Post # 1
What is the etiquette of attending the wedding of a couple that is not invited to yours? FI’s step-cousin (step-dad’s nephew) is getting married and invited us to his wedding…the only snag is, this couple is not invited to our wedding. FI’s step-dad has nine siblings, each of whom have at least three kids…meaning there are too many cousins and inviting some but not all wasn’t an option. We decided just to invite FI’s step-dad’s siblings and their spouses and no cousins, for it to be fair, because we truly could not afford the 55 extra people it would be to invite cousins, spouses and SOs of cousins, and plus ones of cousins.
However, this week we received an invitation to FI’s step-cousin’s wedding. Future Mother-In-Law said that she would like us to attend and that it is almost a non negotiable that we go as her entire family (four total kids) rarely gets together and it will be the only time we will all be together with FI’s step-dad’s family. My only concern is that we have not sent out our wedding invitations yet, so this cousin and his Fiance may not know they are not invited yet. I don’t know if it’s a massive faux pas to attend their wedding, but not invite them to ours. Our guest list is also at it’s max–we had to cut both of our co-workers just to stick to our budget, not to mention we are teetering very close to our venue’s occupancy limit.
On the one hand, I feel like we were invited so that means they want us to attend, but on the other hand, I truly don’t want to come off as rude or tactless. A little guidance?
Post # 2
Weddings are not tit for tat. Go and enjoy yourself! If anybody asks if they are invited to yours (rude btw), say you’re having a much smaller wedding than this and are still working on the guest list. They’ll get the hint.
Post # 3
I don’t think you should absolutely go unless you wanted to! And I agree with PP 🙂
Post # 4
It’s not faux pas to attend the wedding of a couple you didn’t invite to your own wedding. If the couple has invited you and you are able to attend, you should.
Post # 5
I was in this exact situation with a former co-worker, old friend. I didn’t intend to invite him to mine due to the small size of our wedding, but he invited me to his and was very insistent we come. My thought was ok, now you have to come to mine LOL
Post # 6
some families feel like they have to invite everybody they know, and they are honestly ok with that arrangement. they should also be understanding that not every other family is going to be just like theirs. go ahead and go! if anything, to make your Future Mother-In-Law happy.
to assauge your guilt of not inviting them, be sure to give them a good present.
Post # 7
I wouldnt not go to a wedding for this reason… people understand. Besides, if you dont go your probably going to have to give a reason and “were not going becuase they arent invited to ours” sounds kinda dumb. Go and have fun without guilt!
Post # 8
Go ahead and enjoy yourself!
Post # 9
Some people are in the position that they are able to invite all of their family. We were invited to FI’s cousins wedding (on his dad’s side). They had about 130 people. We went, and we had fun.
We did not invite them to our wedding which was a little less than a year later. We financially could not afford to invite everyone. Future Mother-In-Law has 6 siblings, and they all have children, and some have grandchildren. We had to draw a line in his family so we could have the wedding that we wanted and could afford. With all of his family, we were at 175. The actual wedding ended up being less than 55 people.
Afterwards, on facebook when I posted pictures, I told everyone we were thankful to those who could come and we were glad we could have the small wedding of our dreams.
So go if you want to! Weddings are not tit for tat.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone! We RSVP’d yes!
Post # 11
- Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI
My ILs thought we should invite everyone who had ever invited them to a wedding to our intimate family only wedding. It was a long talk but finally everyone was on the same page. Invite who you want at your wedding and attend the weddings you want!