Post # 1
My fiancé proposed during a weekend away with friends who had only just recently became engaged themselves. Our friends have since been through a very messy breakup and he has gone back to an old flame (a friend of all of ours). He treated her like s**t throughout the break up and did lots of things that my fiancé and I don’t agree with but we met her through hiM and have since become closer to her whilshe has made very little effort to contact us. Recently he called me to chat and in the conversation he brought up the wedding and when we would be sending out invitations. I’m concerned that he may flaunt his new relationship on front of her and she really took the break up badly.
If you figure out the riddle above I would love some advice Bees I really don’t know what to do!
Post # 3
It sounds like she is more of your friend then he is, if it were me I probably wouldn’t issue him a invite at all. I do think you aren’t obligated to give him a plus one considering the circumstances.
Post # 4
If you do decide to invite him (and you have every right to) can you make up a rule about +1s only given to people in longterm relationships, or only to out of towners.
Post # 5
If either member of that ex couple consider themselves in a relationship you need to invite their SO, by name.
My guess is that as adults, they will behave themselves. He likely isn’t going to “flaunt” a new girlfriend, and if he does it will only reflect poorly on him. Does the girl have other friends who will be at the wedding? Just seat her with them and give the rest a heads-up.
If you have it within your budget, you could give her a +1 to bring a random date, but if not then don’t worry about it.
Post # 6
We have a similarish issue– a 7 year relationship ended and one is my bridesmaid and one is a good friend (who I knew first and was closer to). I am inviting both, and made a verbal disclaimer to each. I said “I expect you two to act like grown ups and to put aside your issues for the day. If you are in a relationship, you may bring your bf/gf, but we are not doing random plus 1s. I really don’t think you or ex are really so petty to try to make each other jealous over this issue, so I hope it won’t be a problem”. So far so good, but we’ll see.
My vote is their drama is not your drama and they should be grown ups. It may hurt like heck to see your ex with a new flame, but you could run into them anywhere. If it hurts to much months later, that may be a sign to get help or to sit out that evening.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone =) I’m just going to tell them both to deal with it lol
Post # 8
@ladyartichoke: I definitely agree with this advice.
Post # 9
We had a similar situation. One of FI’s groomsmen broke up with his girlfriend earlier this year, and we’ve remained friendly – grabbing drinks every so often, chatting online, nothing major. It wasn’t a bad break-up and neither of them did anything wrong, they just weren’t compatible. So we didn’t think anything of remaining friendly with her. The Groomsmen began blowing us off and told mutual friends that he’s annoyed that we remained friends with her because “he knew us first.” It’s all very silly and immature, and actually caused Fiance a bit of stress. We’ve distanced ourselves from her a bit to give the Groomsmen time to chill out, but she will be invited to my bachelorette and our wedding and we’re expecting both of them to act like adults.
I do hope your situation pans out. I think ladyartichoke’s advice is sound, FWIW.
Post # 10
I would send the invite to ONLY your friends (don’t name their significant others) and warn the ex girlfriend that he might bring new ex-girlfriend. After that, there’s nothing you can do…