(Closed) Ettiquette issue between friends who are ex’s! Need help!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It sounds like she is more of your friend then he is, if it were me I probably wouldn’t issue him a invite at all. I do think you aren’t obligated to give him a plus one considering the circumstances.

Post # 4
4126 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

If you do decide to invite him (and you have every right to) can you make up a rule about +1s only given to people in longterm relationships, or only to out of towners.

Post # 5
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If either member of that ex couple consider themselves in a relationship you need to invite their SO, by name.

My guess is that as adults, they will behave themselves.  He likely isn’t going to “flaunt” a new girlfriend, and if he does it will only reflect poorly on him.  Does the girl have other friends who will be at the wedding?  Just seat her with them and give the rest a heads-up. 

If you have it within your budget, you could give her a +1 to bring a random date, but if not then don’t worry about it.

Post # 6
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We have a similarish issue– a 7 year relationship ended and one is my bridesmaid and one is a good friend (who I knew first and was closer to). I am inviting both, and made a verbal disclaimer to each. I said “I expect you two to act like grown ups and to put aside your issues for the day. If you are in a relationship, you may bring your bf/gf, but we are not doing random plus 1s. I really don’t think you or ex are really so petty to try to make each other jealous over this issue, so I hope it won’t be a problem”. So far so good, but we’ll see. 

My vote is their drama is not your drama and they should be grown ups. It may hurt like heck to see your ex with a new flame, but you could run into them anywhere. If it hurts to much months later, that may be a sign to get help or to sit out that evening. 

Post # 9
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We had a similar situation.  One of FI’s groomsmen broke up with his girlfriend earlier this year, and we’ve remained friendly – grabbing drinks every so often, chatting online, nothing major.  It wasn’t a bad break-up and neither of them did anything wrong, they just weren’t compatible.  So we didn’t think anything of remaining friendly with her.  The Groomsmen began blowing us off and told mutual friends that he’s annoyed that we remained friends with her because “he knew us first.”  It’s all very silly and immature, and actually caused Fiance a bit of stress.  We’ve distanced ourselves from her a bit to give the Groomsmen time to chill out, but she will be invited to my bachelorette and our wedding and we’re expecting both of them to act like adults.

I do hope your situation pans out.  I think ladyartichoke’s advice is sound, FWIW.

Post # 10
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would send the invite to ONLY your friends (don’t name their significant others) and warn the ex girlfriend that he might bring new ex-girlfriend.  After that, there’s nothing you can do…

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