(Closed) Evaluating Friendships (LONG)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@ChellFish22:  Friendship is a two way street. If you’re always giving more than you’re getting, it’s not worth it. No one wants to feel like they are the only reason a friendship is still active. If a relationship of any kind isn’t adding value to my life, I scrap it.

Having said that, have you tried talking to these girls? It is hard for strangers to know the nuances of a situation we aren’t involved in. I’d recommend going right to the source to find out what’s going on. Or, if you don’t care anymore and feel their actions are speaking louder than their words, I’d just let it go and move on. There are lots of great ladies out there to be friends with.

Post # 5
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@ChellFish22:  Oh, I couldn’t agree with you more. It friggen sucks. It seems with every stage of life (graduating, getting engaged, moving in together, having a baby), you lose friends. People don’t understand why your priorities shift and you get used to relating to each other in a certain way.

For example, I had a very close friend in my post-graduate degree (I have an MBA). We spent countless hours together every single day. When we graduated, the situation changed. I feel I tried really hard to make it work with our new reality, but she was not as interested. I lost her as a friend.

It’s so hard when this happens, but if they are just upsetting you and causing you stress that you don’t need or deserve, then it’s for the best in the long run. Short term pain, long term gain. I know how you feel. I have countless stories where this has happened to me, my Fiance, and some of our *forever* friends.

Post # 6
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It seems like in situations where there is a trio of friends this always tends to happen. In high school a trio can work because you all have all the time in the world to hang out and usually hanging out with your friends is your number one priority.  However, as you get older and it becomes more work to maintain friendships, the trio thing just doesn’t seem to work anymore.  

I am not saying this to be mean at all — but I think you obviously know that these two girls consider themselves best friends more so than you since the one chose the other to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and didn’t even include you in your bridal party.  While that is hurtful, you have to decide to either accept that you guys are just not all best friends and realize that they are going to do things without you and try not to let it hurt your feelings.  Or you can decide that this is too hurtful for you and let their friendship go… 

Post # 7
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@ChellFish22:  I am going to tell you something I learned in highschool. I was extremely popular everone wanted to be friends with me….then I had what I call my ” scandal ” you would be surprised who my true friends were  NONE 0. People who I thought would be there for me ” disowned me” and people who didnt give a penny about me were so nice and suportive.

You have only 2 friends in life YOURSELF  and a good credit score.

I am the kind of friend everyone wants to have I always give people my 300 %. At my early age I leaned that you cant really count on people I also learned that no matter what happens my father would walk on fire for me. 

So…..you are sad they are going on vacation together. Call them and tell them you want to go!!!!! Dont be embarassed and dont be angry that they didnt invite you. If you want to go ask…and if they dont want you to come……find yourself new friends.

Also about not being a bridesmaid……if you are already married you shouldnt be a bridesmaid.The word “maid” says it all. will you be married when she does? ask her….dont be affraid to ask what the deal is if you are supossed to be so close…

 

 

Post # 10
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@ChellFish22:  I totally understand you. I really do which is exactly why I think you shouls call them and say when is the trip I am going too. Be strong!!!!! And say you havent received your bridesmaid invitation! Ask what is the worst that can happen….

 

Post # 11
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve had this happen to me over this past year or so, but we were a group of 4 and 1 girl is still friends with me on her own. At first I was really hurt and wanted to talk to the other girls to find out why they were excluding me, but the more I thought about it, we are at different places in our lives now and in some ways it seems like the friendship ran it’s course and it’s better to let it go and move on. The other girls can relate to each other better than I can now.

It may sound silly, but there was a point where I decided I was just done. I turned 30 in Feb. this year and got no happy birthday call, text, or fb message from 2 of the 3 girls. This was after buying them gifts and going to dinner on each of their birthdays in the previous months.

A part of me wants to know why they treated me this way, but another says don’t bother. There’s no point and it doesn’t change things.

 

 

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