers. 

It doesn’t matter that someone who wasn’t invited bought a ticket. I could by a ticket to Vegas and show you at some random wedding chapel, that doesn’t mean I have a right to be let in. Cousin and daughter can cancel their tickets, or they can fly in and entertain themselves at the zoo or something, but they aren’t welcome at the party, period.

Post # 11
1517 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Given that children are often asymptomatic vectors for covid, I’d be more worried about that than anything else. However, your friend lost her covid high ground when she invited out of state guests to a party where the main purpose to receive gifts. On top of that, there will be drinking, which means lower inhibitions. Where I’m at, bars are shut down. Period. If you order drinks, you are required to order food. 

If we weren’t in a pandemic, I’d be gracious and act like the baby wasn’t there. Since we are in a pandemic, I would do everything in my power to keep that baby from coming to the party, including cancelling or getting a bouncer.

A baby can’t wear a mask. When it cries or coughs, it doesn’t know to cover its mouth. It can’t articulate that it has covid symptoms. If the adults in the same room are standing around and drinking, they’re probably going to have their masks off. Chances are they’ll get within 6 feet of the baby and hover, breathing on each other and talking.

What is your friend going to do if one of these out of state guests registers a temperature at the door? Tell them, “Thanks for flying in, leave your gift at the door but you can’t come in”? 

This party was poorly thought out. Any party can have crashers. During a pandemic, one of them can possibly kill everyone.

Post # 12
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Pandemic party aside, shouldn’t the host of the party be handling this rather than the bride? If the host decides that this person can be at their home then the bride has two choices, suck it up or cancel.

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Post # 13
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I wouldn’t go to this party. It is too high of a risk–especially with people flying across the country. She needs to grow a backbone and just tell any uninvited guests “no.” 

Post # 15
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m completely floored that people are flying to attend a bridal shower. I’m even more floored that a mom is taking her 1 year old baby on a plane during a pandemic to crash a party she’s not invited to. I would not attend this party if I were you. This sounds way too risky. Where I live indoor dining and bars are not allowed. Add out of state attendees that just spent hours in a metal can with strangers breathing in recirculated air…hard pass for me.

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