(Closed) Etiquette: How to handle friends who are not invited.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“I just wanted to give you a heads up that we will not be able to invite all our friends to the wedding. The venue is very small, so we are limited to mostly family members. You will be in our thoughts that day as I hope we will be in yours.”

Post # 4
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

maybe right after the wedding, post a blurb on your wall where you thank people for coming— and then say that you wished you could have invited everyone but you had to keep it very small. hopefully your friend will see it before she sees the photos. 

honestly, people understand. the next time they ask you for details, include the fact that it is very small. hopefully they will pick up on that hint. 

I had some “fair weather” friends who didn’t invite me to their wedding– and we were all in the same town. I completely understand their reasoning for it. they didn’t even tell me personally, it was a mutual friend who mentioned its smallness when I brought up. he said it was family and super-close friends only. I didn’t hear it from the bride, and my feelings were not hurt at all. 

Post # 5
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

I wouldn’t bring it up with them at all. I know it’s kind of old fashioned, but my mom taught me (go ahead and roll your eyes now, lol) that it’s very rude to ask someone if you’re invited to their event. If they ask, be direct, but until then, your evasive answers and refusal to “talk wedding” with them should be enough of a hint. 

If that doesn’t work, blank stares are *very* effective. 🙂 

Post # 6
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I completely agree with oyster.

My mother told me to never expect anything until you have it in your hand.

It’s rude on their part to expect an invite.

It’s not rude on your part to not invite them.

Post # 7
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think you’re overthinking it a little.  I agree with PPs that not everyone expects to be invited, and if you make references to it being small, people should pick up on the hint.  I only had one awkward conversation about a friend not being invited, and everyone else understood I think.  The trick is drawing clear lines, so if you had six close friends from college all in the same group, you invite all or none. 

Post # 8
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

ya I know that feeling!! Our wedding plans are also low budget and consist of family and close friends, but I’ve actually had people send me texts and messages on certain social networking sites asking me “where their invite was” or “why haven’t they got theirs yet? the wedding is 3 weeks away” Some of which from people I have never met in person and they were serious!! Talk about balls. It certainly puts you on the spot!!

Post # 9
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have been feeding my parents lines to say to my not invited relatives.

*ahem* “Oh, thank you for asking about the wedding! Yes, we’re excited, too. It is going to be an exteremly intimate ceremony a little bit out of town some time next august. Yes, yes, I’m sure it will be nice. We are having a get-together or two when we get back into town to celebrate with everyone! I can’t wait to see you at that, so we’ll be sure to let you know the details of the after party.”

Most people pick up the hint. Some of the most awkward conversations I have had have been with people who think they’re invited. It makes you feel so bad inside sometimes, doesn’t it. 😛 I am having a very informal gathering with my family and another with my friends after to make up for not wanting a large wedding. I think you are handling it all as absolutely best you can! It takes a lot of courage to suck in your excited wedding talk when non-invited people politely ask about it. I try to give no details and generally they stop asking. Mixed results. Good luck! Smile

Post # 10
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think you need to put up a status on Facebook or message these people; like PPs said, until an invite is in your hand, you realistically shouldn’t expect one unless you’re immediate family…

I think once you post pictures, people will see how small the wedding is and understand why you couldn’t invite them. I think if you put up a big thing about it, it makes it look like you’re apologizing for something that you shouldn’t need to be sorry for!

Stick with your intimate wedding and be comfortable with it. If anyone confronts you directly, just blow it off, tell them it’s a very small wedding, and don’t get stressed. 

Post # 11
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You shouldn’t have to appologize or explain to people why they are not invited to YOUR wedding. Don’t bother with saying anything unless someone directly asks you. Don’t make up lies just give them the truth. If the truth is we are keeping it small, say that.

For me it is easy, I have a LARGE family and it is important they are there, so I only invited a couple close friends. When anyone says anything about other friends being invited I just fall back on the I have a large family and we had to keep our guest list to a certain # for the venue.

Don’t stress yourself out over who you are not inviting!

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