(Closed) Even husband doesn’t refer to me by MY name

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 3
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Tell him you’ll change it when you’re not on a visa anymore? If it’s just temporary and you plan on changing it anyways….not really a big deal. If you don’t plan on taking it, that’s another story

Post # 5
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Ugh, I would not tolerate my husband not calling me by my name. Can you maybe try asking your husband how he’d feel if you wanted him to take your name, and explain to him that you feel the same way?

I feel your pain on the frustration. My husband’s family still mostly addresses stuff to us as “Mr. and Mrs. Husbandslastname,” even though they know that I kept my name. I think that they felt that it was cute to address us as “Mr. and Mrs. X” as newylyweds, and did not realize that I did not want to be called that at all. Husband is reiterating the message to them, so hopefully they wull get it this time around!

I have been really surprised at the number of people who think that even if a woman has not changed her name, she still technically is “Mrs. Hislastname” and would enjoy being called that on an envelope. I know that some women who keep their names are perfectly okay with being called “Mrs. Histlasname” sometimes, but I would imagine that most are not. If I didn’t change my name, it’s not my name!

Post # 6
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor

Uhg, how annoying! The worst is being Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName, arg. 🙁 To show him how annoying it was I had everyone who sent us xmas cards (my friends, family) address them to Mr and Mrs MyLast Hislast, or Mr and Mrs. MyFirst MyLast HisLast. He just laughed… so I don’t think it really got the point across. However, he was excited for the one piece of mail that was addressed to HisFirst & Myfirst HisLast…

Post # 7
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

After this amount of time, it is seriously disrespectful that people have not gotten the message.  ESPECIALLY your husband – his using the wrong name is only going to encourage other people who either want you to have his name or honestly don’t know what you’ve done.  I cannot even fathom how livid I will be if my fiance does something like this after we are married.

Post # 8
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Stick to your guns! I am not married yet but I fully plan on keeping my own last name. I honestly do not see why I should be required to change my name, I think it is an unreasonable expectation. A name is just a name after all and not what makes or holds a family together.

I think the only solution to this kind of situation is communication, you will both have to learn to live with your decisions or find a compromise (perhaps take a third name?). But the key will be to be very open about what it means to you both and focus on the emotional (and legal) bond you have rather than what your last names are…

I come from a family where we have different surnames, my mum and one brother has name A but me, my other brother and my dad have name B, and I have never felt that we are any less of a family. When my fiance and I have kids I will insist on them having my last name, I’ve mentioned this to my fiance but I don’t think he realizes fully how serious about this I am.


Post # 10
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

 Before you got married did you tell him you wanted to keep your last name?

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