Post # 46
I used to worry alot about how people would see things about my wedding when i started thinking of things i wanted (mainly cause the wedding wedding is for my mom(single mom) and grandmother) most of all … he has been married b4 does not like weddings but said anything that makes me happy he will love so pretty much gave me choice on anything everything that will make the day special to me … I am looking forward to a special day but i have let go alot of fears of ohh gosh will people be upset and this or that cause i realize the people who really love me wont be worried if i dot have chair covers or fancy table clothes …. if the food tastes good they wont care if its sit down or buffet (i still have not choosen) if i am happy they will not care if its out side on carpets with fancy pillows and a formal picnic int he middle of a forest (one of my dreams but now i think cause of my grandmas ablity to walk lessning not so doable) or if its at tables in a hall ball room or restruant
i think people will justbe happy to be their … they wont care if its a full bar or if tis open bar till we hit a cap then pay bar or even no bar lol though i want to have a bar … i think people just want to have fun i know i had fun at my friends wedding with drink tickets and pay bar and i had fun at my cousins destination wedding open bar in mexico and then party at home in a hall with open bar again … the bar didnt make it neither did the paper napkins vrs cloth as the party here in canada was way low key showing slides with some food and an open bar it didnt matter i even stayed after to help clean the hall lol (a little drunk lol collecting all the paper lanturns)
i think all that matters at the end of the day is people who love you will have a great time if your making it fun so make it fun serve nice food and the rest does not really matter
Post # 47
I agree that weddings aren’t about whether or not the invitation is hand-written, etc. but once you invite people to a hosted party it is no longer just about you and you need to be considerate of your guests. That doesn’t mean you have to have all the bells and whistles and open bars.
Like a lot of PPs said, many people just don’t know what others will be expecting and they want to do it well. So if they follow etiquette guidelines they have a standard to work with and won’t be calling up their guests to ask why they fidn’t bring a gift or making all of their guests wait 3 hours while they get their photos taken.
Post # 48
I thank God that none of my relatives or friends give a rats ass about half of the gasp worthy things people mention on here. Even making the assumption addressing someone in their mates last name… who the frig cares? Bigger fish to fry! Sorry….
I am lucky that they care about good food, good drinks and good fun. Everything else is bonus..
Post # 49
MeandMyLouboutins: I am a degreed and accomplished professional and anyone who would attempt to reduce me to a man’s accessory by referring to me by his last name–not everyone sees it this way and I don’t force others into my view, but I also expect that my preference for how I construct my identity will be respected–would be ignoring my very clear preference and I would be at least a little offended. Any host or hostess who cares about his or her guests should be willing to expend the minimal effort required to find out how the guests wish to be addressed.
Also, just to repeat what others have said, the OP is just one of many Bees who would be well-served by looking up ‘etiquette’ in a dictionary or actually reading a well-regarded general etiquette manual.
Post # 50
MarriedToMyWork: Oh sigh…. Being “degreed and an accomplished professional” has NOTHING to do with taking or not taking someones last name. *eyeroll*
It would be nice if they got your name right but shit happens. If that offends you I cannot imagine how many times a day you get offeended. Not worth the stress….
Post # 51
MeandMyLouboutins: You may not see name and professional status as connected and thus it is your right not to insist on being addressed by your maiden name if that is your choice, but some of us are in fields where we still have to fight for respect as women and thus keeping one’s name is a significant part of constructing and expressing our identities as individuals who are to be taken seriously. We also have the right to be addressed as we choose. I am glad that an increasing number of women are being treated in such a way that they do not have to draw these lines in the sand, but for those of us who do have to draw these lines as just one part of our strategy to be taken seriously, form of address is a big deal. Anyone who decides for me that names and forms of address are unimportant or not a big deal is being, if not rude, then at least presumptuous about my life. Again, if the members of one’s guest list are friends and family the one would presumably know how they prefer to be addressed already, and it should take little effort to clarify when one is not sure. When I am addressed incorrectly, I assume that I was not considered worth any effort. I have a policy of never fully trusting or expecting meaningful friendship with someone who can’t be bothered to address me correctly and for nearly 40 years that has not yet steered me wrong.
Post # 52
Why does it bother you if people care about etiquette? I don’t understand.
The comfort of wedding guests is important because they are there to celebrate and support the marriage.
A little graciousness and consideration goes a long way.
Post # 53
If you are as educated as you say you are, you should be aware that not everyone views a last name as a feminist statement. Sometimes not everyone is familiar with your preferences. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care.
If you would like your choice to keep your name appreciated and acknowledged by others, it would make sense to respect the equally valid choice of taking a husband’s name. You have heavily implied that a woman who takes her husband’s name is nothing but his accessory. That sounds very disrespectful and ignorant, especially from someone who refers to herself as a “degreed and educated professional.”
Strong and confident women do not need to tear down other ladies who choose different paths.
Post # 54
I knew a rich bride who actually told me that her plates were $160 each and she hoped that when people saw her venue on the invitation, they would know that $100 a plate would not be enough. Such greed and tactless behavior.
She did flaunt the cost of her 10K gown, along with the price of her 20K engagement ring. We aren’t friends anymore because being engaged to a rich man turned her into an arrogant and boorish fool.
Money will never be able to buy class.
Post # 55
Oh my goodness you guys – it looks like this thread is not headed in a good direction, so I’m going to go ahead and close this. Let’s just agree to disagree, shall we? 🙂