Etiquette regarding children at baby showers?

posted 12 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it’s incredibly nervy to just expect children to be invited, especially at a restaurant!

Post # 47
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

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gatsbymermaid :  Almost every baby shower I’ve been to has been child-friendly and for most I’ve been invited ‘informally’. 

I think from everyone’s responses you can see that you just need to be clear with people. Whether children are invited or not is up to you and your mom, whether they attend or not is up to them. 

Post # 48
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m just wondering how the etiquette people address their children’s birthday invitations? I have been invited to my friends’ kids birthday parties and the invite is always addressed to the adult and obviously you bring your kids if you have them. The concept of every single family member’s name needing to be on the invite has never been a thing in my circle and when an affair is adult only it is always specified. Some of you really act like there is set etiquette when really there’s not. Different cultures are very different.  Unless you’re the royal family there is no set etiquette for anything and it’s odd how many bees here are always quick to jump at what proper etiquette is. In some countries smacking your food or burping after a meal is rude in others it shows gratitude for the meal and that you enjoyed it. Sooo etiquette who? And now that I’m pregnant I agree with LilliV about declining if I can’t bring my infant to something like a baby shower and that I may not want a “break” seeing as how I have a demanding job that I’ll be away from my LO. 

Post # 49
Member
7595 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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DoubleD :  Honestly normal people don’t consult Miss Manners over every get-together they host. Ok, for weddings, fine (though even there, most people tend to be a lot more laid back than the etiquette police on WB) but birthday parties and even showers? No, the average host is not obsessing over the nitty gritty of invitation etiquette.

And, not that the OP is doing this, but I would find it really disingenuous if a host told me they didn’t invite children because they knew I wanted a break from my kid. Like fine to have a no kid event but don’t present it like you’re doing ME a favor when really you’re doing this because it’s what YOU want (which is fine!!). Even if I did want a break, I’d still be annoyed by the no kid policy being “justified” this way.

Post # 50
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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tiffanybruiser :  agree. At my aunt and uncle’s wedding they had a no kids policy except their nieces and nephews who were in the wedding and people questioned them literally on their wedding day as to why they also couldn’t bring their kids. 

Post # 51
Member
2182 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“But shouldn’t the fact that only your name is on on the invite be all the clues you need? I mean, it’s not addressed to “the Smith family.” The invite is addressed to “Betty Smith.””

I think most people assume that a shower invitation is not that formal or written with strict etiquette rules in mind. And they would be right. The showers I’ve attended have always involved children, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to wonder and/or ask.

Post # 52
Member
2182 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“But the most frustrating thing in the world to me as a mom is for people to tell me that I wouldn’t want to have my child with me for some event.”

When people say this, it is highly doubtful that they are implying your child is awful, a burden, or that you don’t love him/her. They are probably just acknowledging that parenting is difficult and that having an evening or event where one is not actively parenting might be enjoyable. Maybe it’s not for you, but I don’t see the point in spending the energy to become offended by what is a pretty innocuous comment IMO.

Post # 53
Member
13067 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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DoubleD :  Birthday party invitations are usually addressed to the child. If a parent must attend, too, which was common when mine were much younger, the invitation would say so or you’d otherwise let the other parents know they are welcome or required to stay. 

If it’s a family friend and you are the main ones invited, the invitation includes the names of the parents and the children. Intimate family and friends parties are often by word of mouth. 

Post # 54
Member
1824 posts
Buzzing bee

This is really interesting! I have literally never been to a baby shower with children invited and I can’t imagine why children would be invited. I didn’t realize that it wasn’t the norm for some people! Usually our baby showers consist of a light lunch or apps, baby shower themed games, and watching the pregnant mom open gifts. If there were kids around I imagine that they would need entertaining somehow. I’m a teacher and love kids, and wouldn’t particularly mind them having them around, but I feel like they would be incredibly bored sitting around watching women ooh and ahh over clothes, or get frustrated seeing toys that they can’t play with. What do the kids do when they are invited to a baby shower?

Post # 55
Member
7595 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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strawberrysakura :  It just depends on your circle I guess. In my circle baby showers are usually hosted at someone’s home and small children, while not specifically invited, are welcome to come if their parents want to bring them for whatever reason. It’s just a non issue.

Post # 56
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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weddingmaven :  yeah but I’m asking what is the “etiquette” on them since children seem to be exhiled from so many events that are completely normal for some social circles to have them present. Because according to this,  every specific person should be addressed or you should assume nobody else including your infant are invited or it’s poor etiquette. I’m more than one race and have a lot of people of diffierent cultures around me that this is such a non-issue until I see it on weddingbee. 

Post # 57
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee

I think it is up to the parents to check with the hosts first if they can bring kids or you can specifically state it in your invitation that it is one guest only.  Some people are ok with it, some not, unfortunately.  I have been to baby showers where I didn’t bring my young daughter because of the space limitations and I was fine with that. 

Post # 58
Member
1824 posts
Buzzing bee

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DoubleD :  In my circles, it’s common to bring your children with you to reguar get-togethers amongst family and friends, and birthday parties for children where there are actually activities planned for the children. When it’s a more formal social event primarily for adults then children are not just expected and need to be specifically invited. 

Post # 59
Member
9771 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Every baby shower I’ve been to has had some children in attendance. Most were very informal invites as well, evites, facebook events, cheapy Target invites…it’s not like it’s a formal wedding.

My cousin brought her 3 year old to mine and it was totally fine, although I will say my mom thought it was weird, so maybe it’s partly a generational thing too.

Personally I think it’s a little hypocritical to be like “come celebrate the new baby! Bring me gifts! Oh, but we don’t want your baby here…”

Post # 60
Member
5917 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I hate these posts, people who can’t recognise that social norms and etiquette aren’t universal are the worst. 

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