(Closed) Etiquette: how to tell my family I cannot house them

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

This is where I would do a little pretending… Don’t even acknowledge that she’s implying you should house them all for free. Just act as if you’ve made the (perfectly reasonable) assumption that she would never try to put you under such an imposition when it’s (a) not your house and (b) one of the busiest and most stressful times of your life.

Get a bunch of info together for her and the rest of your family on low-cost hotel options in the area (maybe they could rent a condo or stay at a bed and breakfast?)and send it to them ASAP! And if they say anything like "you should be housing us for free," you can come back with something wounded and innocent like, "I’m so sorry, but it never even occured to me that you would expect me to put you up, since I won’t even have my own place at the time of the wedding!"

Sometimes, (pretend) ignorance is bliss. 😀

Good luck!

Post # 4
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Good for you shnoogles!  You crack me up.  I would do the same – just assume that she means that you should help them figure out a good place to stay in the area.  Of course you can’t (and shouldn’t) offer up your Future In-Laws for so many house guests – particularly since they probably have relatives of their own to worry about.  I think a condo rental is a great idea; many towns now have short-term condo rental (by the weekend or week) for vacation or business travellers.  Something like that is usually less expensive (and more like home) for a group than multiple hotel rooms.  And that way you can go visit them, which will get you away from the Future In-Laws for a few hours at a time too!!

Darling Husband and I had family (his, mostly) who also expected to be put up for the wedding weekend, much to my surprise.  Since we already had four people (him, me, and his two teenaged kids) in a two bathroom house, I simply told him that if he thought his mom and brother and sister and her boyfriend should also stay with us, I would be getting a hotel room for myself.

And you know what, I kind of wish that I had.  You might think seriously about that either way.  Even though we didn’t have extra houseguests, we did have all kinds of people stopping by all week and weekend, and I finally had to go hide at a girlfriend’s house to relax a little and organize my last minute stuff.  My sister had a nice suite at the hotel where they had their reception for the whole weekend of the wedding, and she loved being able to get away from everything (and everyone).

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