Post # 1
Hi Bees! Yet more advice needed. I am struggling with my guest list – wedding planning has come to a standstill because of it. I can only afford to have a limited amount for my dinner reception, and i’m struggling to keep the list down. The biggest trouble I am having is with colleagues – I have a few close people I want to invite, but others would feel insulted for not being included.
So – I have an idea that could resolve this. I could have a mid-morning ceremony in a garden, followed by a picnic lunch for everyone. Afterwards, closest friends and family could join us for dinner reception.
The flaw I can pick with this is that I would feel wrong accepting significant gifts from the picnic only invitees. I am not sure how to address this. I also dont want it to be seen as a gift grab – I would be happy not to receive gifts from them!
What do you think?
Post # 3
@DeeWee: I think it’s a great idea:)
Post # 4
@Holly77: Thanks Holly! I’ve heard of people doing similar things with morning teas and such.
Post # 5
Oh I just though – Do you think the reception guests will be too tired by the end of the day?
Post # 6
Honestly, if I was invited to both, I’m not sure I’d be thrilled. I’m super excited for friends weddings and what not, but that’s a really long day and I get very few days off. I wouldn’t want to end up more exhausted after my weekend than I was after the week.
Why not just do the picnic lunch and call it a day? or cut the guest list and only do the dinner.
Post # 7
@DeeWee: Sorry, I don’t like it. It creates two tiers, first and second class guests.
I have seen something similar done, but the second function (which I wasn’t invited to) was extremely small, like family only (and I think bridal party).
I think you are overestimating the negative reaction from work colleagues. People understand that you can’t invite everyone from work.
Post # 9
@paula1248: +1. Especially the part about over estimating people’s desire to attend a wedding. Especially a wedding for someone you aren’t close to.
Why would I want to give up my precious weekend day to attend an event for a work associate? Where I am going to have to get dressed up, spend money on a gift, take time away from what I actually want to do etc.
Post # 10
Don’t do it. Tiered weddings are rude.
Post # 11
@DeeWee: Hmmm. Not sure about this. If it gets out that there is another, better reception later for specific guests – that’s as insulting if not moreso than just not inviting them.
If there is a significant gap between the picnice and dinner and dinner is fairly small and intimate, than I think you’re fine. But if dinner is really a full blown reception that excludes a handfull of picnice guests – I wouldn’t do it.
Post # 12
@oneofthesethings: This. Your reception is where you “receive” and thank your guests for attending your ceremony and supporting your marriage, and you must treat all your guests equally.
If you can’t afford to invitr everyone to an evening reception, then maybe you could pare down your guest list to what you can afford to host, or scrap the evening reception all together and host an afternoon reception following your ceremony.
The latter is probably the better choice because it will allow you to avoid having an inconvienient gap, which guests don’t like either!
Post # 13
Just do an informal get together later. That way you don’t have to pay for it and it’s more of a fun after party.
Post # 14
If I was a picnic only guest, I wouldn’t even want to go. You could do a really nice picnic for everyone and call it a day, or just not invite people you aren’t super close to and wouldn’t be able to include in the dinner.
Post # 15
Tiered receptions are rude. Don’t do it. Host everyone for what you can afford. Period.