(Closed) Etiquette, schmetiquette… I need some opinions!

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 46
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Since we already cohabitate (lol!) we arent really sure if we want to do a Registry, I would love to be honest and say, he any money we get is going to the Honeymoon, and I have also seen special website where people can contribute to directly.

Definitely going to use the Wedding Website as much as possible though! Less paper the better in my opinion!

Post # 47
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t see why you would have to call anyone to find someone’s registry.  All I’ve ever done is gone to google and typed in the brides name and registry and it’s popped up or use a registry finder, which there’s lots on the internet, I usually just use the one on theknot (the only time i go to theknot).  I’ve never not been able to find one by a simple google search.

Post # 48
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@jillieb:

Do most people you are inviting know your parents or your families phone numbers?  Or do they know people in the bridal party?  If you are inviting mostly all family or close knit people and don’t mind the phone calls you could leave it out and just hope they call. 

If you have lots of friends invitied that don’t know your family or your Wedding Party then I would consider either putting it in for them, or if you are putting a website in there, maybe say ‘registry, hotel accomodations and other info can be found at jilliebswedding.com or whatever.

Sorry there are so many schools of thought on this one, lol!

Post # 49
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I didn’t know it was considered rude until I saw it on wedding planning websites.  I had initially decided to NOT include the cards with our invite info, but after talking to many people who said they’d rather have it included, I’ve decided I will be including it.  Yes, some folks might find it rude, but those folks probably won’t be at my wedding. 

Post # 50
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@troubled:

Lol – don’t know if I’m lazy or just would never think to have to do the searching myself to figure out where they are registered but I’d never google their name thinking to get registry info!  I’ve even thought to myself, what do I have to go to fortunoff’s website, check it – nope.  Okay, now to Macy’s, check it – nope.  Okay, now to pottery barn, check it – nope – all afternoon which to me is annoying! 😛

P.S. – just tried it for someone that I know where they are registered and got 9 pages from google and she was on the 6th page! :O  I’m too lazy for that.  I’ll check out that registry program to see if thats something good for me… but I guess I just find it a little tiny bit irritating to have to even do that – I just want the info!!! 😛

Post # 52
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@troubled:

Thank you!! I’ll definetly keep that in mind if I come across the need 🙂

Post # 53
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’ve been to quite a few weddings and there has always been a registry card in the invitation. I didn’t know that it was “against etiquette” until coming on WB. Still not sure how we’ll do it. We probably will end up putting it in the invite somewhere in addition to putting it on the website.

We’re in Southern California. And I agree with some others that it depends on the formality of the wedding (& invitations) and who (& how many) you’re inviting.

Post # 54
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m not a fan of the whole “well, all my friends did it, so it’s okay.” I mean, some people tell their kids how much money they make too; doesn’t mean that we should make that the new standard. I’m on the side that think’s it’s not good to include registry information in the invitation.  An invitation is about sharing your hospitality with someone, and that doesn’t include telling them where they can go to purchase a gift for you in exchange for that hospitality. It also suggests that attendance is contingent upon giving a gift, and yes, while it’s customary to give gifts, it’s not required. 

If I’m being really honest here, I don’t think I’d be offended per se if I got a registry card (my mother and my grandmother and most of my older relatives would be), but I probably would judge you. And not in a nice way–I’d probably sigh and think, “Gee, it’s too bad she doesn’t know any better.” Now, I’m sure your friends obviously think you’re a lovely person and wouldn’t think that and I’m not trying to be mean; I’m just trying to give you a sense of what people MIGHT think, particularly if they aren’t your friends and don’t know you (like your FI’s parents’ friends, perhaps). 

I also don’t understand why there is a need to have it in the invitation at all. The courtesy angle doesn’t make much sense because if you put the registry information on your website and include the web address in your invitation, people can easily find it–and it’s not a huge “extra step” because most of those people will have to go on the web to purchase a registry item anyway (those that don’t, usually older guests who call a store or go in person, generally don’t have a problem calling. That seems to be a younger generation issue–although, I’m sure there are exceptions!). I also think the logic behind the whole “it’s easier for my guests” is a little strange, like saying, “Here, let me make it easy for you to buy ME something!” It sounds a little paranoid in the end, like the couple is worried no one will buy them a gift. 

BUT having said all that, you know your guests. If this is totally the norm for your circle and they truly will be confused without it in the invite, then go ahead. However, I think that if there’s any doubt in your mind some people might be offended, I would err on the conservative side and not mention registries in the invite. Just provide that info on your website and include the web address in your invitation. 

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