(Closed) Etiquette Rant/Question about plus 1's.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do I need to invite my cousin's girlfriend that he's kind of living with?
    Yes, it would be really rude not to : (40 votes)
    87 %
    No, it's ok if you're trying to cut down on numbers : (6 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    6221 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    I think you need to invite her, and they should on a separate invitation from his parents, whom they don’t even live with. Like it or not, he’s an adult.


    Post # 4
    668 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Yes. It counts. They are most definitely a social unit — just because they don’t have the money to live on their own does not mean you get to judge their relationship as less worthy. Sorry, you have to invite her.

    ETA: and yes, anyone over the age of 18 gets their own invite (per social unit) no matter their address.

    Post # 5
    12247 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Oh, man. That is awesome.

    I think you do have to invite her (sorry), with a seperate invitation from the parents (sorry again).


    Post # 6
    7271 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Yes, that “counts”. They have been together almost 2 years so I would invite her even if they weren’t living together. And yes, they should get a separate invite.

    Also, I would strongly suggest against inviting 180+ when your venue only holds 150. That’s just a recipe for disaster.

    Post # 8
    823 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @abbybee:  wait, he had a child with the girlfriend he’s living with? You def need to invite her, they’re in a relationship and she’s the mother of his child.

    Post # 9
    323 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Yes! It would be the most inappropriate thing to do if you didn’t.

    I can’t believe this is a real post… What do you have against her? It’s not your place to be concerned over whether they break up whenever they do and however often they do…or let alone where he sleeps.

    As for all the other guest stress. Have your invites gone out yet? It’s never too late. You shouldn’t have people you don’t care for at your wedding. 

    You also mentioned your parents are paying…so, how are you so stressed about your budget getter larger? This doesn’t make sense to me.

    I feel as though there is so much more behind this ‘story’.  

    Post # 10
    567 posts
    Busy bee

    OP’s concern is that so many people are going to be there that she doesn’t know.  OP, your query is legitimate.  It sounds like you need to invite this girl.  As for the guests you hardly know, is there any chance your parents can decide a proportion of them to invite as opposed to all? 

    Post # 11
    7271 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m so sorry that you feel there are too many strangers at your wedding :/ Have you sent out invites yet? Did you already send out Save the Dates? Maybe you can still change it back to how you want it.

    Mine ballooned into something I didn’t want either. I wanted an intimate wedding and we ended up inviting 300 people. I was so upset right up until the wedding. However, everyone was so nice! They were all truly excited to see me get married because they knew my parents well. I barely even noticed that there were people I didn’t know well. I was too busy with my friends and close family (after greeting all the guests that I didn’t know very well) that I didn’t really notice that there were a bunch of people that I didn’t know well.

    So even if it’s too late to change, you will have a great day with the people you love regardless of if there are some people you don’t know.


    Post # 12
    2602 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    A family member of mine got married. I had been with SO for 5 years at that point. We were living together. She didn’t like SO. It was a subtle, catty type of thing, but I was aware of it. 

    She e-mailed me a week before the wedding to tell me I couldn’t bring him because she couldn’t afford a plate for him, and “we weren’t married”. She did invite some of her friend’s SO’s and the husbands of all family members. I discovered the friend’s and their SO’s when I arrived at the wedding. I wasn’t even sure about going after that e-mail, to be honest. Once I was there, I really wished I hadn’t bothered attending.

    Two years later it’s still a sore spot for me, and I feel like I disrespected my SO by attending despite him having no desire to go to her wedding. 

    Moral of the story? Invite her.

    The topic ‘Etiquette Rant/Question about plus 1's.’ is closed to new replies.

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