Etiquette for choosing date

posted 7 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
8409 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@merlette:  Birthdays and Father’s Day happen evey year. A wedding is special and no single date is going to work for everyone. I would not bat an eye at being invited to a wedding on my birthday, Father’s Day, or Mother’s day. 

Post # 3
3781 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I wouldn’t mind any of this!  I think you’re fine.

Post # 4
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Neither of those occasions would make me change my wedding date! 

I was in a wedding a few years ago where three of us had birthdays within a week of the wedding. At their rehearsal dinner, the bride and groom sang Happy Birthday to all of us and recognized that we missed celebrating our birthdays. Completely unnecessary, but it was very sweet of them. 

Post # 5
761 posts
Busy bee

To be honest I don’t even know the birthdates of many of our potential guests, so it is not something I could anticipate even if I tried. I would think with any larger wedding there’s a good chance it is someone’s birthday, or else close to it.

I wouldn’t think twice about going to a wedding on my birthday, though my birthday hasn’t been significant to me since I was a child. 

Post # 6
9216 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You’re fine. We had one distant cousin who was a little weird about the fact that our wedding was on his birthday (we had no idea when we picked the date) and I just said “well if you decide to come we’ll have cake!” lol. 

Post # 7
13651 posts
Honey Beekeeper

There’s no problem at all, or shouldn’t be if your friend and cousin are mature adults. Birthdays are nice, but life doesn’t stop for them. People don’t get off of work, school etc. when their birthday falls during the week. Adults and children too, for that matter, commonly celebrate with family or friends on a different day of the week. Same here. 

Post # 8
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Friends of mine got married the day I would have had my 40th birthday party if I didn’t go to their wedding. I just had it the next weekend. It really doesn’t matter. Birthdays happen every year, weddings are once. 

Post # 9
717 posts
Busy bee

@merlette:  Birthdays do not trump weddings. If you tried to account for every birthday you could interfere with you would never find a date that worked. I am a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding and she asked me if I cared if she got married on my birthday.  I appreciated that she gave me a heads up but what was I going to say? “No how dare you?” She found a place they love, available on this date, that works with all of their vendors.  Of course it’s fine.

I would be a friendzilla if I requested her to move her date. I told her it’s the most fun I’ll have on my birthday in years! hahaha

Also, same thing for Father’s day. It can be skipped one year or celebrated at a later date.


Post # 11
2033 posts
Buzzing bee

If it’s a special birthday (e.g. 18th, 30th, 40th) and these are key people in your wedding group, then I’d suggest checking with them that they don’t already have something booked on that date to celebrate.  But otherwise, just go ahead.

I did check with one of my closest friends, but that was because I know she often books a holiday on/around her birthday and I wanted to check that she would be able to come – she said she’d LOVE to attend my wedding on her birthday as it would make her birthday even more special!

Post # 12
1352 posts
Bumble bee

Any day of the year can end up being someone’s birthday, so there’s no getting around that.  If this is a very close friend or a family member, you might want to steer clear of their birthday only because your wedding date becomes your anniversary and you will otherwise have a conflict, EVERY YEAR going forward, between celebrating their birthday and your anniversary (particularly milestone ones for both).  The same goes for a holiday that occurs on the same date every year (not necessarily one where the date changes year to year, such as Father’s Day).  But otherwise, any day you pick might have significance to one of your guests, just like any day you pick might end up being a day a particular guest can’t attend.  You have to pick a date that you like and go with it, because in all likelihood you aren’t going to be able to please everyone.

Post # 13
20 posts

we booked our wedding the day before my birthday next june! it was that or fathers day for us too haha

Post # 14
68 posts
Worker bee

 Agree with PPs: Birthdays and Father Days happen every year and life doesn’t stop if someone’s Birthday falls on a week day. Your date isn’t going to be perfect for everyone, so go with the one that is perfect for you. You can acknowledge your friends’ Birthdays at your wedding, too!

Post # 15
4964 posts
Honey bee

I would prioritize a wedding over my birthday. I could always celebrate my birthday the following weekend. No big deal.

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