(Closed) Etiquette of declining rehearsal dinner invitation?

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn

She sounds like a peach! /sarcasm

But really, you sound incredibly kind and are clearly a conscientious person. I don’t think any way you decide to decline could be on par with than the way she’s treating people. It quite honestly sounds to me like this girl could use a little lesson in reaping the consequences of her actions. I would attend the rehearsal and then just…not go to the dinner. And if she asks, tell her plainly and directly why. 

Post # 32
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

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sunflower22:  Well that is a highly disoraganized way to figure out how many people are comign to your RD! I wouldn’t even worry about it. An invitation is not a summons! She is in for a rude awakening if she expects everyone to show up (without their SOs) 

Post # 33
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

“I don’t feel comfortable staying for dinner without my husband, especially since the restaurant belongs to his family and it was incredibly rude and a major breach of etiquette to not invite him.”

 

I’d just lay it out. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? She tells you not to bother singing or paying the pianist? Sounds like that wouldn’t exactly be a tragedy. 

Post # 34
Member
6911 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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sunflower22:  Well she already committed to having you as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Then she demoted you. F that bride. She doesn’t deserve to have your singing at her wedding.  

Post # 35
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

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sunflower22:  What a witch! 

Screw her. Seriously. Definitely don’t go to the rehearsal dinner, and tell her straight up that it’s because you’re uncomfortable attending without your husband. An invitations is not a summons. Good riddence to her, and good for you for being the bigger person for so long. Ugh, I’m mad on your behalf!

Post # 36
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Please stand this betch up

Post # 37
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You don’t seem to care about her so you should probably excuse yourself from the rehearsal dinner but NOT the wedding.  She does have the right not to invite whoever to the rehearsal dinner and you not judge that she’s doing it bc of another person’s kid – so what, she has the right to feel that way, it is VERY hard to plan a wedding and you are judging?  While it is very nice of you to pay for a pianist, what was your point in saying that she didn’t seem angry – to actually give her credit?  Because otherwise, you even say you are fed up with her, when honestly I don’t see what she has done for you to be fed up.  And btw, you made a commitment to her for the singing so you should do it bc it is the right thing, whether or not you agree with her not inviting other people to the rehearsal dinner (not your decision, not your right to judge).  Decline nicely the invitation to the rehearsal dinner, save her the money then since you won’t appreciate it.  But do NOT back out of your commitment. 

Post # 38
Member
945 posts
Busy bee

You sound like a very good friend, and she doesnt deserve you. I would not attend the dinner and simply say sorry I cant make it. If she pushes I would say you have plans with your husband that night. As much as I wouldnt want to I would just sing at her wedding so that it doesnt become about you pulling out last minute, and then see what you want to do. Maybe she will wake up to herself or maybe not, either way do what you think is right for you!

By The Way is your husband invited to the wedding? If so how does he feel about going?

Post # 39
Member
945 posts
Busy bee

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jess9090:  I think it is extremely rude to uninvite people to an event like she has done with OP’s husband. I think it would have been fine if she did not invite the husbands at all but to the univite? I would be offended by that! Plus she asked OP to be a bridesmaid and then took it back. I think OP would be well within her rights to go back on her word about singing because her friend obviously is happy to go back on the things she has said. I think the fact the OP is still planning on singing just shows that she does in fact care and it is her freind who does not care about her. Just me opinion 🙂

Post # 40
Member
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Just say No. I really don’t see why you would even go at this point.

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