Post # 1
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
Ok so in almost every post on here that i read some one mentions Etiquette.
‘the proper Etiqutte means that you MUST/NEED….’ ‘the ‘right’ thing to do is….’ ‘your (insert title here) NEEDS to have a +1’
What I want to know is why is etiqutte important to you on YOUR day, If its not Important why not? or are you picking and choosing what Etiqutte applies??
Personally I think a wedding should reflect the couple getting Married, not some rule book created bu goodness knows who, that only makes every little wedding decision harder. – I am however intereted to know others thoughts as I know there are a few Etiquette Lovers out there!
Included a poll too 🙂
Im also curious about Traditions too ( FOB giving you away, bad luck seeing bride before wedding, rings, recieving line, garter/boquet toss etc…but will leave that for another post!)
Post # 3
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
I really dislike etiquette sometimes. Its so upheld in the US weddings its ridiculous. People should be free to do what they want not to adhere to some stupid rule which if some people follow to the letter will end up pretty miserable. I think guidelines are good but to think people talk about you because “oh my goodness … you put this persons name on this invitation when it should be on this invitation” is pathetic
Post # 4
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
The reason so much talk about etiquette surrounds weddings is that for most people, their wedding is the only formal event they’ll ever host. Therefore, all the rules and regulations of a formal event, which are not familiar to most people, are discussed and [attempted to be] followed.
Post # 5
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
@peachacid:
I see what your saying but WHY? WHY do people care so much…?
Post # 6
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
I love it. It makes life so much easier.
Everytime I see one of these posts it makes me laugh a little, because typically people who are all boo hoo etiquette sucks are also the ones to post about how rude so and so was for RSVPing for extra guests or something similar.
The only rules people don’t seem to like are not charging guests for hospitality, not asking for gifts, ones that directly impact them, etc.
Also most people who hate etiquette don’t even know what “rules” are etiquette, and which are simply traditions, or are not etiquette. Already mentioned in this thread, that so and so’s name goes on the invitation. All etiquette says is that the host is listed. Not that parents must go on, etc.
Post # 7
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
@leecy87: +1
my thoughts exactly. Not that I have been to a US wedding but thats the feeling I get on here is that following Etiquette rules seems to be really prominent in the States? In Australia, and New Zealand (where I am from) and even in England where FH is from it seems less important.
Post # 8
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
A mix for me. My parents are paying for our wedding, but mum thinks it doesn’t look right to have just their names on the invites, so we’re having both (I love it). I’m keen to do “something old/something new”… when I suggested asking my grandma if she could lend me my something old or something borrowed, my mum practically screwed up her nose (as much as you can on a phone call! haha) and said quite pointedly that she didn’t do that tradition at her wedding. Do i care? Nope, I’d like to do it for myself, she doesn’t get a say in that one 😛
I’m all for being flexible and chopping & changing for what suits us and what we want to incorporate.
Post # 9
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
I think it’s really silly that ppl who (for the most part) could care less about etiquette in their daily lives suddenly become miss manners when they are planning a wedding. It makes one look and sound like a hypocrite. It’s actually a huge pet peeve of mine. I’m a nice person (I think lol) and I follow basic common sense societal rules, but I am no means an ‘etiquette snob’ (for lack of a better term) in my day to day life. So why would I suddenly become one for my wedding?! It’s just silly.
Post # 10
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@NearlyMrsRad: It’s like apostrophes. Some people think it’s nitpicking; others think it’s the most important thing EVAR.
Post # 11
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
I voted the “what felt right” option.
I’m Aussie & not from a very well-off/formal background at all. So a lot of the higher-end etiquette stuff on here is something of a novelty to me I guess (not that Australians don’t do etiquette, just that some of our traditions seem different to the US stuff on here)…
I’ve just always strived to be gracious & thankful & use good manners in all parts of life… I’m sure I’ve done/will do things that would horrify the etiquette queens here, but whatevs. I’m not hosting the queen & I don’t think I ever will be!
Post # 12
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
@goingtotherooftopoflove:
Thats cool 🙂 IM a bit of a sucker for the something old thing too 🙂
We are paying for of our wedding but decided to include both sets of parents on the invitation too, because for us it was about recognising both our families coming together. so it read ‘ me and him together with their parents my folks and his folks invite…..
Flexibility is extremely important when it comes to wedding Planning!!!
@andielovesj:
Im a little unsure of the rules you mentioned? whats the not charging guests for hospitality? I also dont get the making life easier thing? how does it? all the post I read on here seem to be that it makes things harder!
Post # 13
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
@NearlyMrsRad: To me it makes it easier, because people know what to expect. I know that if I get an invitation with just my name, that only I am invited, then I accept or decline as I see fit. That if I get an invitation that it between 5-7 pm that a dinner will be served, and that I needn’t eat before I go.
Can you give me an example of it making life more difficult?
Post # 14
Member
4659 posts
Honey bee
When it comes to my wedding… I’m a rebel haha. If etiquette or tradition feels wrong or makes life harder (for me or anyone else) I toss it right out the window. I think there’s WAAAY too much emphasis on it in wedding planning. I’m very… do what you want, if anyone gets THAT upset about where you put your spoons or the wording of your invitation, that’s their crazy priority problem not yours.
To borrow from MST3K… “It’s just a [wedding], you should really just relax.”
Post # 15
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
It’s not for me. I can’t relax if I am having to worry about which fork I’m supposed to eat with or how exactly I should word my invites. I am that bride who wanted to serve sack lunches 5th grade field trip style but my maid-of-honor said it was trashy. Sigh.
Post # 16
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
@andielovesj: Oh ok, I guess my confusion lies then because to me the examples you listed are common sense- I dont need to understand etiquette to know that if only my name is on something that its just for me why on earth would I assume other wise!
-The post you see about Brides having to give certain Guests +1’s when they may not even know the +1 is the first thing that springs to mind.
-Organising seating charts in a perfect M/F ratio is another
-The f printing Formal RSVPs ( although old etiquette states that a guest should RSVP by hand written note I believe this practice is to make that part easier)
– another one I came across recently was that a sister should be first choice for Maid/Matron of Honor over a friend?