Post # 1
Just want to make sure I’m doing the right thing here. Our wedding is September 28th and invitations are going out at the end of July. We sent out Save The Date cards a couple of months ago. Today I had an overseas guest write me a message that they tried to make it work to come to our wedding, but unfortunately cannot make it. They also sent us a gift of money, which was very kind. I totally understand that they can’t make it and honestly did not expect them to come.
My thought was since they sent us the money already, was just to send them a thank you card right away for their wedding gift. My question is: since I already know they aren’t coming, should I take their names off the list to send a formal invitation to? It seems weird to thank them and acknowledge that they can’t come, and then send them a formal invitation with a response card in it in a few months. But at the same time, I know that everyone that gets a Save The Date should also get an invitation.
I know you all will tell me the right thing to do!
Post # 2
where overseas? At some places there are no save the date. I think sending them a thank you will be sufficient, sending them an invitation may be confusing to them. Like, ” we already told them we can’t go?” If you send them an invitation anyway, I would explain to them that in your culture that’s what’s expected, not that you didn’t know they weren’t coming.
Post # 3
oh good point I should have said! They are US citizens who moved abroad to London for jobs so they know what Save The Dates are. It does seem confusing to send them an invitation when I already acknowledged they can’t come cherryberrypie :
Post # 4
Ah no, I wouldn’t send an invite. They already said that they tried to make it work but couldn’t, so sending them an invite after that would be rubbing in the face a little. Do send an thank you card and some well meaning words to convey how sad you are that they’ll miss it but will meet another time etc. More empathy, less etiquette I think, they were very sweet to send a gift 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2025 - City, State
You’re absolutely right to thank them promptly for the gift.
Do send an invitation. Everyone likes to feel included. You also never know if their plans might change and they’ll come after all. If you feel funny about it, you can slip in a handwritten note acknowledging their decline.
Post # 6
No I wouldn’t send an invite. I would go ahead and send them a thank you for the gift and acknowledge how thoughtful it was of them and that you’ll miss seeing them at the wedding.
Post # 7
I sent invitations anyway, with a note that they’d be missed. And of course in this case a thank you card in addition. I like keeping invitations myself (I’m not invited to the skews of weddings the rest of the world is) so that gives the opportunity or they can trash it. We’d already ordered them anyway.
Post # 8
skunktastic : MollyCatherine :
I didn’t consider doing this, just slipping a note into their invitation. That might be a good way to go about it.
I also see your point, I wouldn’t want them to feel bad when they got the invite in the mail.
Post # 9
I think sending a note with the invitation sounds good. Some people (me included!) like to keep invitations as keepsakes. Maybe a mention in your note about how you know they’ll be there in spirit?
I was in a similar situation- had an overseas friend who couldn’t make it. We actually ended up starting our honeymoon where she lived so we brought her an invite with us. Otherwise I think we might have mailed one with a note.
But definitely make it clear they’re not expected to send back an RSVP card- especially since the stamp you’d have included definitely wouldn’t get it back to where you’d need it to go! Actually, I’d probably leave the response card out of their invite entirely.
Post # 10
I would send a thank you note immediately, followed by an invitation with a personal note enclosed,that just says “We know that you already said you won’t be able to attend,but we still wanted you to feel included.
No response necessary.”
Post # 11
I would not wait until you send the invite to send a thank you note.