(Closed) Etiquette question for addressing envelope

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I believe the first one is correct.

Post # 4
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

You can either put the man’s name first (traditional) or you can do it alphabetically (in which case the guy’s name would still go first in this situation).

Post # 5
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I was thinking that Doctor James Smith and Ms. Mary Jones could work. Ms. works for both married and unmarried and since Jones is her maiden name, that could work…Personally I never think putting the woman’s name first makes sense. Which is totally sexist but that’s just my opinion.

Post # 6
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

The woman’s name always goes first-it is a common misconception that it is “traditional” to put the man’s name first. Use  Ms.- Mrs. is only used if she has taken her husband’s name. If th couple lives together but is not married write the names on separate lines, with out the “and.”  For same sex couples, write the names alphabetically.

 

This website has examples of most scenarios:

http://www.thepaperystores.com/addressing.cfm

Post # 8
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@cakegal: Then how come most websites I’ve seen always list the man’s name first? As in “Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith”?

Post # 9
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

That’s not listing the man’s name first-that’s only listing the man’s name. It is traditional to list the man’s TITLE first when the woman has taken her husband’s name.

Post # 10
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

Actually, “ladies first” is a rule that applies only in limited circumstances. A gentleman goes ahead of the lady in any circumstance where, by doing so, he can make her passage safer or easier. So, in intimate hospitable situations, and in informal or intimate letters, the correct address is “Dear Mary and John,” — with the lady’s name first. Informal social situations are considered inherently “safe”.

In dangerous, formal or public situations, the gentleman goes first in order to safeguard his lady: when climbing up a rock-face so that he can hand her up, or when crossing a crowded bar or restaurant where there is no Maitre d’ to lead the way for her, or — by silly but correct extension of the rule — when metaphorically crossing the continent together on the back of an envelope. It really is the man’s name first.

Post # 11
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ve seen the woman’s name be listed first on things lots of times.  I always thought that the man’s name (or title) only goes first if the couple is married and she took his name, and the lady’s name is first otherwise. 

I did read the other day in Mindy Weiss’ wedding book that if one person in the couple has the title “Doctor” that they should always be first, regardless of if it’s the man or woman.

Post # 12
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

 I’ve always seen says ladies first except in the cases Ms Foxxy cited above.

I think it is tricky because rules for women who keep their names are newer and don’t always fit in to the pre 1970’s etiquette rules. Also, there are a lot  of people just writing whatever they want. This chart matches up to everything I’ve been taught:

http://www.somewhereintimecalligraphy.com/envelope-addressing-etiquette.html

 

I can tell you what not to do! I did not change my name( I am  established and well known in my career.)  Darling Husband has a friend whose wife is very traditional and doesn’t believe in women not changing their names. So she refuses to ackowledge that I haven’t and addresses all correspondance to MRs. John Smith. So rude! I am seriously considering addresses everything to her with her maiden name.

Post # 13
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@cakegal:  Wow… that’s so RUDE!  That’s like someone telling you that their name is Sara, but you call her Mindy instead.. just because that’s what you feel like calling her.  LoL.  Some people are so ridiculous!

Post # 14
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I believe that if you aren’t doing Mr. and Mrs., the woman usually goes first, UNLESS you have a professional title. The Dr. title always goes first. I also agree that Ms. is correct, unless you happen to know that she likes to go by Mrs.

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