(Closed) Etiquette on "give me money instead of a gift"

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
sylwia212:  Just don’t register.  There’s no rule that says it’s part of wedding planning to beg for gifts.  If people want to give you something, they’ll sort it out, and often default to cash.

Post # 3
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

To be honest, I think no matter how innocent the couples’ intentions are, it ALWAYS comes off as a bit rude to ask for money. We didn’t ask for money, and had a huge, price-varied registry (as we want to buy a house in the near future) and we only got about 3 gifts. Everyone else gave us cash. 

I think it’s very common to give cash nowadays, and I actually think that if you DON’T ask for money, you’re more likely to get it, haha. 

Post # 4
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee

There’s no way to politley ask for money. Just don’t register- people will get the hint! (Or they’ll just give you stuff you can’t return… ha!) Maybe do a SMALL registry (new towels? sheets?) so for those who *need* to give you something (some people prefer it!) they can, and others will see a fulfilled registry so will default to cash.

Post # 5
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

Just don’t register. If people see a list of items on a registry, they will think you want them, and will buy them for you. If anyone asks about the lack of registry, tell them you don’t need or have room for boxed gifts. Almost everyone in this day and age understands how to give a monetary gift, you don’t need to spell it out for them.

Post # 6
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

First off, no registry information should be printed on invitations. Second, if you don’t want to register simply don’t. People will default to cash in most cases.

Third, definitely don’t register if you don’t need anything “just because”. It’s a waste of your guests time and money.

Post # 7
Member
10541 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Just don’t register. 99% of people will get the hint. If someone asks just say “We don’t really need anything but we are saving up for X!”

Post # 8
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Agreed with pp, just don’t register.  I didn’t,  and 99% of our gifts was cash. 

Post # 9
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
hikingbride:  Lol we said the same thing at the same time

Post # 10
Member
7780 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Just don’t register. If people choose to give you a gift they will either give a gift of money or something they have selected for you.

 

Post # 11
Member
47458 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
sylwia212: There is no polite way to indicate you would prefer cash. There is no polite way to mention gifts of any sort. It is presumptuous to assume that your guests are going to give you a gift of any sort.

Gifts should never be mentioned on a wedding invitation, nor should the registry. The registry can be on the shower invitation because the whole purpose of a shower is to gift the bride.

Limit your registry to smaller things for your shower, if you are having one. One would think that those guests invited to your wedding would be close enough to know your situation.

Post # 12
Member
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

There is no way to ask without being rude. Your best bet would be not to register and if anyone asks you can say that you aren’t registered, but are saving up for X (honeymoon, new house, kids, etc). You might still get a few physical gifts, but be gracious and still accept them. You can do whatever you like after the fact.

Post # 13
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

Just don’t register…but have a few items in the back of your head just in case. I’m a student, so I don’t have a ton of money…I’d feel bummed out if someone said “oh we just want cash” because I can’t really afford to give a lot.

Post # 14
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

There is no nice way to ask for money. Sorry.

My advice is that you forgo the registry. Most people, upon finding out there isn’t a registry, will not assume that you don’t want gifts; they’ll give you cash. A *few* may take it upon themselves to buy you some shit you don’t want or need, but they are probably the same people who would do that even if you DID have a registry.

Alternatively, you can research return policies and credit policies, do a tiny “courtesy registery” for those few people that are horrified at the thought of giving cold hard cash, and then return everything on store credit to a big-box where you may frequent in the future (Macy’s, Sears, Target). Mind you, I’m not suggesting these actual stores becuase I don’t know what their policies actually are, but that’s another way to do it. It is, however, sneaky and some people frown upon it in the whole, “Don’t ask people to buy you things if you’re just going to return them!” vein. But there it is.

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