- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
It depends on the etiquette “rule” we’re talking about, I guess. Etiquette is VERY regional–I always laugh when I see someone get indignant about how omgRUDE/tacky/cheap/etc. it is to have a cash bar, wishing well, dollar dance, bridal shower, etc. Those things are so dependent on area, culture, background. I was NEVER taught etiquette growing up, so how the hell was I supposed to know any of these things except what I saw at other weddings?
My aunt had a dollar dance at her wedding. FI’s cousin did one at his. I think probably half of the weddings I’ve been to have had one and half have not. It doesn’t bother me either way–I enjoy them and will participate if there is one. We’ve attended weddings that were dry, some that were cash, some that were open, and some that were beer/wine. None of those bother me. People here cry “Host what you can afford!” and people do–cash bars, dry, beer and wine, completely open. THAT IS WHAT THEY COULD AFFORD AND THEREFORE WHAT THEY CHOSE. Okay, it’s just not done in your area–but that’s your area. The US and the WORLD are so much bigger than your area, and different parts have different cultures–hell, even different social circles have different cultures. I had an argument once where someone kept saying that you wouldn’t invite people over for dinner and expect them to pay for drinks, except that ALL of our gatherings, be it friends or my family or FI’s, are always BYOB, and usually potluck style, too! So yes, technically, we do expect to bring and for others to bring food AND drinks for dinner parties (obviously they aren’t handing the host cash, but you’re handing a bartender/venue money at a cash bar, which I equate to paying for a bottle of wine at the grocery store).
And I always have to laugh at the post that always pops up about it’s rude to send an RSVP card because you’re telling your guests that you don’t think that they will RSVP on their personalized, super speshul, embossed, vellum stationery with their amazing Mont Blanc pen. No, I really don’t, because, gasp, I don’t know anyone who has personalized stationery. I have never not received an RSVP card and would be SO confused if I didn’t–in fact, my response would be to get in touch with the person and ask if they forgot my RSVP card (by the way, I’ve gotten compliments from so many people on ours).
Here’s the thing: times change. I am all about manners and being polite and whatnot, but there are some “etiquette rules” (is that redundant?) that just scream “outdated!” to me. Sure, it’s been around for 100 years, but 100 years ago, women couldn’t vote in the US, and showing an ankle or cutting your hair was considered scandalous, so I tend to take that with a grain of salt (and I adore you, TTR).
(And also, as has been said, lots of people get tradition mixed up with etiquette. Having your father/close male relative walk you down the aisle has nothing to do with etiquette.)