Post # 1
I had a friend who did my wedding cake, with whom there were some issues. We got past them…and then a few days before my wedding, one of my bridesmaids brings to my attention that the cake friend’s boyfriend was having a birthday party at 5pm on my wedding day. Now, dont get me wrong, I am fine with you having a birthday party on my wedding day, but having it at 5pm means that you’ll need to leave my wedding at at least 3pm, which is before the speeches, first dance and dessert. This is what happened on the day, along with the the cake friend saying to my husband “if you do anything to hurt her, I will mess you up and make your face so unrecognisable that no one will know you anymore”. She also made it seem like there was no way they could help the birthday party happening when it did…even though they knew about the wedding and the timing of it long before the birthday party.
Am I right in thinking that she / they have serious ettiquette issues? And more importantly…should I maybe put a pause on the ‘friendship’ for a bit?
Post # 2
jbarben : a friend who made your wedding cake? Did you pay for this cake?
Post # 3
It doesn’t really sound like a big deal to me.
How did they know about your wedding before the BFs birthday? I thought birthdays were pretty predictable. There could be good reasons why they party couldn’t be on another day – someone else planned it, people flying in etc, I wouldn’t immediately jump to ‘pausing’ the friendship. What does that even mean?
Ending a friendship because she had to leave your wedding early seems like an overreaction.
Post # 4
You’d end a friendship with someone who celebrated your marriage with you but didn’t stay for the speeches? Really? Even after this person probably spent days making your wedding cake?
Post # 5
BalletParker : Yeah, I paid for it.
whnlz : Obviously I didn’t mean birthday, I meant birthday party. Plan it for 7pm not 5pm. I honestly am find with it being on the same day, just time it better. And don’t try to make it seem as if I only let you know about my wedding yesterday.
Pausing the friendship is like, putting it on the backburner for a bit. She has been realy difficult over the last few months and this feels like a last straw. Also threatening my husband on the day of our wedding? Not cool. Do that when we start dating, not on the wedding day.
Post # 6
If she missed dinner, I’d probably be a little upset too since you paid for it. If not, I still think it’s a bit rude but I’ve found a lot of people show their true colors on and around your wedding haha. I’m not sure I’d “pause” the friendship but with the threatening, etc I’d be a little put off. If there have been issues prior to the wedding, you have the right to pull back if you choose.
Post # 7
I know this felt like a BIG deal, it is not. Your friend was sweet to bake your cake and of course she wanted to celebrate her boyfriend too.
Post # 8
I don’t know lots of people make comments like that about their loved one- don’t hurt so and so or you’ll answer to me. Since we weren’t there it’s hard to say but it doesn’t seem like a thing by itself.
If you don’t want to be friends with her you don’t need a reason, but the reasons you’re giving don’t add up if she’s a really good friend.
Post # 9
jbarben : I mean the ‘threatening’ was clearly a joke I would imagine. I just don’t see how he would plan his birthday party around your wedding – are you close? It doesn’t seem like you value the friend so it seems a bit much for the Boyfriend or Best Friend to plan a birthday party around your wedding.
Post # 10
I don’t get it. Why does the person who made your cake have to be there? Let her bring the cake earlier and the caterer can deal with setting it up and serving it.
You don’t even get to dictate the time of the boyfriends party. If she was a really close friend she’d make it work to be able to attend at least some of your wedding.
My advice is have her bring the cake earlier, pay her, thank her graciously for it and then don’t talk about her behind her back. Just have a great wedding and enjoy your day.
Post # 11
This seems like an overreaction. She’s still part of your wedding, she still made the cake for you. So what if she leaves early? You won’t even notice.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
You paid her for a service, she supplied that service, attended your ceremony and left a little early bc your wedding wasn’t a hostage situation. I hope. 😶 I think you need to get over it. Personally, I’d love to skip all the *special* dances and speeches if possible. Dessert is a little different.
Post # 13
Personally, I would be annoyed and kind of hurt if a good friend skipped out before dinner at my wedding to go to a birthday party that had clearly been planned well after the wedding save the dates/invites had been distributed. Birthdays come every year; weddings are once in a lifetime!
However, as an isolated event, I wouldn’t consider it worth pausing the friendship over (though I might not be able to resist making a snarky remark lol). Some people just aren’t really on the same page about the importance of weddings, it’s not necessarily personal. But if this was one thing in a larger pattern of this friend not prioritizing you or flaking out on you all the time, then I could see it being the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Post # 14
….She doesn’t deserve a friend like you. By that I mean this is an over reaction and you seem to want things to revolve around you.
I hate speeches. I don’t care how much they mean to you. I zone out, and do not care. I would’t have them at mine if it’s wasn’t for the Best Man really wanting to give one. So who cares. She did what you paid her to do, she came to the wedding. She just left early.
Post # 15
It sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to be “angry” so that you can end the friendship. Adults don’t get to manage other adults’ personal lives.