(Closed) EVEN MORE sister problems :(

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: what do I do about my horrible sister? :(
    de-bridesmaid her : (8 votes)
    42 %
    accept that she will be a shitty bridesmaid to the end but just leave her in the wedding : (9 votes)
    47 %
    try to explain to her how to be a better bridesmaid : (0 votes)
    have someone else (FI? MOH??) explain to her how to be a better bridesmaid : (2 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    59 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I read your story. In fact, I’m a Newbee and haven’t read your other story. But based upon what you have said and have to back up how you feel.. I think that the right thing to do would probably accept the fact that if she can’t handle the role you gave her, you should give it to someone else.  It sounds like even if you tried to sit her down she would just blow up on you anyway.

    I extracted myself from your point of view when I read this story and tried to imagine myself as your sister. Maybe she is under a lot of stress too, which is fine, or maybe she is just ultra sensitive and it sure sounds like she is really high strung.  Obviously I don’t know your sister.. and I don’t know you.

    But I know that if I was you and that was my sister I would look at the fact that yea, wedding is in 7 weeks, I can’t put everything on hold and hope that my sister follows through when she has proven that she hasn’t been following through with what she has said.

    She all ready shows by disagreeing with your choices for the wedding, like having your BM’s pay for their dresses, and their makeup and hair, that she doesn’t respect your wishes.

    When someone doesn’t respect me and my wishes for something important, that is mine (regardless of relation, at least in my mind), I would’t let them be involved..

    I have to ask if other girls involved are complaining about paying for their dress, etc? If they’re not, it appears that they understand and respect your wishes.. which is how it should be.

    I understand that she is your sister, and that you want her to have a role, so you gave her what you thought she could handle, and maybe what she would enjoy. Well, it looks like she can’t handle that either..

    I would consider contacting her in a appropriate method that suits you and your sisters relationship and lay it down to her, respectfully.

    If I were you I would just tell her that all the other BM’s are paying their $100 request dollars, and that that is expected of her to be part of the wedding party, that you would like her to be part of.  I really don’t think you would have asked her to pay $100 dollars, if you thought she couldn’t do it.

    I also think that if she is going to throw a fit about this price you have requested all of the BM’s to pay, that you should consider removing her from the party.

    I do think you should most definitely figure something else out for the Bachelorette party. I don’t know who maybe you could ask to aid your cousin, or replace your cousin. And obviously no longer expect your sister to do such a thing.

    I would try to not tell your sister that: “you are so irresponsible, a ungrateful and inconsiderate” because obviously she isn’t going to understand that.

    You could try telling her that you’ve noticed that she seems extra stressed out and that you apologize for asking her to plan the bachelorette party, and that you’ve thus then asked someone else. Because you were worried it was too much work.

    but I think she should absolutely pay the $100 dollars for the Bridesmaid or Best Man stuff (and okay maybe people who can afford it pay for all of the wedding party’s stuff, but not everyone can do that, hell, I didn’t even have a wedding party.) And if she cant agree to that (i’d obviously give her a time to do it by), then she will be removed from the party.

    If then by removing her, you can possibly continue to try to involve her, like maybe letting her hang out with you in the prep room before, even though she isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore… or something of that nature.

    But seriously, if IIII were you. (and I had a similar situation except it was with my mother, yikes!)

    I would just tell her if she can’t play her part, she can be a regular guest.

    It’s not fair for you to have to deal with all the extra stress. If she can’t respect your wishes, or follow through with what she agreed to do. You’re just gonna have to take it away.

    Last thing you need is to wait for her to commit to planning to Bachelorette Party, and then she doesn’! (AAAH!)

    Sounds like she’s making you a Bridezilla… which means you should try to curb that before the wedding day.

    Ps. I’ve responded the best I could, using the situations I’ve dealt with, my own opinions, and what I’ve read in this post. If I’ve made a mistake about some detail, let me know.

    Pss. Try to relax… (impossible, right?)

     

    I chose de-bridesmaid her, but I definitely feel like you should try to give her an ultimatum first, then if she throws up her middle finger (for lack of a better example), de-bridesmaid her for sure.

     

     

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I didn’t read your other post, but I did read this one. I feel like we have the save sister and honestly I sucked it up and just accepted that she was going to be awful. I tried not to let it get to me and I didn’t fight with her about anything wedding related, I knew it would be ugly. My bachelorette party was horrendous, I went to bed in tears. She was terrible at every turn and kept outdoing herself with ridiculous behavior. But she is my sister, and in 20 years  when things are fine and we look back on my wedding I think I would regret kicking her out of it. It would just be a terrible memory for everyone involved that would be a cloud over everyone’s memory (like immediate family).

    However I can report that the day of my wedding she was amazing. She was incredibly helpful and nice and did everything that I asked her to and took care of a lot of things I didn’t ask her to. She really came through for me and I genuinely would not have had such a smooth day without her.

    Post # 6
    Member
    59 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @araneidae:  

    I can completely relate.  My family is exactly the same. I feel like I see myself reflected in your, in your post.  My family are completely highstrung, easily stressed, and super sensitive… I always feel stretched very thing because I’m constantly trying to accomodate them, or walk on egg shells because I love them, and I understand that I am different from them in this area. But because I do this, I end up getting upset in the end because when you stretched super thin, or pulled tight for too long you end up snapping. Then of course, it looks like you’re the mean person, the high strung person, the super sensitive person. When in reality, at least in my situation, I’ve been spending all my energy and emotion to make everything “just right,” or “just so,” so that they all can be happy.

     

    Regardless, I agree with orangefairy (haha, both of our usernames are fairy) keep her as a bridesmaid, or you will regret it.  But definitely talk to her about the committment you’ve asked her to make. I don’t doubt she will be a total charm on your wedding day, but you don’t want to have to keep dealing with her until then.  It seems easy enough to get her into the dress, and makeup and hair (even if it means a fight about the money, AGAIN) but it’s better then trying to get her to do other things and fighting everytime you come in contact with each other. Once she’s got the dress, and paid her fee. She really has no right to complain about anything. And even if she does, you don’t really have to stress about it because her part is pretty much done.  Then you can worry about more important things (for lack of a better word, obviously your sister is important), then her emotional outbursts from your expectations that don’t match hers.

     

    You love her.  And you will regret it. But definitely find someone else to do that Bridal Party. (Sorry if I took a day or two to respond, I have unpredictable “free time” for the computer, ha. College and stuff.)

     

    Good luck! Definitely let us know how everything goes!

    🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    184 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I think you should keep her in…as you said it’ll make things worse if you don’t.  But don’t give her responsibilities before the wedding.  She can have a “symbolic” role.

    The topic ‘EVEN MORE sister problems :(’ is closed to new replies.

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