Etiquette Question

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1050 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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greenkate09 :  where overseas? At some places there are no save the date. I think sending them a thank you will be sufficient, sending them an invitation may be confusing to them. Like, ” we already told them we can’t go?” If you send them an invitation anyway, I would explain to them that in your culture that’s what’s expected, not that you didn’t know they weren’t coming.

Post # 4
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

Ah no, I wouldn’t send an invite. They already said that they tried to make it work but couldn’t, so sending them an invite after that would be rubbing in the face a little. Do send an thank you card and some well meaning words to convey how sad you are that they’ll miss it but will meet another time etc. More empathy, less etiquette I think, they were very sweet to send a gift 🙂 

Post # 5
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

You’re absolutely right to thank them promptly for the gift.

Do send an invitation.  Everyone likes to feel included.  You also never know if their plans might change and they’ll come after all.  If you feel funny about it, you can slip in a handwritten note acknowledging their decline.

Post # 6
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

No I wouldn’t send an invite. I would go ahead and send them a thank you for the gift and acknowledge how thoughtful it was of them and that you’ll miss seeing them at the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
6948 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I sent invitations anyway, with a note that they’d be missed. And of course in this case a thank you card in addition. I like keeping invitations myself (I’m not invited to the skews of weddings the rest of the world is) so that gives the opportunity or they can trash it. We’d already ordered them anyway. 

Post # 9
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think sending a note with the invitation sounds good. Some people (me included!) like to keep invitations as keepsakes. Maybe a mention in your note about how you know they’ll be there in spirit?

I was in a similar situation- had an overseas friend who couldn’t make it. We actually ended up starting our honeymoon where she lived so we brought her an invite with us. Otherwise I think we might have mailed one with a note. 

But definitely make it clear they’re not expected to send back an RSVP card- especially since the stamp you’d have included definitely wouldn’t get it back to where you’d need it to go! Actually, I’d probably leave the response card out of their invite entirely. 

Post # 10
Member
47377 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would send a thank you note immediately, followed by an invitation with a personal note enclosed,that just says “We know that you already said you won’t be able to attend,but we still wanted you to feel included.

No response necessary.”

Post # 11
Member
4167 posts
Honey bee

I would not wait until you send the invite to send a thank you note.

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