Post # 1
I am maid of honor for one of my best friends who was maid of honor for my wedding last year. I am in CA and she in TN, and I am flying out this weekend for her bridal shower. I have been planning the shower remotely with lots of help from one of the local bridesmaids, and plan to share costs of the shower with her (food, decorations, invitiations, etc.) According to etiquette, do you think it’s expected that I also bring a gift to the shower? Or, is the shower itself my/our gift? (The other bridesmaid is equally confused.) I’m kind of inclined to think so, but also know it’s polite to bring a gift to anything you’re invited to, whether as elaborate as a wedding or a simple dinner party. But, what is the protocol if you’re partially hosting, even if the planning has been from afar? And does my status of maid of honor automatcially means I need to contribute more to or am absolved from certain expenses? Gah, I’m talking in circles. Ladies– your opinions?
For reference, in case it’s helpful
– I do plan to get her a wedding gift, and maybe some sort of lingere or something small & sassy for her bachelorette party as well (which I will also be partially paying for.)
– She was invited to my shower but did not attend (because of the cross-country distance). She did not get me a gift for my shower, nor for my wedding (although she keeps saying that she still wants to).
– The other bridesmaid is thinking of getting her a gift at the shower, but not the wedding. She has two other bridesmaids as well, I do not know their gifting plans.
Post # 3
@missbiscuit: You were not “invited” to the shower, you are “hosting” the shower so you do not need to bring a gift. If you want to get something small so there is something for her to open, you can, but it should not be expected. And, I must say, it’s very cool that you’re doing this long distance – I hope she appreciates what an awesome Maid/Matron of Honor you are!
Post # 4
@missbiscuit: You’re not obligated to get her a gift. I didn’t expect anything as a bride, although my BMs all got me a gift. I think if you feel awkward about it, you could maybe buy her a bottle of champagne or a GC in a small denomination, but it’s definitely not a requirement.
Post # 5
I kinda think you should bring *something* but it doesn’t have to be lavish nor expensive, just something.
I was a tad dissapointed that my Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t get me anything for the shower. I mean even a card would have done… but she didn’t bother, but she did host.
Post # 6
No matter who is hosting it (usually the Bridal Party where I live), the Bridal Party also picks one of the larger registry gifts and gives it from the group. Can the other Bridesmaid or Best Man get in touch with the other girls and see if they’ve decided on anything, or are they waiting to hear from the MOH?
Post # 7
i have been in a few bridal parties. in each one, we have always gotten the bride a group gift, something like the kitchenaid mixer, that would have been a lot for 1 person but split between 4 or 5 was really cheap. i never really thought about the whole hosting/not invited aspect, and that totally makes sense. the shower *is* a gift… but i think at this point i would feel really awkward not giving a decent gift to a good friend for her shower.
Post # 8
For those of you saying to get her a gift/go the group gift route- in your opinion do I then get her a wedding gift as well, or just one for the shower and that’s it?
Post # 9
Depends on your normal gift giving. In some places, people only give shower gifts and no wedding gifts. In others, people give a gift for the shower and another (or a cash gift) for the wedding. We do both~2 seperate events,2 seperate gifts.
Post # 10
Hmm I see your point but I honestly don’t think I’ve been to a wedding where the hostess didn’t get a gift for the bride. You could if you feel strained financially just pick up something smaller off her registry ($20.00?), I’m sure she would be more than appreciative of that.
And hello to a fellow Sonoma County bride!
Post # 11
I would at least give a card at the wedding. Personally, I would give a wedding gift, but I wouldn’t be offended if my BMs couldn’t afford to do so. It’s expensive being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 12
we do both too… i usually give cash for folks i am invited to the wedding as a guest for. the weddings ive been in the wedding party for i have usually given my friend something she was stressed about on the registry (like someone only bought her 5 out of 6 place settings or there were no matching face clothes purchased to go with her towels) or something not on the registry but i knew was personal for the couple . i agree 2 seperate events, 2 seperate gifts…
since you are Maid/Matron of Honor, i bet you could get away with a more thoughtful, less pricey non-registry gift at the wedding.
Post # 13
My BM’s are throwing me a shower. They are also all flying down to my wedding – I don’t expect any of them to get me anything….and I told them that them saying yes to the expenses involved with my wedding so they could be there with me on my special day was more than enough and a wonderful gift.
Post # 14
Hosting a shower IS a gift, even if you can’t open it up.
I would bring a card with well wishes and nothing more.
Post # 15
Thanks for the input, everyone!
@Treejewel19: Yay Sonoma Co.! I hope all of your planning is going well! Let me know if you need any local vendor referrals– I did a LOT of research when I was planning mine! (Though, looks like yours is next month, so hopefully you have it all covered by now!) 🙂