(Closed) Etiquette regarding gifts?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@missbiscuit:  You were not “invited” to the shower, you are “hosting” the shower so you do not need to bring a gift. If you want to get something small so there is something for her to open, you can, but it should not be expected. And, I must say, it’s very cool that you’re  doing this long distance – I hope she appreciates what an awesome Maid/Matron of Honor you are!

Post # 4
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@missbiscuit:  You’re not obligated to get her a gift. I didn’t expect anything as a bride, although my BMs all got me a gift. I think if you feel awkward about it, you could maybe buy her a bottle of champagne or a GC in a small denomination, but it’s definitely not a requirement.

Post # 5
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I kinda think you should bring *something* but it doesn’t have to be lavish nor expensive, just something.

I was a tad dissapointed that my Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t get me anything for the shower. I mean even a card would have done… but she didn’t bother, but she did host.

Post # 6
Member
5763 posts
Bee Keeper

No matter who is hosting it (usually the Bridal Party where I live), the Bridal Party also picks one of the larger registry gifts and gives it from the group. Can the other Bridesmaid or Best Man get in touch with the other girls and see if they’ve decided on anything, or are they waiting to hear from the MOH?

Post # 7
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i have been in a few bridal parties. in each one, we have always gotten the bride a group gift, something like the kitchenaid mixer, that would have been a lot for 1 person but split between 4 or 5 was really cheap. i never really thought about the whole hosting/not invited aspect, and that totally makes sense. the shower *is* a gift… but i think at this point i would feel really awkward not giving a decent gift to a good friend for her shower.

Post # 9
Member
5763 posts
Bee Keeper

Depends on your normal gift giving. In some places, people only give shower gifts and no wedding gifts. In others, people give a gift for the shower and another (or a cash gift) for the wedding. We do both~2 seperate events,2 seperate gifts.

Post # 10
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Hmm I see your point but I honestly don’t think I’ve been to a wedding where the hostess didn’t get a gift for the bride. You could if you feel strained financially just pick up something smaller off her registry ($20.00?), I’m sure she would be more than appreciative of that.

And hello to a fellow Sonoma County bride!

Post # 11
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would at least give a card at the wedding. Personally, I would give a wedding gift, but I wouldn’t be offended if my BMs couldn’t afford to do so. It’s expensive being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 12
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

we do both too… i usually give cash for folks i am invited to the wedding as a guest for. the weddings ive been in the wedding party for i have usually given my friend something she was stressed about on the registry (like someone only bought her 5 out of 6 place settings or there were no matching face clothes purchased to go with her towels) or something not on the registry but i knew was personal for the couple . i agree 2 seperate events, 2 seperate gifts…

since you are Maid/Matron of Honor, i bet you could get away with a more thoughtful, less pricey non-registry gift at the wedding. 

Post # 13
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My BM’s are throwing me a shower.  They are also all flying down to my wedding – I don’t expect any of them to get me anything….and I told them that them saying yes to the expenses involved with my wedding so they could be there with me on my special day was more than enough and a wonderful gift.

FWIW

Post # 14
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

Hosting a shower IS a gift, even if you can’t open it up. 

I would bring a card with well wishes and nothing more.

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