(Closed) Etiquette Question

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
48 posts
Newbee

You should send separate ones for shower and wedding gift. You can mail them together though.

Post # 5
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

there is no reason to send two.  It is clunky and doesnt comply with any rules of etiquette.  You should better write one letter, one personal letter thanking one person for 2 gifts or whatever.  Doing it the other way seems like an insurance company that sends you a different page for each procedure.  (Or the IRS for each year).  Honestly you should have already written the shower thank you’s if you really truly wanted to comply with the rules of etiquette but now that you didnt, never mind, just send ONE note!  Congrats!

Post # 6
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

Definitely go with your instincts and send separate thank yous.  Depending on what kind of shower you had, the gifts may have been intended only for you, whereas the wedding gifts were intended for both you and your husband.  Also, I really think it’s just a nice gesture and shows greater appreciation to take the time to send two separate cards or notes.  If you can, you might use separate stationery to mix it up a little. 

Post # 7
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

i don’t think it’s necessary to send two.  i have received one card that acknowledged both the shower and wedding gift from brides and never felt snubbed or offended.  if you are sending two, i think it’s slightly tacky to send them together in one envelope. 

Post # 8
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I dont mean to snap at any previous posters but I thought what miss lawallace asked for was ETIQUETTE not personal opinion.  Etiquette does not dictate that you send two.  You SHOULD have sent 2 at 2 separate times, now that you are already married…it does look clunky as one poster said and it does not comply with etiquette standards in any way.  Consult any etiquette book.  In fact it underscores the fact that you didnt send the first one sooner– mistake!  Better to say Dear Aunt Bee, thank you so much for the pretty tablecloth and chafing dish that you gave us….rather than two notes which could not fail to look amateurish, i.e. the first time in your life you ever wrote thank you notes.  Save yourself the trouble and the ridicule!  You were right to ask for advice, but if you want the correct way to do it, rather than what someone feels is correct, you may have to learn the facts.  Call the Headmistress at Miss Porters, I am class of 92.

 

 

Post # 10
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

For those of you saying that two notes are not proper etiquette, could you please site your sources? 

Post # 11
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Personally, I’d send two notes. I am not sure if I’d send them together. I’d probably send them separately, with the shower ones sent a day or two before the wedding ones. But that’s just me.

Regarding the etiquette, a big part of etiquette is being considerate of others (at least by my source, which is Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette). So you didn’t get the thank you note out "in time" – send a thank you note NOW to show your appreciation. The book even addresses that while you should send the thank-yous out quickly, it’s still better late than never!

What do YOU think your guests would want – two separate cards or the same card mentioning each gift? If you’re certain Aunt Louise (or whoever) wouldn’t mind the two cards in the same envelope, or cousin Sarah wouldn’t mind one thank you note for both, then go for it!

Post # 12
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

P.S. if this IS the first time you’re sending thank-you notes, or you haven’t had opportunities to do so lately, don’t worry about it! The important part (again, per The Emily Post Institute) is showing your appreciation, now, for the gift.

Post # 13
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Wait, someone mentioned two cards in the same envelope… That’s just silly. If you ARE going to send two separate notes, send them in separate envelopes. If you only want to send one envelope, mention your thanks for both gifts on one card.

I have a similar problem, but even more extreme… My bridal shower is two DAYS before my wedding – and it is a lingerie shower   I think I will send separate notes, because the gifts from the married women attending I’m sure will not be from both them and their husbands, considering the theme, whereas the wedding gifts would be.

Post # 14
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I would send one card thanking the guest for both gifts. It seems pointless now to send two separate ones. UNLESS, if you are going to be taking a little while before you send out the wedding thank-yous then you could send a quick shower thank you followed by a wedding thank you a few weeks later.

I think the best thing to do is send any thank you notes out immediately. This is obviously not helpful to you right now, but for others who may be reading this. After our shower was over I wrote all of the thank you cards that night and mailed them the following morning. I had gotten all of the addresses and addressed the envelopes before the shower so I knew all I needed to do was to write the notes. I am sure my shower guests appreciated being thanked so quickly.

Having attended weddings and showers and not been thanked, or been thanked so late afterwards that it seemed almost pointless I would try my best to get all the cards in the mail ASAP. Etiquette may dictate that you have X number of weeks/months to send them out, but if you want to see really appreciative send them out within a few weeks of the wedding (or sooner if possible!).

 

Post # 15
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Wow, everybody is cranky on this subject!

Frankly, if you read enough etiquette books, you can find several differing opinions.  However, the most correct thing to do is to send two separate notes.  It is also most appropriate to thank the gift-givers soon after giving, although I can seen why in the month right before your wedding you maybe didn’t have time. 

Here is what I would do:  I would write your shower thank you notes first.  They can be a little more informal, and you can get some cute girly notes to use (I assume it was your shower, not a couples shower?).  Then I would write the wedding ones.  Your husband should help with these (do half of them, or at least the ones for his family/friends) and so you probably want something a little more formal looking, or at least kind of gender-neutral.  There are a lot of cute wedding thank you cards.  If you do the wedding ones in a separate group, people who sent a present for the shower and one for the wedding will get two notes.  However, they will get them a couple of weeks apart, so it won’t look odd.

Post # 16
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Oooh.wee.  So much snarkiness…

I agree with Suzanno pretty much for everything she already said.  Your shower gifts were pretty much meant for you-although your husband will benefit if you received any lingerie .  You have a bit of a time cushion to get your wedding thank-you’s out. 

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