Etiquette out the window?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

I would not invite them and I would not expect to be invited in this instance. I don’t know if that’s correct etiquette, but I really don’t think I would.

Post # 3
Member
5170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t think you have to invite someone to your wedding just because they attended your engagement party 3 years ago.  Think about it like this, if she had never attended the party would you even consider inviting her to the wedding?  It doesn’t sound like you are close enough at all anymore, three years is a really long time and I don’t think one standard etiquette applies. 

Post # 4
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
johanna2868 :  since you invited her to the engagement party, I suppose she was included in the budget. i would invite her and let her have the opportunity to come or decline.

There are plenty of people I haven’t spoken to for months, it doesn’t mean they aren’t important. Perhaps if she’s invited officially you will start talking more again. Life is weird.

Post # 5
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I wouldn’t invite her Xx

Post # 6
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

I’m in the exact same boat, and I’m not inviting the person, if that helps. 

Post # 7
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

Your engagement party was 3 years ago… you don’t need to invite her

Post # 8
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee

Typically, I would say that you really should invite them since they were invited to the engagement party…..

But in this case, the engagement party was SO long ago that I’d probably not invite them.  Of course, you risk pissing them off and ending the friendship, but doesn’t seem like there is much of a friendship at this time anyways.  

Post # 9
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

If you aren’t really friends and are just acquaintances at this point, she’s not likley to be thinking about or care if she’s invited to your wedding or not.  You are fine just inivting your nearest and dearest.

Post # 10
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Honestly, your engagement party was sooo long ago, I doubt she’d even notice. Just don’t make a big show about wedding stuff at the office and you’ll be fine. 

Post # 12
Member
28 posts
Newbee

View original reply
johanna2868 :  I was about to chime in on not bothering to invite her since it’s been so long since the engagement party, until I read your last comment about inviting several other coworkers.

I had (incorrectly) inferred that she was the only coworker you were considering inviting because you had been such close friends in the past.  But if you are inviting others from your office, I think her exclusion becomes more obvious.  General etiquette says that if you invite some coworkers from your office or department, you should invite all of them.

I’d invite her, though would not be surprised if she declined.

Post # 14
Member
13545 posts
Honey Beekeeper

That’s the problem with inviting casual friends to an engagement party when you know the wedding won’t be anytime soon. Note to others, don’t do that. 

I don’t think friends have to speak to one another constantly and a few months ago is not such a long time when people have busy lives. That said, I understand what you’re saying. 

If you have any contact, I’d just invite her. Chances are she will make an excuse. Or maybe she’ll attend and it will be an opportunity to rekindle the friendship. 

Post # 15
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee

No, I wouldn’t invite them. I worked with a group of people about 5 years ago who I was very close to, and told would be invited to my wedding if I ever got engaged. Here I am 5 years later, and even though they know of my engagement, it would be strange to invite them now. One of the gals got engaged before I left the job, and told me she would be sending me an invite. I even sat with her while internet searching venues, dresses, etc. She was married a year after I left, and I wasn’t invited to her wedding. I didn’t feel left out in the least because I hadn’t talked to her in about a year. People drift apart. I doubt your coworker expects an invite.

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