- 10 years ago
Hi Everyone, I’ve got an etiquette question and I hope someone can give some advice: My boyfriend’s sister is getting married in two weeks. Several months ago she asked me if I wanted to be a bridesmaid. We’re certainly friendly to each other but I wouldn’t say we’re close. I think she asked me to be a bridesmaid to be polite (as in, she thought I might be hurt if I didn’t ask). I told her no, not to worry about it, but I would do it if she needed someone to fill-in (i.e. to balance out the number of attendants on both sides).
Later, she asked me to be an "usherette" along with her (and my boyfriend’s) other brother. I said sure. I think that her and her fiance are trying to be nice and include me in some way. She showed me a dress online that she thought would be good for me to wear, since it was close in color to what the bridesmaids were wearing. I said I would keep an eye out for something (what I didn’t mention, was that I would be checking the thrift stores, which was true.)
Not long after that, I saw her and her fiance and told them I was having trouble finding a dress in the right color and I was thinking of wearing black (I thought that might be good since I am an "usher"). I also suggested that I could wear the one nice dress I have, which is turquoise, but I was concerned that it would clash with the attendants. They said not to worry about it, just be comfortable. I also showed them a picture of this same dress.
I admit, I’ve recently had my doubts about the turquoise dress since a) the color and b) the fabric, which is linen. It was perfect for the last wedding I wore it to, a beach wedding. However, this wedding is pretty dressy (sit down dinner, country club, etc.) The ceremony is at 4pm.
Last night, my boyfriend told me his sister wanted to know what was "going on" with my dress. I said, "She knows what’s going on with my dress" (as in I had showed her the picture of it). Then I confessed to him that I was on the fence about wearing it. He told me that she thought it was inappropriate. Now, it’s entirely possible that she changed her mind about the dress, or still had the impression that I would be looking for something different, but I suspect this has something to do with the MOG, who has planned most of the wedding and is pretty particular about the way things look.
Well, I can’t afford another nice dress (with shoes to go). I could launch a frantic hunt for something at the thrift stores, but there’s the chance I won’t find something before the wedding. I’m thinking thrift stores, because I think I would be expected to wear something that was (originally) pretty pricey. I’m thinking of just bowing out of being an usher with the explanation that I can’t afford another dress. I know this will be awkward for both of us and puts pressure on her to find another usher two weeks before the wedding. What should I do?
Also, I will be seeing her in person tomorrow, so I can talk to her about it then.