Etiquette help: Invited to the engagement party but not wedding

posted 4 weeks ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
589 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I say your idea is appropriate and generous. 🙂

Post # 3
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

condoress :  I wouldn’t contribute to the party under the circumstances. That should only be a thing if a group of you were getting together to throw the party, not when she’s decided to host one herself. If you do want to bring something, a small hostess gift seems like a nice gesture. 

Post # 4
Member
3224 posts
Sugar bee

condoress :  I think it’s really rude and you should pretend to not get the hint. I think it’s rude to ask for money and to but be invited to the wedding. If you bring a hostess gift that’s very very gracious of you. 

Post # 5
Member
2549 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I would show up with maybe a bottle of wine IF I decided to go at all. The host of the party should not be asking guests to help foot the bill. She should be hosting an event she can afford.

Post # 6
Member
6831 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

condoress :  Is it an extremely short engagement? How do you know you’re not invited to the wedding? I would definitely not volunteer to help host an engagement party for someone that I wasn’t close enough to be invited to the wedding. I probably wouldn’t even attend the party. Engagement parties are supposed to be for the two families to meet, or two friend groups if the bride & groom run in different circles. If I’m not close enough to come to your wedding, I don’t need to meet your future spouse’s friends or family. 

Post # 7
Member
1174 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

 You’re not invited to the wedding, engagement parties are not supposed to be gift giving events and the hostess is rude a.f. Thus I wouldn’t go.  Period, problem solved. 

Post # 10
Member
1875 posts
Buzzing bee

I would steer clear of this fiasco.

Post # 12
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

condoress :  If you’re asked again to contribute financially, I might say exactly what you just said– I don’t see why I should be expected to help pay for this party when I didn’t warrant an invitation to the wedding. It will probably quickly shut up your friend.

Post # 13
Member
1174 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

condoress :  As I said,  I wouldn’t go.  However a bottle of wine, and an (empty) congrats card if you feel you must go, will suffice.  Remember  engagement parties are NOT gift giving events….

Post # 14
Member
4814 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

sparkosity :  +1.   

And I’d decline the invitation on grounds that wedding events are for those invited to the wedding.    

Post # 15
Member
666 posts
Busy bee

This happened to me once and we took a bottle of champagne/wine. Mainly because they are in our extended circle and I know they will be in our lives. We chatted to everyone, ate some food, then left after a few hours. xo

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