(Closed) Etiquette: "Don't bring gifts to the wedding"

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@NJmeetsBX:  That’s a tough one. Does she have a family member that would take them for the time being?

Post # 5
Member
10567 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Some registeries allow you to leave a comment.  If possible I would do that.

We had a trusted neighbour check in front of our apt for gifts while we were away.  Even if guests intend for them to be delivered prior to the wedding sometimes there are delays.

If people know that the reception location will turn into their honeymoon hopefully they will know bringing gifts with them isn’t the best idea.

Post # 6
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@NJmeetsBX:  Hmmmm. That’s really tough. That’s when I would just ask for gift cards. I know that’s rude but I would see no other choice.

Post # 7
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’d rather give a couple money then buying them a gift then paying for mailing rates to mail it to them.

Post # 8
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do people really bring physical gifts to the wedding? I’ve never seen that before, I’ve seen people send them to the couple’s home or just give cards with money. 

Post # 9
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Even if the friend specifies on her registry and wedding website that she would prefer people not bring gifts to the cruise ship, there will still be about 4-5 gifts brought.

 

Guaranteed.

 

People are idiots.  If you forget, they’ll remind you.

 

**Make sure she has a friend or neighbor who can take those gifts back home before the ship leaves port.

Post # 11
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@NJmeetsBX:  Wow! I couldn’t imagine walking into a wedding with a vacuum! 

Post # 12
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

There is no way to do this and be polite. 

Even if something like this was on an invitation, someone may still bring a physical gift.

Polite guests will not bring gifts to a local wedding.  Gifts are to be mailed to the bride’s home before or after the wedding.  I realise that many people don’t follow this rule.

Spread it by word of mouth.  I would expect that most people even those lacking in common sense, would themselves not want to drag a coffee maker on a cruise, even as a wedding gift.  If for nothing other then their own convinience, thus making an impolite request unnecessary.

Post # 13
Member
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Many guests will elect to send registry gifts directly to the address the couple has on file with the merchant and will do this well in advance of the wedding.  Those who bring cards with cash or checks will not present a problem, as the couple could place those into a safe aboard the ship for safekeeping.

The couple could ask a friend or family member (even though the person lives several hours away) to take home with them any boxed gifts and gift bags that guests bring aboard the ship. The couple then could plan a visit following their honeymoon to retrieve the gifts.

Post # 14
Member
10567 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@andielovesj:  Many people don’t follow that ‘rule’ because it’s regional.

Post # 15
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@AB Bride:  It is standard “proper” etiquette to send gifts to the bride’s home — but there are certainly regions, ethnic groups, and social sets where exceptions to the rule are more common than following it; and Alberta is certainly one of those regions. As always I recommend following standard etiquette unless both bride and groom and their families come from a background that shares the same custom. And even in regions where the exceptions are common, there are social circles and ethnic groups that cling to standard formal etiquette. I certainly encourage my kinsfolk, even the Albertan ones, to send wedding gifts to the bride’s home; but I would be amazed to go to an Alberta wedding where no-one followed the (to me, “improper”) practice of bringing their gift to the wedding reception.

The original poster is from DC which, like many diplomatic centres, leans toward following standard etiquette. But if NJmeetsBX‘s friend’s friends are the exception to their regional norm, or even if one or two of them have a rushed disorganized week and remember their gift at the last minute, she may still end up with gifts at the wedding. Mentioning it in a note would be tasteless; mentioning it on her website is not a sure solutions since, internet savvy or not, guests have no obligation to visit websites.

I would be inclined just to deal with the chance. I am sure there is at least one moving and storage company at the port of destination. Arrange for them to come and pick up any gifts before departure, and pick them up when I return to port. Contact the post office to stop delivery while I am gone, and resume delivery when I return. And as backup in case UPS or Fedex do a drop-off delivery, have neighbour check for packages left at my home.  If you have no neighbours that you trust, most cities have pet-sitting services who will be willing for a fee to drop by the apartment once a day, and just check for packages instead of walking your non-existant dog.

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