(Closed) Etiquette is important when talking about infertility too (not just weddings)

posted 7 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Thank you.  I forwarded that page onto someone close to me that is experiencing infertility.

Post # 5
Member
3254 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Thanks for sharing. I don’t know if we will be able to have kids as we have are not at the point where we are actively trying, but a friend of mine is unable to have children. She called me one day sobbing because someone at church had told her maybe she wasn’t meant to have children and should just be happy God blessed her with a great husband. So NOT comforting…

Post # 6
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Thank you. I’m so glad to hear that there ARE people in the world who ‘get it’. If one more person tells me to ‘relax’, or joke that I’m too valuable at my job to ever get pregnant, I might lose it. Most of these points are extremely valid.

The one thing I don’t have an issue with, (though I completely understand how its a valid concern) is other women complaining about their pregnancies. I don’t mind hearing how an expecting-mama is doing, if I’m close to them. Lets me dream a little about what it will be like.

Post # 7
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I posted something similar on my fb and my friends weren’t really aware of the things they shouldn’t say. 

Post # 9
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Thank you from someone who’s still struggling with my grief over 6 mths later and now dealing with judgements about our choice to adopt. I’m sorry you’ve had to endure this.

Post # 10
Member
3204 posts
Sugar bee

Thank you for sharing this. I’m not in this situation, but I think it is important to get this kind of information out there so people can be more empathetic and helpful in hard times. 

Post # 11
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh my goodness. Some of these things are so hurtful and mean! It’s hard to believe people can be so insensitive.

This is a good post. Sometimes I think we should learn etiquette in school just so fewer of us can have our feelings hurt.

Post # 12
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Relax my ASS! We don’t need a vacation. We need a baby.

Post # 13
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Thanks for sharing this.

And I commend you for referring to your personal challenges as “our diagnosis”.  That is the best possible attitude that you can have going into this effort with your hubby.  It’s amazing how quickly things can get divisive between a couple when it turns into “your problem” or “I can’t give you a baby”.

Last – I read a similar article on the Attain website that stated that a person going through infertility has the psychological level of grief with every failed cycle that aligns with when a sibling or other close family member dies.  That’s intense, but something that helps the loss ‘click’ for others.

Post # 15
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

This is such a comprehensive list and explanation!  Thanks for sharing.

@redsmarties: I’m not ok with pregnancy complaints.  Maybe I’m scarred because as I told a coworker that I had just started bleeding because of a chemical pg (because she was the only one around and I needed to tell someone) she responded by listing her current pregnancy complaints.  I wanted to hit her. 

But I am ok with hearing it if I have asked how they are feeling.  My sister is pregnant and I ask her all the time and I sincerely want to know. 

@MissGreen: That is so frustrating and unfair for people not to be 100% supportive of your decision to adpot.  It’s a hard and very brave decision!

Post # 16
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Thanks so much for sharing this list. I wish I could share it with so many people in my life right now…

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