(Closed) Etiquette dilemma!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should children be automatically included at showers and weddings if flower girls, ring bearers?
    No, the event is about the wishes of the bride/groom for their day! : (87 votes)
    91 %
    Yes! children are and should be at the center of all events even if not about them! WHY? : (9 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    4371 posts
    Honey bee

    Yikes. They are being completely unreasonable and rather mean spirited. I have never attended a wedding shower with kids there. Whether that is convention or not, you are still allowed to not invite them, especially if they are so ill behaved! Honestly, I think problems will arise with your daughter’s Future Mother-In-Law in the future anyway, whether over this problem or another event. She should stick to her plan, and let the chips fall where they may.

    Post # 4
    9917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I just think kids should be invited where their parents go, unless it’s an obviously only adult event, like a bar.  It’s easier for everyone if they are.  Kids are annoying sometimes but really not that much of a deal to me.  

    Post # 5
    4520 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Wow. You are not in the wrong at all. I would just tell them that you’re hosting the shower, it’s adults only, and you hope they can make it. If they continue freaking out and withdrawing themselves from the wedding, that’s truly THEIR problem. I wouldn’t pander to their immaturity or really pay any attention to their antics at all. Good luck. 

    Post # 6
    1736 posts
    Bumble bee

    Wow…I haven’t been to a bridal shower that included children either…so this is unfamiliar territory for me. I think that you have every right to make it an adult-only affair as you are picking up the majority of the costs. Why it has become such a huge issue is beyond me. I don’t understand why some people think it’s catastrophic to leave their children behind for a couple of hours. There is no way a 3 and 5 year old could sit quietly through the opening of presents (and IMO, it’s rather cruel to make them watch all those presents being opened as we all know that kids LOVE to tear into things in the hopes it is a gift for them). I can understand why it’s not appropriate to have them there.

    Honestly, I say, hold your ground and ask them to be respectful of the bridal shower as you are the hostess. If they don’t want to do that, they are the ones that look like jerks (now and in the end). I like what the PP said above, “let the chips fall where they may.”

    Post # 7
    3773 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    I would send the invitations, to the adult only shower, and if they decline so be it. It will only reflect poorly on his mother and sister if they aren’t there.

    Post # 8
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    There’s been a big trend lately, of grandmothers being a bit obsessed with their grandchildren and there being a lack of parenting from the actual parents. I see some of these same traits in my husband’s family, luckily not from his mother.

    I think you’re being a wonderful and supportive mom here. You have absolutely every right to keep an adult event an adult event. Let his mother throw fits now. By standing up to her early, it will make a clear indication of what behaviors will and will not be tolerated in the future. It’s just like teaching a child. An old, cranky child. 

    Additionally, I really think your daughter might want to rethink having the girls in her wedding party. How will she feel when it’s her train they’re running all over? 

    This mother-of-the-groom may be mad now, but I bet she changes her tune entirely when her son has children of his own. All the more reason to be strong now. 

    Post # 9
    2999 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Children at showers are the most obnoxious thing ever In My Humble Opinion. I hosted one and EVERYONE brought their kids because that’s what the bride wanted. OMG the noise and grabby hands. There’s probably going to be a lot of breakable items and kids will try to touch them.

    Post # 10
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @LadyDi59: I would inform them one more time this is an adult event. Make sure they know if they show up with children they will be turned away.  

     If they bulk, then kindly suggest they hold their own shower for the bride and groom with their families.

    Post # 12
    4193 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    These “heartbroken” children would be bored to death at a shower. I had mine 2 weeks ago, and I can not imagine a young child being there. Young children typically don’t have fun at adult functions like that, and after 15 minutes, I could see an “undisciplined and out of control” ripping into the gifts.

    I like the suggestion that his family can host their own shower, if they can’t possibly attend with these two children. Like MsMindle wisey said- “it’s rather cruel to make them watch all those presents being opened as we all know that kids LOVE to tear into things in the hopes it is a gift for them”

    I can see a lot of tears over “where’s MY present?” I’m really sorry that your daughter, future son-in-law, and you are dealing with this. Thankfully he’s supportive of your daughter- that’s the bright side to all of this.

    Post # 13
    1513 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    hahahaha that poll wording is a-mazing! 

    Post # 14
    3375 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I have never, ever seen children at a wedding shower…. SO ridiculous.

    If I was the bride and groom I would say that they no longer want children in the wedding and that they want their wedding to be the center of attention not the brats.

    Post # 15
    2031 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Forgive this post, but I have issues with people who automatically include their children in EVERY activity, regardless of whether or not they’re invited or if the event is child appropriate.  I don’t believe that children should automatically go wherever their parents go, and I don’t know when this trend of bringing children everywhere started.  They’re not little adults, they’re children who would have much more fun at home playing with their toys.  My flower girls were in attendance at my shower (which was held in a lovely country club, also not a backyard) because they were like my own children and I wanted them there.  They were also always very well behaved children, and if told to sit quietly at the table with Mommy, they would.  No other children were invited to the shower or my wedding, and the same rules will apply this time around.  

    I’m not saying all parents are like this, but I know quite a few people who use these events as free daycare, and they bring their little ones and hand them over to the first person they see and don’t have much interaction with them for the rest of the event.  Not to mention, that if their mother was a bridesmaid, she would have responsibilites at the shower, and would either be ditching the rest of the bridal party to care for her children, or would be ditching her children to care for the bride.  The shower is about the bride, and no one else (except the groom if it’s Jack and Jill).  Weddings are about the happy couple getting married, and no one else.  I’m sorry if no one agrees with me here, but that’s the truth.  

    Also, while I do not have children my 2 nieces are like my own children, as I spend everyday with them and they are frequently with me on the weekends too.  There have been a few times when I couldn’t go to showers or other events because I had them, and I never assumed I could just bring them.  I spoke to the bride / mother to be directly and apologized I couldn’t make it because I had the children, but would be happy to have lunch with them alone on another day.  No one was ever offended, including myself.  

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