Post # 1
My younger sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and my only bridesmaid. This is her very first wedding and her first time planning a bachelorette party (or even being at one) so she is very excited. I have helped her in the sense that we decided together that it would be a small movie-and-sleepover-type event at my apartment. Other than that, the planning is up to her.
She asked the 5 or 6 invitees in the invitation to help chip in for takeout that night for dinner, and also to bring alcohol in lieu of a gift for me so that everyone can drink what they enjoy.
I am OK with that, because I don’t want presents, and I think it’s great if everyone can help offset the cost of dinner because my sister is still in college. But I’m wondering…is this OK protocol for an at-home bachelorette, or should I be providing all of the food and alcohol since the party will be at my house? (The party is not a surprise in that I know everyone is coming to the house. I do plan on having snacks and drinks ready to go.)
Post # 3
I didnt know people bought gifts for a bachelorette. I never have and I never expected nor received any at mine. I’m sorry but I wouldnt ask ANYONE to help with my party (bachelorette, shower, etc). I would let them offer if they want. I dont think take-out and alcohol will be that much for 6 girls so I would just buy it myself.
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s your job to provide anything, if you were going OUT, typically everyone would buy your drinks and your dinner so it makes sense they would chip in for take out etc… But nothing wrong with the snacks and maybe cosmo fixings or something like you said
Post # 5
Etiquette Snob here… lol
Bachelorettes are a bit different from Showers… Showers are meant to be 100% Hands Off for the Bride, as they are thrown in her honour and often a surprise.
Bachelorettes which have gained in popularity now usually include far more intricate details (Overnights, Weekends away etc)…
So it is understandable that the Bride would be consulted… and they also typically are more small intimate affairs… often JUST the Maids, and so there is a sense of fun & informality
I would say that what you have chosen to do in all regards is just fine. You are quite a CONSIDERATE BRIDE actually (very refreshing) in that you are taking into account the finances of your Sister the Maid/Matron of Honor, and the other Maids.
Offering up your Apartment is very generous. And them all doing a BYOB I don
t think is in the least bit tacky... as you "technically" arent the Host, your Sister & the Maids are jointly.
Having some “niceities” for the convenience of the attendees in my mind, in this particular scenario, wouldn`t be a bad thing
Just remember your Sis is the actual Lead Host… so you need to pass everything by her.
You don`t want to put her into a spot where she feels embarrassed or inadequate… she needs to feel this really is her chance to shine for you.
Hope this helps,
Post # 6
I wouldn’t even bat an eye if I was asked to bring money for take out, alcohol, and even a snack or dessert. If we were going out I would be paying for dinner, drinks and likely a hotel or cab so the way you’re doing things would be cheaper for me.
If you want to help with snacks or drinks I don’t see an issue with it (if it’s okay with your sister) but I don’t think it’s necessary.
Post # 7
@marie_antoinette: sounds good to me! i wish my maids wanted to do something like this :/
they all want to plan the bachelorette but not the shower… my luck!
Post # 8
Every bachelorette I’ve ever been to, I’ve either paid my own way or have been asked to chip in a certain amount of money towards the costs of the party. In your situation, I’d provide some snacks and have some alcohol on hand, maybe you could mix up something like a sangria that everyone could drink if they wanted to.
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@marie_antoinette: Ii don’t view this any differently than other bachelorettes I have gone to (they all asked for minimal contributions – like $15-20 pp to help with bride costs). It’s not like you are asking. It is also probably one of the cheaper bachelorettes. I think it sounds just fine and fun :). Just let your sister take care of the details! Have a great time!
Post # 10
@marie_antoinette: Every bachelorette I’ve gone to, I’ve had to pay for my transportation, hotel/accomodations, food, and drinks and I have 100% of the time always been expected to bring some kind of gift for the bride.
The last one I went to had a “panty parfait” for the bride where everyone brought a cute pair of undies and they all got thrown into a pretty glass vase for her to pull them all out of.
Another one, we were told to bring either nice, sexy, quality lingerie or gag lingerie (think granny panties or footie pjs).
I’ve never minded any of this! If I want to go I go.
Paying for the things you’ve listed is absolutely acceptable, and way cheaper than anything I’ve ever attended!
Post # 11
Thanks, Bees. I feel much better with your advice and input, and I appreciate it!