(Closed) Etiquette, schmetiquette… I need some opinions!

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 16
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am older, and am absolutley opposed to registry cards.  I do think it is a generational (and perhaps a regional?) thing.

Post # 17
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2006

Sometimes I think I’m a bit of a snot about this issue, but I don’t think registry information is appropriate in invitations of any kind — wedding, bridal shower, baby shower, birthday, etc.  

Also, in my experience, it’s just not that difficult to discover where someone is registered.  You can check a website, call the host/hostess to inquire or ask others who are attending.  I recently had a disagreement with the hostess of my baby shower about this.  She wanted to include the information in the invitations, but (1) I knew my Mother-In-Law would be horrified and (2) I consider part of the responsibility of a host/hostess is to offer information to guests.  I’ve always disseminated registry and similar information as a hostess, and I just don’t think it’s a major inconvenience for the hostess or the guests.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m “offended” when I see the information included, but I am slightly put off by the forwardness of the request for gifts.

Post # 18
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I actually would love to have the registry information on the invitation. I love to buy presents. And it’s already expected of me to buy one anyway… so why not put it on there. That being said, I’ve never had an invitation with the registry card on it. I usually find out from invitations to a shower or I just randomly ask them or their friends. I also like to search online for registries. My friends usually stick to the same 4 or 5 stores.

I think people will figure it out eventually. So don’t be worried if you don’t include it. They will find out if they want to find out. But I don’t think it would be absolutely bad to include it.

Post # 19
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I was always told you didn’t include it however in 90% of the invites I’ve received over the last several years had it in there.  And i heard several times regarding my invites that the registry should’ve been in there because it was hard to find.  A friend is getting married now and I recommended to her to put it on there.

Unless you are having people register through your site, I doubt they will go to your site to find it.  In my very recent experience.

Post # 20
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I honestly dont care either way whether the registry information is in the card or not. But – if it is in there I know where to look!

Post # 21
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Only you know how your guests will react to this.

I know that my guests would be highly offended, so registry cards will NOT be going in with the invitation. It’ll be on our website, but mostly spread through word of mouth.

Post # 22
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I always thought you shouldn’t put the registry info ON the invitation itself; I didn’t realize it couldn’t even go in the envelope.  We’re putting our info on the website and then including information about the website in the invitation suite.  But I wouldn’t be horrified if there were information in the invitation itself, just maybe not those store cards.  If you already had inserts, you could have info on lodging, transportation, etc. and then say “The bride and groom are registered at ____ and ___.  For more information, please visit the website at http://…”

Post # 23
4824 posts
Honey bee

I had never seen it until a few years ago. When I saw the cards I wasnt offended, because that is a little strong for a reaction to something like this. But I didnt like the idea of it even though I didnt know it was considered wrong at that point. 

Post # 24
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Around here, people often put registry information in their invitations. Not me, nor anyone else I know, ever even notices or cares.

imo, it’s just less hassle for the guests. 

Post # 26
1267 posts
Bumble bee

Around here, it’s considered helpful and respectful of your guests time to include registry information.  Maybe because here in the NYC metro area we are super busy, run around all the time people, lol.  But I do NOT want to have to call someone’s parents that I may not know (where would I find the phone number even), try to figure out who is in your bridal party and cold call them and I would die if I was expected to say ‘hey, where should I buy your gift for your wedding?’ or something.  I also am far too busy to be checking every store in the world for where you’re registered at.  So for me, and at least in my circle, I’d appreciate not having to jump through hoops to find out! 😛

Also, just want to point out and I really hope this doesn’t offend anyone, but I would never bother going to a wedding website.  It sounds (sounds, not is) kind of self serving to me, like I’m going to get hit with a bunch of romantic ‘how we met’ type stuff of which I’m not a fan.  I’ve actually never recieved an invitation with a website and I have 5 weddings to go to this year! (Sheesh)  But if I did, I probably wouldn’t bother looking at it.  I would expect the invite to have all pertinent information I need for the event, including hotel, directions and registry info.  So if you ARE going to put the registry info on the website, you may want to say that in the invite.  Or at least give some idea on what can be found on the website.  Plus, remember that not everyone uses a computer or has access easily.

Post # 27
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I have been invited to about 10 weddings over the last 3-4 years. Of these 10 invites, only two of them stated the registry information in the invite (both included it on the main invite). It just left a really bad taste in my mouth, since it says to me, “Come to my wedding. Buy me a gift”. 

Post # 28
7299 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jillieb: Every wedding I have been to in the last 5 years has had a registry card in the invite suite. I was not offended. I think it’s fine because personally I’m busy. I use to work for a place where cell phones were not allowed out because of HIPPA and when I did get to use my cell phone it was for other business that I needed to take care of. I don’t like being on the phone. I don’t want to track down brides mom or friends to ask where they are registered. Thats just me. 

Post # 29
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’ve never received a registry card with an invite here in the US.  FI and I were invited to his cousin’s wedding in London last year and there was a registry card in the invite. First time I ever saw one.  I personally would not want to see registry info on the actual invite itself.  I would be less offended if it was a separate card.  However, since most of us these days are sending out our own invites, it does sort of seem like a request for gifts.  Thus, I will not be sending out any registry info with our invitations and I have not put it on our website.  I plan on word of mouth, which is how I’ve found out about my friends’ registries in the past.  

I am not opposed to registry info on bridal shower invites though, since those are typically hosted and sent by friends, etc.  For instance, for a “stock the kitchen” shower I would think it acceptable to put “Amy is registered at Williams-Sonoma” on the invite or to include those registry cards they provide.

Oh, and I spent the fist 24 years of my life in FL.  And have lived in various other states since…now in Chicago with my English/Swiss Fiance who had not heard of registry cards either (until said cousin’s wedding).

Post # 30
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m originally from Boston, and the only time I’ve seen the registry information was on a bridal shower invite and the website info on the save-the-date.  I wouldn’t be offended if I received one with it, but I personally wouldn’t send it.  I’d rather play it safe and avoid having a guest take it the wrong way. 

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