Etiquette regarding children at baby showers?

posted 11 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
7938 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Held babies are the norm at baby showers in my circle. Older kids- no. I honestly think it’s fine either way, but you need to be direct.

Post # 32
Member
3468 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t think anyone is saying they can’t have a child free event. If I’m invited to something I will check if breastfed baby is invited. If not, fine, I’ll likely decline, but I’d hate to miss out on something where the host was fine to have baby there in order to have me there. 

Not everything you get invited to comes with a formal invitation. 

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julies1949 :  

Post # 33
Member
5363 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d just be clear with people. 

Post # 35
Member
8978 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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gatsbymermaid :   My mom is surprised that ladies even want to bring their kids because it’s a chance to kick back and have lunch and some wine for a few hours. 

Please don’t take the personally because it applies to all invitations and all events. But the most frustrating thing in the world to me as a mom is for people to tell me that I wouldn’t want to have my child with me for some event. I don’t expect my kid to be invited to everything and there are certain types of events I wouldn’t want her at, but a baby shower is a place I would want to bring her. Again – she doesn’t have to be invited and I respect that, just don’t tell me I’ll have more fun without her because frankly that’s not true. 

Post # 36
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

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LilliV :  Agreed. Also, some people assume that it is somehow easier on the mother to not bring her child – with my breastfed baby it’s a huge hassle. Bottom line..you have the right to childfree events but that doesn’t mean parents will love it as much as you do – and they have the right to decline. 

Post # 39
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Fun story! My older sisters kids run around everywhere and don’t get told off. Theyre the reason we have kids free events in my family.  SIL made her baby shower kids free, so my sister showed up briefly & left the kids sitting in the car outside SIL mother’s house. So Awkward!! Worst thing is my dad offered to look after them &she refused. Not everything is a kids event & some mother’s need to stop getting offended when they’re told their kids aren’t invited 

Post # 40
Member
635 posts
Busy bee

 

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julies1949 :  

This assumes that people in your circle know how to address invitations correctly. Probably 40% of the invitations I receive are addressed only to me, but are absolutely meant to include both my partner and my child. 

You can’t get snobby about people ‘misreading’ invitations if no one addresses them according to the rule. 

OP – Every baby shower I’ve ever attended has been coed and child-friendly, and invitations are almost always loosely addressed. I’d 100% assume my kid was included, but I would check with the hosts if there was even a shred of doubt. If someone told me space was tight, I’d assume that was a warning not to think my kid would have ample room to play, not necessarily a directive not to bring my kid. 

Just be direct with people. Life is so much easier when we all are. 

Post # 41
Member
8978 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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gatsbymermaid :  I was just trying to warn you not to say that to the moms when you tell them the kids aren’t invited! Especially if you also exclude breastfed babies. I was very very selective about the invitations I would accept when I was nursing and the baby wasn’t invited. As PP said unless it’s something I am DYING to do it’s not worth the hassle to pump at the event, prep bottles, etc. and sorry but bridal/baby showers never would have fallen into that category. 

Post # 42
Member
805 posts
Busy bee

There are really strong cultural differences on this so people will reasonably be confused. You just need to be clear on what you expect. For example, I would assume that any children too young to need to order a food item are welcome at a baby shower, even at a restaurant, but that older children would need to be specifically invited. But that’s not “the right way to do it” its just what I would assume because it is what is familiar to me. For others it may be always children, or no children of any age unless specified. Since there is no univeral norm, you are going to have to be clear with people if you want them to behave in a particular way. 

Post # 44
Member
8978 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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gatsbymermaid :  didn’t want to assume you would, but I’ve had people say it to me lol. I think if I stayed home and wasn’t breastfeeding I’d love the “break”, but I work full time and my weekends are my main quality time with my daughter so I’m reluctant to give them up too frequently. I know a lot of other moms who work outside the home feel similarly. 

Post # 45
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I perdsonally would not assume that I could bring my son(he’s 8 months old) to a baby sower (or any event really) unless his name was on the invitation or if the invitation said “Babies and children welcome” or something similar. How strange that people just assume their children are invited to the event.

Loks like you need to let them know. Just be friendly, but clear and firm about it. If you have a FB event perhaps you could add this as well as telling those who need the info?

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