(Closed) Etiquette for Bachelorette At the Bride's Apartment

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I didnt know people bought gifts for a bachelorette. I never have and I never expected nor received any at mine. I’m sorry but I wouldnt ask ANYONE to help with my party (bachelorette, shower, etc). I would let them offer if they want. I dont think take-out and alcohol will be that much for 6 girls so I would just buy it myself. 

Post # 4
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think it’s your job to provide anything, if you were going OUT, typically everyone would buy your drinks and your dinner so it makes sense they would chip in for take out etc… But nothing wrong with the snacks and maybe cosmo fixings or something like you said

Post # 5
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

Bachelorettes are a bit different from Showers… Showers are meant to be 100% Hands Off for the Bride, as they are thrown in her honour and often a surprise.

Bachelorettes which have gained in popularity now usually include far more intricate details (Overnights, Weekends away etc)…

So it is understandable that the Bride would be consulted… and they also typically are more small intimate affairs… often JUST the Maids, and so there is a sense of fun & informality

I would say that what you have chosen to do in all regards is just fine.  You are quite a CONSIDERATE BRIDE actually (very refreshing) in that you are taking into account the finances of your Sister the Maid/Matron of Honor, and the other Maids.

Offering up your Apartment is very generous.  And them all doing a BYOB I dont think is in the least bit tacky... as you "technically" arent the Host, your Sister & the Maids are jointly.

Having some “niceities” for the convenience of the attendees in my mind, in this particular scenario, wouldn`t be a bad thing

Just remember your Sis is the actual Lead Host… so you need to pass everything by her.

You don`t want to put her into a spot where she feels embarrassed or inadequate… she needs to feel this really is her chance to shine for you.

Let her.

Hope this helps,


Post # 6
7272 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t even bat an eye  if I was asked to bring money for take out, alcohol, and even a snack or dessert. If we were going out I would be paying for dinner, drinks and likely a hotel or cab so the way you’re doing things would be cheaper for me.

If you want to help with snacks or drinks I don’t see an issue with it (if it’s okay with your sister) but I don’t think it’s necessary.

Post # 7
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@marie_antoinette:  sounds good to me! i wish my maids wanted to do something like this :/ 

they all want to plan the bachelorette but not the shower… my luck!

Post # 8
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Every bachelorette I’ve ever been to, I’ve either paid my own way or have been asked to chip in a certain amount of money towards the costs of the party. In your situation, I’d provide some snacks and have some alcohol on hand, maybe you could mix up something like a sangria that everyone could drink if they wanted to.

Post # 9
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@marie_antoinette:  Ii don’t view this any differently than other bachelorettes I have gone to (they all asked for minimal contributions – like $15-20 pp to help with bride costs). It’s not like you are asking. It is also probably one of the cheaper bachelorettes. I think it sounds just fine and fun :). Just let your sister take care of the details! Have a great time!

Post # 10
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@marie_antoinette:  Every bachelorette I’ve gone to, I’ve had to pay for my transportation, hotel/accomodations, food, and drinks and I have 100% of the time always been expected to bring some kind of gift for the bride.

The last one I went to had a “panty parfait” for the bride where everyone brought a cute pair of undies and they all got thrown into a pretty glass vase for her to pull them all out of.

Another one, we were told to bring either nice, sexy, quality lingerie or gag lingerie (think granny panties or footie pjs).

I’ve never minded any of this!  If I want to go I go.

Paying for the things you’ve listed is absolutely acceptable, and way cheaper than anything I’ve ever attended!

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